for as long as i can remember - which is 23 days - i've had to kill my clone every morning

Paulino is described by his husband as an “American Republican Patriot” after stealing $300K in public money. Hillsdale is the same department that contracted with ICE and then showed up at a school outside their jurisdiction to try to arrest children.

And Tears are down to Woes these days, unlikely to return to former Fears prices

“Arooooo” youtu.be/UeBihoUS3W8?...

Speaking of being "prone to error"...

It’s not “polling” if part of the sample is generated responses from a large language model. Delete this

Part of my spiel when I do orientation with new staff and interns (always paid internships, to be clear) is to show them this satire article and make my philosophy clear: Creatives should always be paid for their work. www.thebeaverton.com/2015/04/loca...

Icky, ever the weekend warrior, has that grindset mindset.

To be fair, "teleported to a Waffle House" is POV accurate when one is blacked out and comes to with an All-Star Breakfast in front of them

This is about as good a performance as one can give on the stand

Kid behind the wheel obliviously barrels us straight into a 90° curve. Driver’s ed teacher screams “stop stop stop goddamnit stop,” slams on his side’s brake pedal, we skid to a stop. Full minute of gripping the dash and breathing hard, then calmly: “So now, you’re going to reverse…”

At 9:18, 3rd period of the Finland-Switzerland women's ice hockey QF game, the ice crew came to clean the ice during a pause What follows is the funniest use of the slo-mo alternate angle tech I've seen them use during these Olympics of one of the crew members falling

“Kok is guaranteed a medal” was fun to hear said on NBC

Bring a tissue

Definitely the sort of thing people with nothing to hide would do

Jewelry box I made for a gift. Red oak and 3/8” box joints, with brass parts.

Went from terror at a suspicious-looking spot on my arm to relief that it was just chocolate to crestfallen at realizing there’s more chocolate on my white sheets, in a span of like four seconds. Think I’m gonna go ahead and call it a week.

What are reels users gonna do in 6 months when they run out of tik toks to port over?

Whole world being run into the ground by ugly unfuckabke men who just want revenge on their fathers for not saying“I love and respect you” enough when they were 15 years old and going through it. And now it’s all OUR fucking problem.

Biden should resign tomorrow, make Harris president for the last four days, and ruin all of Trump’s “47”-branded crap

Wear a fanny pack with your cargo pants to be prepared for any eventuality except the sex.

Let me slip into something a little more comfortable [emerges wearing a custom-made unicorn squishmallow plush pajamas onesie]

Post a show that was cancelled that you miss

Saw Wicked today. Started crying at the second to last vocal run in defying gravity. Fully lost it on the last run. Guess I'm officially a lib now

Cleaning out doom boxes is great, it’s like a hundred little gifts to myself of stuff I forgot I had or couldn’t find for a long time. Probably not as great as just having put this shit away in the first place a year ago would feel right now, though

Hahahahahaha! What a difference two years and drinking the MAGA koolaid makes.

- In your resume it says that you’re willing to work all weekends and holidays? - My resume says a lot of shit.

Pretty accurate, tbh

The pinnacle of human achievement is the Breakfast Pizza

The employers mean that Gen Z feels "entitled" to a living wage and "easily offended" when they're incentivized with pizza parties instead of more money

My wife and I have started making videos of plates and bowls that we’re selling from home while snowed in. Now is the winter of our dish content.

therapist interrupts me: are you saying off-pudding

Really enjoyed eating all the repressed sexual energy my mom fisted into the turkey.

Pretty sure we all know the answer to this one 💰

Robert “Bobby” Thorne Neo-Nazi X User Exposed appears to be looking for a new job In response to the Observer's request for comment, JP Morgan Chase responded via email: “The employee in question is on leave while we complete our investigation. We do not tolerate hate speech of any kind.”

Bit of autumn splendor in Shawnee National Forest from about a month ago 🍁🍂

Ironically, bullet wounds are considered a preexisting condition at UHC pix11.com/news/crime/m...

Elon's definitely, totally not mad.

FYI THE @inquirer.com is better than every other newspaper: www.inquirer.com/opinion/comm...

A silver lining of all of Trump’s incompetent, edgelord cabinet picks is that these aren’t people who know how to get things done in government. Their outsized, fragile egos are already starting to bleed through the cracks.