eyes bug out, mouth-in-mouth bugs out, then an incredibly long tongue unrolls from the inner mouth

xenomorph seeing an anime lady with huge jugs and just nosebleed spraying acid all over everything

putting this in the front

societies typically talk about human cognition as working similarly to whatever is seen as the latest and greatest technology. that’s why we currently describe the brain as a roguelike deckbuilding game about characters making their way up a spire

Last night I dreamed I got an email about my "Moana Wrapped" for the year and I opened it and it just said "you've watched Moana 0 times this year."

when i was a kid i had the classic “uncle works at nintendo“ friend. he told all kinds of tales but the claim that really stuck with me was that he and his family got to go to a special pikmin event where they dressed up as pikmin and a guy picked them up and threw them

I like how Aragorn has different names for himself in different places in Middle Earth because he bounces checks or something

god finding this is like stumbling across a buried USB drive in the woods. bizarre

Good morning

optimus prime be like i just drove in from denver and boy are my arms tires

AGENT ASHCROFT? WELL HOW THE HELL ARE YOU? UMBRELLA? GOOD IDEA, YOU NEVER KNOW WITH THIS WEATHER.

two spires at the same time

NO NO NO YOU DON’T GUYS LET ME PLEASE SPREAD THE GOSPEL OF FREE TAX USA federal is free, state is $16, handles even my chaotic freelancer taxes just fine, same step-by-step “designed for normies” kind of interface as TurboTax but NOT EVIL tell everyone you know www.freetaxusa.com

Tom Hardy feeds his dog spicy food every day "I don't like him" (Source: tinyurl.com/y9mpcsp5)

probably happens four or five times a shift that i’m cooking a burger and mutter “throw some throw some cheese on that bitch” to myself

the fucked up thing is this happened the same day those two llamas escaped from the zoo and ran around. we were all having a fun llama time and then the dress obliterated the timeline

I am sure that it is fun for most, but for me "Slay the Spire now has multiplayer mode" is like "in addition to hot and cold, your sink now does poison"

BARTENDER: Willow? yeah, 5’11”, long hair, cute sun hat, blood type B+, lives at 500 dipshit ave, cat named greg, works at the burger joint, aunt died last month, master chief’s friend, possesses a dangerous relic, knows the speech pattern that will end the world, hazel eyes?

always thought it was silly in detective fiction when a guy just goes into a bar and asks about someone but the thing is you could actually nail my ass to the wall if you did that

parappa fucking died dude. parappa died three years ago. where have you been

hey everybody bad news. lin-manuel miranda went under the wheels of one of those big ass trucks they have in the canadian oil fields and died

(starting a roguelike deckbuilder run) a lot of people go drill but i’m a hammer fan. and obviously your next two are nails and 2x4

bands should pretty much have three albums and then a fourth one fifteen years later

someone at the LGS tells this guy he's gotta stop running dimir in commander cause it isnt fun for the table and then he pulls out mishra artificer prodigy. unsleeved

every time i hear about theme parks and how they are managed it feels like i'm communicating with another species. what do you mean, star wars land was set in a specific point in the timeline. a kid goes there and wants a picture with princess leia and is told sorry kid she's canonically dead

one of the simple pleasures in life is saying 'wow it looks like silent hill out there' when it's really foggy

special hat

it's a pleasant surprise if you find a crossdressing character in a 90s anime and the joke being told is funny

you and he were on ..... cohost, wrrn't you

there should've been a nirvanna the band the show the movie the popcorn bucket.

(starting a roguelike deckbuilder run) a lot of people go drill but i’m a hammer fan. and obviously your next two are nails and 2x4

sorry bud i gotta cancel today, all the stuff in joyce manor’s well whatever it was happened to me

True Art

Today I Will Look The Burrito Man In The Eye and other stories of manifesting success

worst regulars we have are this couple who come in and order one rare burger and one very well done burger. like what are you fuckin giving me a test? second worst probably the Long Man With Dark Eyes Who Only Speaks Truth

The plot of Alien has kinda happened to me in that I disagreed with a coworker about how to tackle a problem

gotta admit the penalty box is pretty funny. You Are In Time Out

timeline cleanse

getting really mad at a pro golfer for having a bad APM

if your legs are sore you can stand up and stretch

gamers love to write "now that the dust is settling" four days after a video game has released

(guy who doesn’t really get it) holy shit ricky jay had a lot of assistants

本日はターンエーガンダムからソシエ嬢とボルジャーノンをアップするのす #ターンエーガンダム

The Tamashii Nations Instagram reposted this and I felt you all needed to see it

Every once in awhile I think about this Nancy comic and it makes me laugh every single time. Absolute perfection.

chicago’s called the windy city because the roads wind around so much.