Brutal.

I wonder how much molesting is going to be in that new Michael Jackson movie, like just a bit, or the whole thing

So it turns out that this actually ended up working for me. I'm not saying the Employment Jelly is magic or anything, I'm just saying it worked for me is all

Look I know Jesus got there first, but I also died for your sins and it would be nice for someone to acknowledge me for once

I'd be much more inclined to hunt easter eggs if they were filled with things I want like capn crunch or mini corn dogs

Im not sure the psych meds are working I say. My iguana nods and takes a drag of his tiny cigarette. Give it time, he says and exhales a cloud of smoke that briefly forms a hand giving me the finger.

Hey does anyone know what state Anthony Kiedis is from?

Don't come at me with any "With not both?" bullshit. The money from Harry Potter is being used to ruin people's lives.

Press any button to continue? How about this one on my shirt? Checkmate, dipshit.

I wrote a book using AI = No you didn't.

Writer for the Pitt: Okay so we're looking for stories to beef up season three, so who's got something for us? ER doctor: Once we had a guys head explode like that guy from Scanners. A big chunk of his scalp flew in my mouth. Writer: Nice thats definitely going in.

Big whoop, I'm also nearly 200 years old and have died at least thirty seven times. Nobody is posting about my crusty old ass

If you don’t stop in mid-sentence to check a thing and then three hours later you’ve learned the entire history of canned food but not finished the sentence, why even be a writer?!

All Americans are required to do a DNA swab and return to whichever country has the highest percentage of your ancestry. Good luck in the DNA deportation lottery everyone!

All Americans are required to do a DNA swab and return to whichever country has the highest percentage of your ancestry. Good luck in the DNA deportation lottery everyone!

In my dream last night I met a dog with no legs and when I asked his owner what his name was he said Rolo.

Saw 2 movies today: They Will Kill You, which is silly excellent bloody fun, and Ready or Not 2, which was good but falls victim to many of the pitfalls a follow up to an excellent movie can run into. It has been a good day.

The absolutely astonishing thing about the second Trump administration, from my perspective, is watching the US demote itself.

Imagine being such a shitbird that 8,000,000 people take a Saturday afternoon to walk the streets just to shout about how much you suck

The episode of Invincible I watched today featured Reign in Blood by Slayer, which was released in 1986. Made me feel a bit better knowing you can still rock your ass off even when you're 40 years old

Do you think there are any sane people who make cool art?

Ill admit: Au Jus was not my answer but it is the correct answer.

Evergreen post

Stop worrying about what YA books to let your kids read and let them sort it out with V C Andrews and cocaine era Stephen King as God intended

My favorite thing about this podcast is that they are all near my age, so they keep picking movies from my most formative movie watching years. SE7EN is one of my favorites, and according to their rating system is exactly as good as Coming to America

Dune Fast Dune Furious

The entity I work for can check employees social media posts to make sure they aren't posting sensitive information and just imagine them finding something like this and emailing me: "While this is not counter to any existing policy, we still have several questions starting with what the fuck man?"

My son is reading Watchmen for the first time and I am sorry to report that it is still terribly relatable and relevant

these are the best reporters in the country, give them whatever the fuck they want www.status.news/p/cbs-news-l...

*The abdomen of the spider I have been talking to splits open to reveal a single, horribly human looking eye* ME: Ah yes, it appears I may have overdone it just a smidgen on the cough medicine, and so shall be retiring to my chambers for the remainder of the evening. I wish you a good night, sir.

I regret to inform you that I may have officially entered the wears earplugs to the punk show phase of my life. The old 'drums can't take this kind of pounding anymore it seems.

"“The Twitter leaver’s oath. I will not be terminally online. My friendships and community will outlive this website. My heart cannot be monetized. I will not become food for monsters. Should their claws find my flesh, may they drown in my blood.”" 🔥 @thedoorthedoor.bsky.social‘s last tweet

The cold weather punks dilemma: if I'm wearing a parka how is anyone going to know how rad my t shirt is?

Anyway, here's what I did between 9 and 10 PM at work today. Words are from the @propagandhi.com song At Peace

I legitimately haven't cared about the Oscars since Saving Private Ryan lost Best Picture to Shakespeare in Love. That being said, both Sinners and One Battle are kick ass movies that I loved, and Im glad people are talking about them.

The friendship is just absolutely dripping in this episode, friendship just glazing every surface in the room. If a blacklight illuminated friendship, it would look like a cheap hotel blanket up in here

Incorrect. The Straits are, in fact, Dire

UPDATE: Fuck all this shitty shit right into the fucking sun.

I know this isn't the time for jokes, but also it is precisely the time for jokes

The correct number of facts to know is 80. Any less than that and you're a dullard, any more and you're a know-it-all. Choose your facts carefully. "Recycling is collected on Mondays" = Good fact. "Lisbon is the capital of Portugal" = Frivolous nonsense

Just paid $70 at the pump to fill up my car, which I assume is somehow Barack Obamas fault.

Last night I discovered an 11,000 word document that abandoned. I read it and shit man I would love to read whatever book that didn't ever become. I thought about trying to revive it but a whole different person wrote that a long time ago. Anyone else ever try to revive a piece long dormant?

*chuckles nervously* heh heh uh we're still the good guys right?

If the men who declared war were the ones deployed to fight it, there would never be another one

ME: pack a bag, we’re flying to kansas MY WAYWARD SON: what kind of bag

Good morning

If you are desperately trying to hold on to something good, and would like to remember what it was like to laugh and enjoy the company of friends, you could do a lot worse than putting these folks in your ears for an hour or so.

Fell in the garage after snagging my foot on the garden hose, once again proving a universal truth: Hose be trippin"

You know what heres the song that inspired the story. music.youtube.com/watch?v=ghRP...

This is legitimately one of my favorite things I've ever written. If it does anything for you, share it with someone you think might like it. www.ralphpullins.com/2026/02/pagi...