cat food is like: "miss bitchly's beef, Turkey, chicken, and salmon carcass melange in a thick and rich gravy liquid" dog food is like: "BLUE RIBBON: TOP PERFORMANCE dry kibble for senior living: diarrhea control" girl food is like: a small nutrient dense pellet of some sort ?

wow,

i’m walking up the street sniffing around for RCA cables the same way a truffle pig sniffs around for whatever it is they sniff around for

that’s The Napper

abolish stem. we have had enough of stem.

dressing my girlfriend up like a labubu and taking her places and explaining to people that she is my beloved labubu

my delusional beliefs are lowkey believable

so imagine that summer breeze song but he says Some Arby’s instead. what then?

girls will look at this and say "wow"

The main animals are probably - dog - cat - chicken - bird (different from chicken) - fish - shark - snake - elephant - horse - lion - tiger (includes cheetah & jaguar) - bear - cow - pig - sheep - frog - giraffe - and of course monkey (same as ape) Honorable mentions going to zebra & penguin. Duh

to be honest at even 8:49pm EST i’m something of a sleepyhead

(extremely Thursday voice) I say we push the meeting to Monday

simply just Having a Piece of candy

calling 311 because one of my neighbors is cooking something that smells really yummy

they accidentally let me see the grand scheme of things

siri play relaxing machine sounds

honest to god i’m going✈️naptime

i need to have a perfect day or i will die.

If we all synchronise our movements just right we can produce a dazzling visual illusion that disorients and confuses all predators

they should make it so Real Job provides the same Insanely Easy Stress Free Life of a Fake Job

Hey babe are we a mature audience or should I turn this off

Just corrected my posture on the train and became the dominant commuter

(impatiently scrolling through a list of ten evil whales from icelandic folklore and their characteristics) I don't have time for this

yay!

closing my eyes and “watching a youtube article”

playing with toys at the vip table in the club

TΦ?? you have to be fucking kidding me 🤦‍♀️

my cleaning friends

bro exploded

I’m Going To Be So Late For Work

helping me fold laundry

Please Please Please Let My Email Find You Well

the napper

to be honest i think in not very long they’re going to put a layer of Something on the ad monitors on the train so you can’t simply filter them out with polarized sunglasses anymore

getting happy gilmore and harvey milk confused

just saw a gayguy going around. shaken to my very core.

i just think it’s interesting that every time i make it to the train on time to be early for work it turns into smithereens before my Very Eye’s.

"potty-trained" on resume

making everything .01% more blue every single day so nobody notices

i’m going to be playing with such toys for the foreseeable future

they’re saying sunday is lost media

what if we rented a daycare

I want to be in my Flower.

guy that got waterproof playing cards so he can play solitaire by the pool: And I brought my waterproof playing cards so I can play solitaire by the pool!

the bus should be two dimensional so it can just drive on the background layer if there’s traffic

digging