Imagine if your partner left you for the autocomplete function. bsky.app/profile/junl...

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

You’ve been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show you watched are trying to rescue you. Who’s coming to save you?

My wallet:

if elon just hired an Inverse Jester (guy hired to listen to his jokes and pretend they're funny) we could solve every problem except how to keep the inverse jester from killing himself

seeing mooterus jersey slander on reddit. let me be clear: if you hate the mooterus, you hate women

Re-upping this because Brad Alberts did the 👀 tweet again.

This guy gets it.

perfect

It's the same picture dot gif

Why would they boo Robo? Robo is literally unbooable.

Could've used a Mikko Rantanen-type player for that 5-on-3.

Not great, Bob.

can't believe rfk jr wants to stop me from eating red M&Ms but he'll eat *** out of an ****

More racing at sunset please.

Mark Sanford had the most "normal" sex scandal of any Republican ever apart from leaving the country and lying about in a particularly silly way.

Happy Birthday to Ken Griffey Jr! The 13-time All-Star and 10-time Gold Glove winner began his professional career in 1987 playing against the Spokane Indians in the Northwest League. Thanks to KXLY’s Rick Lukens for this look back at the Hall of Famer’s time in the Lilac City. #GoSpo

Mamdani is currently the coolest most popular man in New York, a role Trump has always coveted. He wants to convey that he and NYC’s Coolest Man™️ are best friends.

The thing that matters most to Trump is being perceived as a winner. If he's alongside a winner, he will happily destroy months of Republican talking points to be "in" with the winner. It's that simple.

Well clearly that Mamdani news is the biggest thing that’s going to happen today and I can safely log o—-

Loaded tots (or sweet potato fries?) with Thanksgiving leftovers, tell me y’all see the vision

Your bowels the day before the colonoscopy:

Everybody remembers when Dirk and the Mavs took on Russell Bestbroon.

help

Crying at Ronald Reagan bearing silent witness

If you’re the driver of this Jaguar who tried to ✨get in front✨ of this ambulance on I-295, I hope you get chronic diarrhea.

Whoops, The Onion has accidentally torn apart the Detroit Lions fanbase.

they really just throw the texas label on anything 😭

If this is close to what the Stars reveal as their new alternate jersey, I’m sending them a blank check and having them write down whatever amount they think is fair. #TexasHockey

Mikko "Mikko Rantanen" Rantanen

Wayne and Brent Gretzky hold the record for most points by any two brothers in NHL history. Wayne: 2,857 Brent: 4

If this is close to what the Stars reveal as their new alternate jersey, I’m sending them a blank check and having them write down whatever amount they think is fair. #TexasHockey

Happy birthday (11/20/1964) to former Dallas Stars right wing John MacLean. He played in 48 games for Dallas between 2000-2002, scoring 12 points (7-5-12). 📸: Elsa/ALLSPORT #TexasHockey

I’m howling.

This rare burn generator is getting used so much I added an admin panel 🤣 Now you can suggest new insults! A bunch still need to be edited out or improved, but - COME! Defeat your online enemies with snark!

Trump just reposted a Truth Social post calling for Democratic Members of Congress to be hanged:

I could've built a machine that jacks Elon off for considerably less money than this, let alone compute.

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Love the "We sent your payout" email from eBay this morning.

I need "Stats are down but he played great" to make it into the lexicon.

The Trump movement in a nutshell: an insurrection against the government of the United States, child sex abuse, bribery and corruption, illicit pardoning of wrongdoing, a perversion of the legal system, and Florida as a backdrop.

What a bullshit call.

The Stars did what????