Just saw a liberty mutual ad without the limu emu, nature is healing

They could never make me hate him

Pulled up to vote wearing the Curtis Sliwa hat. I’m unsure why I own this, and I live in PA so nobody understood the reference

Could only remember 10 out of the 15 women’s names mentioned in the song Freek-a-Leek. 13 year old me would be highly disappointed in current me

It came & went 😔 www.desmoinesregister.com/story/money/...

The writing in the early seasons of Law & Order SVU was top tier

I feel like I should probably inform y’all that I have no ass. Just in case anyone thought my posts had big booty energy, that is not the case. Literally just a long back and a crack back there. Thank you for your understanding and support at this time.

The coke freestyle machine is the perfect example of something that sounds great in theory but is actually terrible in practice

“ LIKE “ to wish my ✨beautiful✨ grandma a HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎁🎈🎉 🎂 85 years young ❤️❤️❤️ so BLESSED 🙏🏻🙏🏻

If I’m reading a recipe and get even the slightest inkling it was written by a British person, I’m closing the browser tab immediately

I regret not having multiple costumes this year. The ideal Halloween consists of at least three costumes: silly/fun/creative, slutty, and scary

Seafood Boil

Halloween update: i ran out of candy an hour into trick or treating time. Family down the street is dressed as hot dogs and condiments and they’re passing out hot dogs. Scary clown seems to be the popular costume this year.

Since I’m kind of phoning it in this Halloween, here are some of my old favorite costumes

@ people who wear glasses: how do you keep them clean?? I feel like I’m constantly cleaning my glasses and they are never truly clean. I don’t even know how they get so dirty to begin with.

I hate how all coffee shops now look like the Hearth & Hand section of Target. Coffee shops should have beat up leather couches, warm lighting, and stacks of old board games with missing pieces.

Got back from book club. Only two of us read the book. It was fantastic.

It’s been a long day, time to crack open one of these bad boys

Figuring out a way to somehow get Isaac Chotiner to call my ex just to ask him a couple things

Unsure what this would do to my body but I need it

Thinking about making a trivia game for my family. It’d be like, which family member cussed out a member of First Baptist at Walmart? Which family members received a lifetime ban from the Golden Corral in Burleson? How many Whataburgers can Daryl eat in one meal?

We’re having spirit week at work (regular office job, not a school or anything). Nobody else participated in today’s theme (as I’d predicted), but luckily I had a normal work outfit on underneath.

Rocky Horror fit

Went to my favorite winery in the area today. They allow you to bring your own food and I was pretty proud of my makeshift charcuterie board.

Mom, can you come pick me up? Men on the internet are calling Margot Robbie mid again 🙄

I’m gonna keep referring back to this, aren’t I?

I’m craving raw onions dipped in melted butter. I’ve never had this specific food combination before, but I imagine it would be good.

I think we should all be throwing ass to Phil Collins

Did we do the ten films trend on here yet?

We’re having themed dress up days at work next week. I take it for Sports Day, I probably should not wear my “Pat Burrell is my biological father” shirt.

Realizing I am the Curtis Sliwa of my workplace and possibly my friend group

However much I previously hated Nico Harrison, it still wasn’t enough

Local news outlet is rightly getting demolished in the comments for using a crappy AI generated chart that nobody must’ve bothered to look at before posting

Turns out making a giant pot of soup was exactly what I needed

I was thinking about how I don’t have any weird coworkers at the job and immediately realized it is because I’m the weird coworker

I don’t know why they call this invisible apple cake, I can clearly see it, but nevertheless it’s really good!

Take a drink every time I start ranting about how private equity ruins everything

If that man is not obsessively liking all your thirst traps, he’s not into you 😔

Chicago cyclists are buying out tamale carts to keep vendors home and safe from ICE. blockclubchi.co/42KQ57O

Should’ve taken an outfit pic before I left for dinner instead of after I got back, but this was ✨a look✨

Who's your favorite Jedi? (Wrong answers only)

Me on a zoom call that is not relevant to anything I do and I have no idea why I’m here

The haters (nobody) said it (french toasting an uncrustable) couldn’t be done

Who would you want to play you in a movie? I’d probably go with Elisabeth Moss, Emma Stone, or Hannah Einbinder

Missed opportunity for an Aaron Gordon lookalike contest (location: my bedroom)

Just had the best idea for a couples halloween costume 👀

We’re gonna end up with a Mariners-Dodgers World Series, aren’t we? Ew.

Someone in the parking garage was absolutely blaring Second Chance by Shinedown. Sorry about the divorce, bro.

I think my glasses soften my RBF by at least 20%

Got a head start on Christmas shopping, everyone is getting new pillows and/or Allen Iverson’s memoir