I’m liking fewer and fewer things about having Parkinson’s disease, but lately I find the way it’s cemented an unshakeable certainty in my brain that I’m absolute fucking scum incredibly tiresome. I know precisely what kind of scum I am, and it’s not “absolute fucking”. Stupid brain.

When your name is all over the Epstein files, but you don’t want your reputation tarnished by being associated with Glinner

Just to remind everyone that the stupid fucking ban will remain in place whilst the stupid fucking government appeal it, so hold off on the “Palestine Action! Yay!” for a bit.

Can't believe the gvt's tactic of going 'actually, protesting an allied foreign state's genocide is terrorism, there's a very secret reason why we're saying so, trust us, we definitely have proof but we can't tell you about it because you'd be too frightened' didn't work

This is my dream.

During a recording of Are You Being Served?, Nicholas Smith (Mr Rumbold) made a small mistake. Director Bob Spiers was displeased. He spoke to the floor manager on the talkback. "That was awful. Tell Nick he's a cunt." The FM paraphrased diplomatically. "Bob's asking us to do that again, Nick."

Highlander 3: The Cunting

There comes a point when debate is largely an irrelevance & a punch or two - maybe starting in the gut to emphasise the gravity of the situation & then in the face as a message to others - is the only logical way forward

Racism, by which I mean overt and unapologetic racism, has increased day by day over the last decade. I wonder if there was some sort of era defining event which may have driven things in that direction about ten years ago…

TIL that “Boba” is Spanish for “Silly”, so I guess the reputation of everyone’s favourite bounty hunter has just taken another hit.

We're a funny lot generally. Capable of unimaginable cruelty and astonishing selflessnes, generosity and kindness. Like most people, I guess. My specific lot were among the first to grasp, collectively and with spirit, that the thing to do with Nazis is kill them till they're dead.

This one is very pretty. Germanic rather than Roman, and you can see the difference in craftsmanship. Roman jewellery is better made overall; this looks great on the bits you can see, but has dirty great lumps of solder on the underside. Because the Romans had access to better tools and workshops?

My daughter has to analyse 5 poems for her homework. Because I’m pretentious I’ve suggested works by a Russian poet to stand out a bit. Because I’m a terrible human being, I’ve also suggested This Be The Verse. An Arundel Tomb too; I’m not a total monster.

I think that a big problem for the left* is that a vote for them is a vote for timidity & inertia. The far right right offer action and make stuff happen. All that stuff is awful, yes, but people seem to prefer it. * - or at least, whatever the most leftwing party is appearing on a ballot near you

Mind, the unsolicited emails have taken a bleak turn since I hit 50. They’ve gone from holidays and viagra, to funerals and health insurance. And viagra.

Has Rowling transvestigated any Winter Olympians, or does she save that for the summer months and darker skinned women?

I genuinely had planned to do some housework today. However, Boba is comfy and whenever I shift even slightly she raises her head and glare at me in disapproval. #caturday

I don’t want to laugh at a small business but also VERY funny

Have a good #caturday everyone.

Imagine if it happens on the same day that Rupert Murdoch dies.

But… but is there *ANY* way this could be a woman’s fault…?

Bleak as these figures are (basically, we're going to run out of criminal defence solicitors in about 10 years), I'm curious about the one Duty Solicitor in England and Wales who's age is unknown.

while socialist politicians should work with liberals to pass their agenda, they shouldn't endorse people who are anti-socialism

I had a brief stint doing talking head spots for Sky News ages ago. 'Wry look at the news' kind of stuff. I quit after the booker told me Milo 'was actually a good guy & harmless once you got to know him'. I stopped answering their texts asking if I was free to appear for £50 & a cab home. 1/4

“I COME ‘ERE IN A TAXI!”

The story of this refurb is an accurate analogy for our politics. Every government has known what needs to be done. But indecisiveness, incompetentence, inattention and distraction have made a mess of this project in the same way it made a mess of this country www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

The Struggles Of Elon Musk 😔

“Let’s talk this through so I can follow your logic” ‘Ok’ “You said money can’t buy happiness” ‘Yes’ “So instead you’re using it to buy a fascist regime for every western democracy” ‘That’s right’ “And you really don’t understand why absolutely everyone hates you?” ‘No. I mean, I’m a fun guy’

The crappy spread on the sandwiches totally ruined the funeral reception I was at yesterday. I told them "I can't bereave. It's not butter".

@profanity.accountant hello.

Charlie’s Garden:

Starting to think that nothing will continue to happen as a result of years of revelations from the Panama Papers, the Epstein files, & all the other “Rich ppl do whatever the fuck they want, fuck you povvo” scandals. Until one day, everything will happen all at once. That’ll be an interesting day.

[explaining to a child why they are living in poverty] for every hundredth pint i drink i can get one free pint

I’m hearing that Antifa did a shit in the President’s pants.

Stripey cat, 500 pounds. He's got eyes he's a tiger. There they are on the front of his face. He can see with his eyes, yes he can. It’s cos He is a tiger. He's got tigery eyes. He's got eyes on his face, cos he's a tiger.

I hope billionaires explode into a maelstrom of coins when they die.

Ran out of kids vitamin tablets so gave my son a one for grownups. Within seconds it had been spat across the room. “That tastes like toys!” was bellowed. I am not currently allowed to give him any more vitamin tablets. He doesn’t trust me.

Eeeeee, Peter Mandelson’s resignations seem to come around earlier each year. And it’s too commercial nowadays. I remember staying up late, writing my list of preferred tax exemptions before leaving out a big plate of mushy peas labelled “Guacamole”. Kids these days are missing out on the spirit!

I think I need this in my life.

Starting to think there’s a strong chance he’s going to be found dead, quickly buried, and spoke about no longer in polite society…

Fearless defender of women and girls invites convicted trafficker of women and girls to a fun little dinner.

I see Rupert Murdoch is in the Epstein files.

When Gonzo dies a lot of chickens will come forward, sadly. Be ready for it.

Today I encountered The Crab Of Doom.

I feel as though me, the Beckhams and the my fam move in different circles, if they think Brooklyn's mum dancing weird ruined the wedding. I've been to a wedding where the bride's mother got her tits out and punched the cake.

Imagine if JK Rowling threw the energy and resources she spends on harassing trans people in the name of 'protecting women and children' at rich men trafficking children for sex.

Has Glinner said a single word about the Epstein stuff, or does his crusade not cover women when they actually are being abused?

If you eat and enjoy Parma violet sweeties, I’m afraid you need to die.