My daughter is 21 today. Most memories of that moment are as precious as can be imagined. All but one. open.substack.com/pub/pauljenk...

me when the AI bubble bursts

Tim Davie is a prick though. Not keen on how or why he’s been put in this position, not remotely sorry that he’s going. Ditto the head of BBC News: maybe we’ll get less fawning coverage of Reform now, and fewer efforts to blame trans people for their own oppression. Hey, maybe Kuenssberg will go!

Ok, I’m less depressed about the state of my life now.

The post-Gatwa era sounds a bit dark

So far, the main ways my Parkinson’s Disease is making itself known are brain fog, anxiety, and hot flushes. I’m basically perimenopausal.

My 7 year old son’s line of questioning this evening has focussed primarily on death and vaginas.

Me flirting

I will soon be opening and drinking a 50 year old bottle of Barolo. I’m thinking I might have it along with some nachos.

Monkeys think they’re so great.

My most cancellable opinion is that Aldershot sounds like it should be in Yorkshire and Skegness, Scotland.

Made it to an audition this evening. Something I used to do all the time which has felt beyond me recently. Quite proud of myself tbh.

On my dog walk I often chat with right wingers. I pretend I am an ex-Reform voter put off by the utter fuck up of our county council. Then they see me as one of their own, don't get defensive and shouty, and start to question their own opinion of Reform. Honey, not vinegar.

Terms and conditions apply, actual amount of love may vary from user to user, offer unavailable to Stephen Miller, Dominic Cummings, or transphobes.

Occasional reminder that the Vimy Ridge Memorial is literally sat on Canadian soil. The French made an official state gift of it on an anniversary a while back. Which means Canada can not only join Eurovision, but technically qualifies for EU membership.

On reflection, I find that my previous statements regarding the identity of The Dancer are considerably less serious than cancer.

From Father Ted to Hail Mary Whitehouse. Is that anything?

rip 😔

Just think how much more powerful Bullet In The Head by Rage Against the Machine would’ve been if they’d called it Sandwich In The Knee.

Dick Cheney's porn name was Dick Cheney

Listening when Farage speaks is like eating when a dog shits on your plate

Had a great gig as TV reviewer for The Lady Magazine earlier this year which I enjoyed immensely. However, this institution first published in 1885 folded suddenly back in the spring just when I was getting into my stride. Never even got paid! Still, if anyone needs a TV reviewer - I’m available!

Trump is going to announce he’s deporting Mamdani on Wednesday, isn’t he?

One definition of White Privilege is “the ability to stab loads of people without an upsettingly large number of people saying you did so because of your skin colour”.

This is splendid.

VAR is fucking bullshit, and I say that as someone whose team have just been spared a penalty as a result of it.

This is how I’m going to look every time someone dislikes one of my posts.

I’m hardly on here because the thought of building an audience on a whole other space again is just daunting. I’m mainly using threads and insta. However should you be following me here and in Barcelona I will be performing my show there next week barcelonafringefestival.com/events/post-...

None of yer “teeny tiny packet” nonsense. Spain leads the way in pork scratchings delivery systems with this, a literal bucket of the stuff.

This. It should be a criminal offence to do this.

Happy Halloween www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_Co...

Hard to escape the feeling that the rollback of vaccines in America, the stripping back of social security here, there and everywhere are very much part of how the elites intend to combat the effects of climate change. There won’t be enough food or land for everyone. Let’s cut down on the people…

i would like a new rule. Whenever an MP gets away with an infringement, we all get to get away with it. An amnesty should be passed for 12 months dated from the day the MP says 'sorry' and that rule doesn't have to be followed by anyone in the nation during that time

I’m going as the time I stopped taking my meds and vomited so hard that I broke the toilet of someone I’d just met.

Not much talk of “9/11 was an inside job” or “the shadow state” now that Trump is doing whatever the fuck he chooses whenever the fuck he likes, is there?

He fucks you up Ozymandias He may not mean to, but he does Ye mighty look upon his works In antique lands, and kill the buzz

Apparently Parkinson’s is something to do with having low dopamine levels or fucked up dopamine receptors, so the obvious question is “When do you start me on the MDMA please?”

We all give our cats surnames pertaining to their physical and/or character traits right? Right?

Awoke this morning to find that my son had fixed the long-broken PS3 and sourced a new controller on eBay. He’s 7. I couldn’t tie my shoelaces at age 7.

Post something random or you’ll have an AWFUL November

Mark E Smith passing judgement on the final episodes of classic box set dramas. The Sopranos. “It’s typical lazy Yank writing. Stick em in a diner. Fade to black. Everyone says it’s clever but you wouldn’t get away with that on ITV. Isn’t Springsteen in it? Or Sting. That fucking says it all.”

Really good Halloween films that you can watch for nowt on the iPlayer. Thread >>>

Me, dealing with the bomb. open.substack.com/pub/pauljenk...

As I believe I’ve mentioned before, what I love most about cats is their inherent dignity…

“Ok, now pop your leg over your shoulder” said the yoga instructor. My head hanging down with exhaustion, I laugh at her joke. I drag my head up to see what she’s actually asked us to do. Her leg is over her shoulder. Others in the class seem unsurprised by this. I am out of my depth.

Rather than going for a standard phallus design, Russia's new nuclear-powered missile looks like a dog's lipstick

My birthday is 25 hours long, and simply writing that makes me feel like a character in a woozy, reality-adjacent horror movie.

Racists regularly complain that BAME people don’t try to fit in, don’t try to be part of “our culture” etc so it always amuses me when you see them screaming at advertisers for including them in their marketing. It’s not as if tv is awash with adverts for molokhia leaves, jerk chicken and ghee.

I’ll tell it now quickly. It paints me in a very good light, I’m sorry to say, but I just sent a text. So when the Caron Keating #TOTP was shown on BBC Four, I texted Gloria and said that they’d shown it and sent her the link. Gloria rings and says “can you get it on a DVD for me?”. “I’ll try”.

Loads of cool people and me contributed to this piece, please read and share 👊🏾 Notice the breadth of occupations of the contributors and the range of things selected. I think we're trying to tell you something... www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...