www.maptap.gg July 4 98🎯 99🎯 98🎯 76🤗 91🏆 Final score: 894

Absolutely incredible stuff.

I find the lack of treats disturbing

Ok, here’s the ‘Kiss From A Rose’ story. Trevor Horn keeps hearing about this rose song that Seal keeps singing to people at parties. He keeps hearing it’s amazing, but Seal isn’t arsed. Horn goes to Seal’s house and says “what’s this song?”, and Seal says “oh, it’s on one of those tapes over there”

"Not ALL the single ladies" - Nuancé

A cherry sour, whilst delicious, causes an absolute bastard of a hangover. The more so when you have about 5 of them. And a martini. And woo woos. And cava. Christ, I feel like I’ve just wandered out of a war zone…

Glinner ‘Slam dunk for honorary head of Stonewall’ until revealing his views on trans people existing.

www.maptap.gg July 3 93🏆 83😁 73🤗 75🤗 78😂 Final score: 781

I think if pushed, I’d have to say that the thing I miss most in life, is Belmsford.

I’m loving all these world class performances from goalies, but could we have at least one game where the keeper has an absolute shocker?

Anyone else reckon Jenrick will be booted out of Reform before the end of the year?

People : oh wow they ordained those illegal bishops i wonder what the pope might d- Pope : EXCOMMUNICATE DAY WOO People : u didnt let me fin- Pope : I DIDNT STUTTER JIMMY

www.maptap.gg July 2 93🏆 92🏆 72🙃 94🏅 86🎓 Final score: 869

YES! Sick of the sight of the ‘roided ratboy during England games.

Losing to Iceland was bad enough. But at least that was a major retailer with thousands of employees. Now England are losing to an individual doctor.

John Hinckley Jr. in 1981

Seeing this level of petty spite out in the world just warms my heart so much.

Okay. So. Obscure Military Holy Orders. Bear with me on this one: In 1687 the French were aggressively expanding their trade and slavery operations on the Gold Coast. As part of this two young West African boys were sent back to France, most likely as slaves. One may have been called "Aniaba". /1🧵

He's like that bloke in the pub who got really into a hobby in his 40s and insists on shoehorning it into every conversation even though he knows nothing about it "Yeah that problem with your boss is a bit like when I'm trying to beat my cycling PB using my Shimano brakes..."

There’s a cat that is persistently invading the garden. Today I caught it with its nose pressed against the cat flap. I am delighted at the prospect of joining Betty & Boba in defending their territory. I am making plans. I feel *alive*. I am 50 years old.

Oh no, who could’ve seen this coming from several astronomical units away?

If you’re the….kind of….person who thinks that…Odegaard is a (chuckles)…Norwegian deodorant…

Cracking goal, that.

“Will no one rid me of this turbulent yeast?!” - Henry II discovers he has thrush.

www.maptap.gg June 30 99🎯 94🏅 93🏆 72🙃 95🏅 Final score: 880

We need to bring back the mass wearing of hats. Watch any movie from the 1940s or earlier - the people look miles better.

Jesus, Kemi is just completely fucking insane isn’t she?

English romantic drama - either a period drama where two unfathomably attractive poshos meet up, quarrel but marry with Emma Thompson weeping in the crowd OR two unfathomably attractive undergraduates with Very Different Backgrounds meet up, fuck, buy stuff from Ikea and one of them dies.

www.maptap.gg June 29 91👑 98🎯 93🏆 87🎓 67🫢 Final score: 837

Saturday night telly at its bleakest. Ant and Dec hosting, pushing various traumatised people from the worst places on earth on to a stage where the public get to decide their fate. Stephen Mulhern invents the catchphrase “Dinghy Do Well?” Press Red to win a Seat Ibiza. Calls cost £3.

Whilst this is true, I also don't care. Oh no, did the obviously lying snake oil salesman deceive you with their obvious lies and snake oil? Poor diddums. Maybe you should give not being a fucking idiot a try. See if that works out better for you.

The group stage is the best bit of the World Cup. IDST.

Boba has been fighting a neighbour cat and has acquired a battle scar which gives her the most adorable red nose.

Without downloading new pics, describe your gender with one image.

I hadn't heard of Laurence Westgaph until reading this. I know precisely who he is now.

Mothership, the annual fundraising festival for Acomb cricket club, currently mustering a better turnout than the spray-painted rapist's State Fair shitshow.

⚡ MapTap Challenge Round - Jun 28 www.maptap.gg/challenge 96🏅 97🏅 94🏆 66🙃 92👑 Score: 855 in 21.3s (4.2s to spare!)

www.maptap.gg June 28 96🔥 99🎯 92🏆 84😁 76🤗 Final score: 859

Taskmaster should recreate the Stanford prison experiment.

I think I’d prefer AI commentary tbh. #TheFootball

Stop showing that ghastly slab headed, fuck faced full kit wanker in the corporate seats in every single fucking England game. I am *begging* you.

Newest columnist in the Telegraph, I think.

'The Optimist'

Poddington Herpes. Is that anything?

⚡ MapTap Challenge Round - Jun 27 www.maptap.gg/challenge 99🔥 93👑 99🔥 65🙃 86😁 Score: 843 in 22.4s (3.1s to spare!)

www.maptap.gg June 27 99🎯 94🏅 87🎓 80🌞 94🏅 Final score: 889

I think one of my favourite paintings is the one where Captain Oates has just been kicked in the balls by a penguin.