It's your birthday, Duane.

Commentary: Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! https://theonion.com/ho-ho-ho-im-regrowing-my-foreskin-2/

We've got a book of toxic wallpaper that can kill (arsenic I think). It was made as a reference to avoid toxic wallpaper but I guess when they made it they didn't think about the fact that the samples were also toxic

I want everyone who hasn’t done historical research to read this thread. You’ll learn so much about what the field of history is. And why it’s so so so cool.

I'll be so honest, the overwhelming response to the Bondi Hanukkah shooting has felt isolating and dehumanizing as an Antizionist Jew. But "antisemite of the year" candidate Ms Rachel was a breath of fresh air. I would defend this woman with my life.

oh this is gonna be GOOD

I love working at the Department of Justice and participating in a conspiracy to cover up the demented 80 year old president's sex crimes. I spend 18 hours a day redacting documents and there's a putrid husk where my soul used to be

“i have to use AI because i’m bad at drawingggg 😭😭😭”

Pickled eggs were once again a hit at the office potluck. I am a God. A brinomancer of the highest echelon.

From the screenwriter of 'Chernobyl'.

Things are going great over at X, The Everything App

this is a good battle to pick. the CEO mentioned using "AI" and got so much shit for it immediately that he's rattled and backpedaling. easy win there

I do not think the right is remotely prepared for the scale of celebration that we’ll see When It Happens

Any attack targeted at people just because they are Jewish is as barbaric and evil as any attack on people just because they are Palestinian, or whatever other nationality. I will not accept any justification or relativization for this horrifying act of antisemitism in my mentions. Evil, period.

You need to read this thread and you need to be calling every representative you have and threatening to literally never vote for them again and donate your time to getting them replaced if they do this. If you don't, it's basically the end of the internet.

These ridiculous mega-projects like "datacenters in space" (doomed by thermodynamics) make a LOT more sense when you realize they're massive Ponzi schemes designed to transfer wealth from pension funds to VC's through "fee stacking." It's the old Assets Under Management con. It should be illegal.

Every part of this is bonkers. The intro is bonkers. The transition to his health is bonkers. The mention that other presidents didn't need cognitive exams is bonkers. The claim that this screening test is somehow hard is bonkers. The idea that criticism of him is treason is bonkers. All of it.

I’m running for Congress because we need leaders who will fight, not fold. I recognize this moment, and I’m ready to meet it. #FightDontFold #LanderForNYC #LanderForCongress

The Houthis:

I can’t emphasize enough how much you need to watch this until the end

Once again, the ads in the print edition of @theonion.com are worth the price alone

For any Dimension 20 nerds out there, we WILL be bringing the dome to Capitol Hill if I win.

mcdonalds deleted their ai ad, bullying works

For the record, I will be swearing in on Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower after I’m elected.

lmfao

MORPHEUS: They're coming for you, Neo. I can guide you, but you must do exactly as I say. Take the elevator to the lobby and go to the CVS across the street. Purchase 5 Steam gift cards at $200 each. Scratch off the protective coating on the back and tell me the fifteen digit redemption codes. Hurry

Hello Aaron this is your PR rep speaking. I am advising you today to please keep posting this shit

We got Weird Al out here singing Killing In The Name, the time for moderation is over

One of the best-sketched characters in an incredibly character-rich show: a fascist whose (potentially real!) redeeming qualities are continually undercut by his monumental pride, bigotry, entitlement and pettiness

my paternal great grandparents got off a boat in Newark and were americans from the moment they touched american soil. my only objection to that pattern is that i think we should send a plane to pick up anyone who declares themselves an american.

there was a time this would have led to instant and public dismissal and your now unemployment being used as a warning to every new hire for the next 10 years We don't have to give up on that world

They are running the government according to the logic of right-wing grievance media. I cannot emphasize that enough. The point is to create content, and they don't see an actual difference between dunking on Sabrina Carpenter, passing legislation, and bombing other countries.

the thing is that blowing up drug boats is just murder. no law licenses it. it is just war crimes. but to say out loud what the penalty for committing them is puts us in the position of accusing high government officials of capital crimes. it is critically important to be able to say the obvious.

One of the dilemmas of living through the second Trump administration is that saying these things out loud seems crazy. But yeah, the death penalty is an established, well-documented thing we have on the books for precisely these kinds of crimes; they obviously did it; and it's not hard to prove.

I’ll be streaming with famed American Girl Shoe Doll Designer Brennan Lee Mulligan!! Make sure to tune in Monday, Dec 8 at 6:30 PM CT on Twitch or YouTube! Drop any snack-related questions I should ask below : ) @brennanleemulligan.bsky.social

It's the moment when he takes the medal out of the box and puts it on himself for me. That's one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen lol. He's so desperate to get it.

Your Cherokee words for today. The top word is English followed by how it is written in the Cherokee language followed by how it is spelled in English then how to pronounce it phonetically.

Der er indtil videre investeret 4.600.000.000.000kr i “AI”, og hvad har vi fået for det? Mænd kan nu lave dårlige opsummeringer af bøger, de ikke gider at læse. Overtager “AI” os? Nej. Men det gør vores børn. Invester i dem. 50.000 af dem lever i fattigdom i Danmark. Hjælp på MobilePay 30402

I’ll admit this is depressing to me, that the GOP is trying to bring back the 50’s but in their heart of hearts Schumer and Jeffries and their ilk just want to bring back the 90’s. There’s no party infrastructure (plenty of individuals) actively forward-looking.

This has been my whole freaking life. Every time Republicans take power people are like goddamit this is awful, they get voted out, then two years later people are like hmmm Republicans again

COMING SOON: AI + Guy™

lol remember when they were pretending you could make GTA6 "In 6 months with a team of 10" and AI would handcraft you five Oscar-worthy films daily with single-sentence prompts Now it's "This jiggly AI slut never says no"

Ya know, every single time I have a hankering to play a game where I fly a spaceship, it becomes this elaborate chain of specific cravings that inevitably results in "it's Freelancer, all you're doing is trying to find another Freelancer" No gamepad support but there are other cravings at play here

Perfect natural experiment. If Biden and Congress had treated the Jan 6th insurrection like the treason it was and jailed the people behind it, Trump’s power would have shriveled on the vine.

What if we razed every Data Center to the ground and salted the earth where they stood

the fact that nick fuentes isn’t here but ms rachel is illustrates perfectly that groups like this don’t actually care about antisemitism at all