Why would my phone think I wanted to write Rice Kristin's?

It may never not be a source of frustration that there are song parody videos with millions of views that I don't think are as good as at least some of mine. But they were made in a different time. The long ago when algorithms favored such things rather than conspiring against them.

I'm trying to save money and avoid going outside, so I made myself a couple of chicken sandwiches. Delicious, but the sodium content is concerning.

know what's way cooler than posting ai images on bluesky? not doing that.

I wonder where Donald is getting the money to fight Mexico, Greenland/Europe, and China lmao none of these fucking morons know how any of this works Americans will be the ones eating the cats eating the dogs if y'all don't put pawpaw down for his nap

Stephen Miller gives the moral-logic argument for bigger, stronger men to beat up Stephen Miller and take his stuff.

I had an idea for a song parody today for the first time all year, but I haven't started physically writing it yet. There's enough there to start, but not sure if there's enough to finish

Ruin a band by changing one letter Night Manger Sister Christian would end up a lot more Jesus-themed

Not sure how much of an official thing shameless self-promotion Saturday is, but I don't think there's a good reason why this video has under 50 views. youtu.be/WipehymVhSs

Gonna ask Meryl Streep to give me one of her Oscars

Walking to the top of a hill should be rewarded with less wind, not more of it.

Yesterday I watched 4 episodes of season 2 of Wednesday This morning I woke up from a nightmare Hoping to finish the season today and to sleep better

401K sounds like too long of a run, no thanks.

“What are we doing again?” “Birdwatching.” “How does this work?” “First, we look for a bird.” “And we eat it.” “No, we take a picture of it.” “Then we eat it?” “No, we write down the name of it.” “And then can we finally eat it?” “We don’t eat the bird, Gerald.” “This is stupid.”

I understand the argument against being able to edit posts, but can we at least get squiggly lines to help us more easily catch errors before posting?

I tried writing a joke about salt, but it was too much pressure.

I don't know about this, Woody. Maybe the guitar could say 'This machine gives fascists better training'?

And with a mere 7 such meals per day, you could potentially feed a family of one.

Pitbull spent years spreading the message that his life is a movie, and perhaps ours could be too if we worked hard enough. Life is a movie now. But he didn't specify which one. Would have been better off with Jumanji than this.

Look I’m as right wing as they come but I have sincere questions about Christian kids in high school sports. God’s always helping them and that isn’t fair. That’s why I support common sense legislation to keep them locked in tiny cages under the school where other students can poke them with sticks.

This morning, I started up my computer, and Microsoft Edge filled the screen with this message: LET'S RELIVE WHAT MADE 2025 SO SPECIAL! Dear Microsoft Edge, please let's not.

thanks caller i.d. for “useful” information as opposed to maybe: cow

New FuMP! "Groanin'" by @ethanmawyersongparodies.com thefump.com/music/song/g...

@ethanmawyersongparodies.com !! I just heard "Groanin'" on @thefump.bsky.social!!! Made my day!! Perfectly fun parody with killer lyrics, and great performance and production!! Well done!!!

My dad joke song is up on the FUMP now thefump.com/music/song/g...

Took this in the middle of eating lunch, after having already eaten a stuffed mushroom. Unless there's a conspiracy to remove protein from salmon, the anti-protein warriors (whoever and wherever they are) didn't ruin this.

Talking about a "war on protein" like that's even a plausible thing is bending my brain. Like how. Just this morning I had a chocolate milk thing with 42g of protein in it. The entire yogurt section in the store is screaming about it. You can't escape protein

Spent my shower thinking about what acts I've written the most song parodies of without making a video out of any of them, and I think it's either Red Hot Chili Peppers or Billy Joel. The Billy Joel ones were mostly from high school, so they may never find their way onto YouTube and such.

Slightly diminish a game Tourists of Catan

If you like eating snacks at midnight When you should be in bed

If Tom Brady were to give me one of his rings, I'm not delusional enough to believe that would make me a Super Bowl Champion.

After over a year here, I found out and pinned the For You feed. Will see what that's like soon, maybe.

Thogh no thinge No thinge kan keepe us togethir We kan beat them Forevir and evir & we koude be heroes just for one daye 1947-2016

Does anyone ever get sad about not being able to know what happens in future history after you're dead? No? Just me?

bangers and mash is when you're making good posts while watching a korean war medical sitcom

No King, all Crimson

"I'm Nobody! Who are You?"by Emily Dickinson was about her struggles getting verified on Bluesky

All imagine, no dragons

Still sore 2 days after running a 400 meter race and trying to run a 3k. Maybe this is why people train for such things.

Work It by Missy Elliott is about finding the slope to a line perpendicular to a line you already know the equation for. This is what happens when work involves sitting in a geometry class

yes, i get it, every new atrocity is a distraction from the previous atrocity. an atrocious nesting doll if you will. don’t worry though, i can be appalled at the cumulative sum of all the atrocities.

Sometimes I wonder if I should promote my song about wanting just a little bit of success (it has zero sales and almost zero streams)

Reformed January 6th participant (who refused a pardon): “You can't gaslight me. I was there. I saw the officers being pepper sprayed. I watched one of them fall down and hit his head and his back. So don't be telling me it wasn't violent.”

you could probably capture our president by writing "nobel peace prize" on a pie plate and putting it under one of those boxes held up with a stick tied to a string

I remember 2025 like it was just a few days ago

ME: (doing standup) what's the deal with airplane food AUDIENCE: *crickets* [later] GRASSHOPPER: how was the show CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious

"Grilled cheese" is somewhat of a misnomer. It's actually the bread that's grilled; the cheese just melts. We've been getting lied to for years.

I have grown weary of standing, REM. Please advise.