like 13 years ago i was riding my bike over the brooklyn bridge and huffing and puffing on the incline part and this lady was like "get it girl!" and i'll never forget

just admit you can't do anything and leave me alone about it! god!!!!!!!

hint nothing

I maintain that among the media's biggest mistakes has been continuing to ask Trump questions as if he's a normal guy instead of asking things like "Can you explain who Jesus is" or "Describe the process of pumping gas"

All this "weak on crime" rhetoric is really gonna hurt Pope Leo's campaign for Attorney General.

Octavia E. Butler, 1998:

just finished listening to "The Payback" by @kashana.blacksky.app and it was so good, highly recommend! #acab #especiallydebtpolice

YOU MUST MAINTAIN YOUR STRENGTH AND POWER! HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT.

omfg

We should all be like this frog with dementia

Eric Adams? The Albanian?

man morale at the AP is real bad huh

you know how whenever people talk about how bad the drivers in their region are, they never think they're one of them? i think that's what's wrong with the world

Darkness came on

did she walk out to a streisand song

many of us have even had to work when we weren't scheduled to! and not even for a world war level crisis!

finally read this yesterday and it was really well done. they illustrate every grandiose sales pitch in musical counterpoint to the duplicitous actions

Time to hitch a tractor to the ol’ Overton window here in the States and drag it left, left, left ‘til we’re no longer blinded in one eye.

yeah he's prone to do that but i wish he was prone and unresponsive on the floor

the nyt needs to listen to shell game

Actually do it in Independence Hall

OG Woke

i really try not to judge on appeareances but is this guy a literal demon from hell

TRUMP: "I'm gonna fuckin' blow up all the fuckers! I wanna use all the bombs before I die! Helter skelter! Helter skelter! Race war! Race war! Fuck Easter and fuck you, too!" NEWS: "Trump promises to strengthen military in early morning Easter greeting."

girl take us with you

alright christian god i know we’ve had our quarrels but i am prepared to ‘go catholic’ if you make it happen for comedy effect today specifically. i won’t half ass it like i do with judaism either. i’ll wear the thing on my head and eat the crackers and shit

Content creators: STOP TAPPING EVERYTHING WITH YOUR FUCKING LONG NAILS

this would be an amazing way for It to happen

it’s true that overall likes are way down on bluesky over the past year. however, if you look closely at the data, that’s mostly an anomaly resulting from the fact that your posts specifically have gotten worse and are dragging the vibe down.

that's right

also sorry but some of us are good at spreadsheets and don't need that farmed out either 🤷‍♀️

where do i request $1.5 trillion i'm gonna buy snacks

just heard the news and came looking for this post

i still hope someday Adam Scott hears my music podcast pitch "Talking Heads heads talking Talking Heads"

@michaelhobbes.bsky.social @yrfatfriend.bsky.social "this is turning me straight" at 1980s victoria principal spa commercial just killed me

He is gonna crash out so hard today, if he hasn't already. ...maybe it will happen today.

If it happens today, this will replace Halloween as my favorite holiday

Great prank for a tree: slowly raise up a section of sidewalk with your large roots for 50 years... watch some dummy trip.

i prefer to never be perceived, so works for me

can we make tomorrow the Day of Cis Invisibility

also like it's on the grounds of the white house which presumably belongs to us? so like he'd probably just claim ownership anyway?

😂😂😂😂 not pictured stacks of file boxes filled with confidential docs in the bathroom

i got titebond3 on my prescription woodshop goggles

It appears many of you are drawing the wrong conclusion that my partner is a torment nexus from my new book, My Partner Is Definitely Not A Torment Nexus. Unfortunately you’ll have to wait for the sequel, Turns Out My Partner Was A Torment Nexus All Along

I guess boycotting Harry Potter feels pretty trivial to me, because I'm an adult. if someone told me I shouldn't eat Gerber's baby food, I'd be like, that is no problem. I'm way ahead of you