Well done to the lads but I stand by my argument that football should be played on skis.

@mrrickygervais.bsky.social We all know of ‘CamelToe’ & ‘Moose Knuckle’ but in S01E01 of #AfterLife you should be credited with creating a whole new genre. Best I’ve come up with is a ‘Butt Cut’ or ‘Valley of the Clings’.

We all know of ‘CamelToe’ & ‘Moose Knuckle’ but in S01E01 of #AfterLife Ricky Gervias should be credited with creating a whole new genre. Best I’ve come up with is a ‘Butt Cut’…

You want to see Norway men’s national football team’s official photo for World Cup 2026 www.nytimes.com/athletic/733...

The trailer for the new #MastersOfTheUniverse movie wasn’t what I expected vm.tiktok.com/ZNRv1AJC3/

I bet my Viking ancestors didn’t have to put up with this bullshit!

Failed my James Bond audition as 'was too old, not good at acting' and had 'a bit of a gut'. Onwards.

I see Jesus is trending. Hope he’s ok.

face plant

Still a hint of asparagus. #KindaLingers

Is it 'a letter from HR'?

@glennyrodge.bsky.social Happy Birthday!

Why ‘A-ha lead singer biographer’ and not ‘M. Harket researcher’? #totp

Honestly, you’d have thought that if anyone would have known the best time to ask for a driver, it’d be Tiger Woods.

If self-deprecation was a competitive sport, I probably wouldn't even get a medal.

Public Service Announcement: Drivers are advised to avoid all roads leading to Andover, Hampshire. There aren’t any road closures.. it’s just, you know, awful. #PSA

I bet Bruce Lee is shitting himself #ChuckNorris

Shocking images of how crystal meth has ruined a young girl in just 2 years. #justsayno

Top 5 invisible things; 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

Top 5 invisible things; 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

I think I just got a bot follow from some keyword in my last 3 tweets. I remember on Twitter when that was a new thing so you could post random words to gain many followers if you were shallow hammer car tits food travel tits tools equipment more tits boat fish animal discount AI invest tits tits

Actually, being nearly 2m tall, my gravestone will probably read ‘Move along, please. You’re standing on my shin.’

My epitaph will read “He knew his audience.”

Fell down the hole of a TikTok channel HowAnimalsPoops. Not my proudest 10 minutes but I can say that Rhinos for the win but cockroaches just yuck!

Oh, the grand old duke of york He ██████████████████ He ██████████████████ And he ██████████████████

Yes, I do get a high on brake fluid. But I can stop any time I like.

Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. Oh my God! There’s so much blood!

I woke up feeling grumpy, this morning. The other 6 dwarves were huddled, terrified, at the foot of my bed.

I've found god. It's my turn to hide now.

I’ve been doing ‘Parrot Pilates’. It really works macaw.

This is who runs this account.

I had many Uncles, growing up in Norway. My Uncle Sven (pictured) used to babysit me. Aside from my night-terrors and bed-wetting into adulthood… I remember him fondly.

Yourself but as a cartoon

Don’t eat…

#Science The Great White Shark is the most feared but also the most studied of all sharks so we know, empirically, that they predate dinosaurs, don’t celebrate birthdays or masturbate. Which raises the question… Can we really blame them?

Quote post with a picture of you being a dork

I feel confident that most of you hold firm the belief that, if on a strange, rocky landscape and some rocks were not behaving within expected parameters. Then the ideal stranger to bump into would be a Geologist. Well, you’d be wrong! Roll film.

I have to work tomorrow.

But now that’s ALL I want to do!

aspirational

Just found out I can’t put a Hula Hoop on each finger, like a ring, and bite it off. Worried I might be an adult.

You can’t even lure children into your gingerbread house to eat them any more without being cooked in your own oven. I blame Hansel culture

I see your da has been pitching his ideas for the next #JurassicWorld movie

How I’m walking out of 2025.

My dog and two cats love to throw up on the floor and they represent 60% of the household. As a leader I can't just ignore public opinion so I also throw up on the floor sometimes to stay popular

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

Im addicted to cold turkey but I don’t know how to quit it.

In ‘Avengers Infinity War’, Dr Strange experiences 14,000,605 possible outcomes for their situation to identify the one possible victory. Well, my wife is 2 bottles of Prosecco down, menopausal and just asked me if her sister did a good job hosting Boxing Day today. Your move, Dr Strange.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo bean? I've never had a garbonzo bean on my face! THANKYOUVERYMUCH!