Assume anyone who missed first package has seen this? www.chelseafc.com/en/news/arti...

Due to staff shortages, wizards are developing bad backs.

23.6.2016

Everyone who advocates for turning the UK into the UAE assumes they'll be the one with a marina penthouse rather than the guy working on a building site in 50c heat

This makes me love her even more! What a sad loss. 💙

Claire's Accessories closing down, but you will NOT predict the reason given.

Lads lads lads! We’ve overtaken Sunderland and we’re only 3 points behind Bournemouth!! 😂 Also the 100 point season is still on! UTFC

Oh ha ha ha. Excellent to see FIFA help ordinary fans…

I despair at the persistence of the belief that a better world is just a few more murders away.

The 'peace plan' for Gaza involves Palestine surrendering to the USA/Israel who have been committing Genocide against them. It is yet another War Crime.

**TICKET KLAXON** Forest away on sale tomorrow. I’ve not seen anything announced from the Club of cours

Oh goody, Qarabag about to go 6 from 6 in the CL group stage. Good thing we’ve a team of hardened pros who won’t crack under pressure away from home 👍🏻

Golden Plovers dazzle in today’s #AutumnArrivalSpotlight. ✨ While some stay year-round, their numbers grow in winter as they’re joined by visitors from Scandinavia. Spot them darting about in fields and estuaries.

First half decent but not enough goal threat. Second half dog shit Three points good, pretty much everything else not so much

Carabao Cup forward line tonight then

This whole section really.

Here’s this week’s cartoon for @sport.theguardian.com www.theguardian.com/football/pic...

#cfc by the way if you want them to stop playing music after a goal, email [email protected] and let them know

[sitting in an open water barrel] man, from the way people on bluesky talk about it i was expecting more from this “butt stuff”

The next time Jimmy Carr harps on about free speech he should never be allowed to forget that, in order to co-headline (?) with Louis CK in the big comedy wash, he had to sign a contract promising to be mega-woke for Saudi Arabia. deadline.com/2025/09/atsu...

You can't joke about anything anymore. Because you signed a multi figure contract with the Saudi government that said they wouldn't pay you if you did.

I don’t want to pick on the lad but I suspect Josh was way off fitness. His first touch almost lost the ball so many times, looks like he wasn’t ready after his virus.

Bolsanaro, Sarkozy… come on Johnson I’ve got you in an accumulator.

Stealing from an Apple shop only counts as scrumping.

#cfc In case you aren’t aware, all match going fans with WhatsApp MUST follow Chelsea FC Matchday Information - it puts out pretty much all ticketing news, I believe it is an official channel. It’s by far the best way of getting news on ticket sales as well as matchday info, and vital…

Modern football #164

CFC v Benfica tickets on sale to members today. That’s 6 days before the game - so much for allowing fans to plan their lives. The fixtures were confirmed on 30th August, and there has been a glaring absence of information on how CL sales were to be handled, just a drip of info as tickets were sold.

WTAF is the logic here… “no Kavuma-McQueen, Murray-Campbell, Emenalo, Antwi or Dujuan Richards in either squad tonight” (@ChelseaYouth)

#cfc F*** me Guiu can play! They’ve changed the rules (but we’ve only just found out and it’s too late 🙄 www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...

spokesperson for Sadiq Khan: “We are not going to dignify his appalling and bigoted comments with a response. “London is the greatest city in the world, safer than major US cities, and we’re delighted to welcome the record number of US citizens moving here.”

Autumn migration is in full swing! 🍁 Have you noticed any of our winter visitors arriving? Stay tuned: we'll be shining a daily spotlight on the birds joining us for the colder months. Check out the Arrival Boards to see who’s flying in and when! 👇

Here’s this week’s cartoon for @sport.theguardian.com www.theguardian.com/football/pic...

#cfc badly thought out features of the ticket app number 27. Put links to the games in the banner so you can barely access the ticket section

Everyone, from big business CEOs to small business owners to highly paid professionals and lowly paid service staff, has urged the Chancellor to tax someone else. From the new Private Eye, out now.

#cfc I don’t want to worry you but all the STs and members I can see appear to have the correct loyalty points

I got fired from Madame Tussauds for giving suntans to Jim Morrison and his bandmates. They told me to get out and never darken their doors again.

BTW this made me laugh

Cmon lads!

Yeah - but they will look a lot more fuckable.

I feel like we’ve missed a trick by not having Trump taken directly from the airport to Beckonscot Model Village where everyone there insists it is the whole of the UK and it’s always been that size before making him talk to all the tiny people for days and have tiny dinner in a miniature palace.

Paulaner’s Oktoberfest special beer is lovely. Also very dangerous as it’s 6.5% but doesn’t taste it

Cracking stuff from Google AI… it did open on Broadway in Feb for previews, fully in March. And no, Feb 15 2026 hasn’t actually happened yet.

So who’s for a chorus of “they won’t buy you, they won’t buy you, they won’t buy you ‘cos you’re shit” on Wednesday?

@herring1967.bsky.social thanks to you I am now doing Minute Cryptic 👍🏻 However (although I solved it quickly) for some reason I am blaming you for today’s clue which I absolutely hated! This is totally irrational I know, but blaming the wrong people seems to be in vogue these days.

A DISGUSTING SLUR, BLOCKED AND REPORTED

I didn’t know this, but my still new novel is 99p on Kindle. How do the economics of that work for anyone, you ask? Oh, they don’t. But I just want people to read it, and lots of 99p purchases would also make me look better, so please consider gambling just under a pound on it.

That first Brentford goal. Apart from everything else, Wesley Fofana running like a bloke with cramp in both legs was a sight to behold. So far off a level of fitness to start a game. Yesterday showed everything I hate about Maresca. Incoherent team changes, square pegs etc, walking football…

Stoke City away was always a difficult fixture

Now playing as a striker.