Tried to look relaxed, ended up looking like a melt with thin hair. Anyway, I’m on @TimesRadio from 7pm (It’ll be a lot better than this photo)

How does the word ‘lying’ feel about the term ‘gaslighting’? Must be similar to how Skype feels about Zoom.

Cheers to a very fun audience tonight in Monmouth. Thoughts & prayers to the guy who paused too long when asked sharing his hobbies. 🙏🏼

BREAKING NEWS EPISODE 🚨 After a mad few days I reflect on… - Hammy David Lammy - Needy Nigel in the News - Tory’s dancing past an open goal iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

Latest #pisstakeprices leaderboard of shame. <honourable mention to Steve, who carries around emergency gravy in a flask>

Nothing says 'winner' like walking out of a Travelodge breakfast, pockets stuffed with pastries. Hope you also hit your goals today. #ThursdayMotivation

Thanks to a delightful midweek crowd in Redditch. That was an uncommon level of Wednesday energy. I can only presume none of have work tomorrow.

NEW PODCAST EPISODE 💥 The brilliant @vittorioangelon joins me to discuss.. - Who Will Labour tax? - Is it ‘embarrassing’ to have a boyfriend? - Why Autumn is over rated iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

Genuinely interested to know the impact on average voters of bringing up Liz Truss & Kwasi Kwarteng. The news cycle moves so fast now, it’s like being reminded of fidget spinners & the ice-bucket challenge.

NEW PODCAST EPISODE 💥 The brilliant @vittorioangelon joins me to discuss.. - Who Will Labour tax? - Is it ‘embarrassing’ to have a boyfriend? - Why Autumn is over rated iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

So when Reeves talked last year about a ‘once in a parliament’ budget she really meant ‘one a year’.

Just come off stage in Chelmsford. Wow. What an audience. Thanks for coming. 👊🏻👊🏻

It’s weird the press are now referring to him as just ‘Andrew’. It’s like getting updates from the Mrs about a mutual friend going off the rails. ‘He’s had to move out….his brother ain’t talking to him..’

It’s weird the press are now talking about a bloke just called ‘Andrew’. It’s like getting texts from the Mrs about a mutual friend who’s gone off the rails.

BIG THANKS to everyone who’s been listening to my @TimesRadio show - some great recent numbers from Rajar 🎉 I’m back on air tonight from 7pm.

You know what's *almost* as bad as confusion over the chancellor's rental paperwork? Raising employer NI contributions just as AI is becoming a viable alternative to humans.

A story about my WORST ever gig. (From this week’s episode of What Most People Think)

Thoughts & prayers for Rachel Reeves husband over these new emails. I once got the silent treatment for not using the Tesco club-card on our big shop. But I wasn't chancellor. Hang in there buddy.

For my podcast listeners, here’s a rough draft of the first #pisstakeprices leaderboard of shame

Thanks to a cracking (and highly interactive) crowd tonight in Pocklington. I can report to the world that you do live in a real place.

NEW PODCAST EPISODE 💥 The brilliant @mrmarksteel joins me to discuss.. - Labour’s lowest poll - My worst ever gig - Tory Reform alliance? - Wanker drivers (excellent rant by Mark) iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

Hopefully see you at one of my upcoming TOUR shows… Weds - POCKLINGTON - sold out Thurs - OTLEY - sold out Sat - CHELMSFORD - 11 tix left 5th Nov - REDDITCH 6th Nov - MONMOUTH 8th Nov - ALNWICK - 88% sold 9th Nov - NEWCASTLE - 86% sold Get yours here 👉🏼 www.livenation.co.uk/geoff-norcot...

Podcast News 🚨 I’ve selfishly been away on holiday, but I should be able to get it up tomorrow evening.

Hopefully see you at one of my upcoming TOUR shows… Weds - POCKLINGTON - sold out Thurs - OTLEY - sold out Sat - CHELMSFORD - 11 tix left 5th Nov - REDDITCH 6th Nov - MONMOUTH 8th Nov - ALNWICK - 88% sold 9th Nov - NEWCASTLE - 86% sold Get yours here 👉🏼 www.livenation.co.uk/geoff-norcot...

Thanks to tonight’s lovely crowd in Reading. That’s my third solo show there in 18 months. Much appreciated. #BigInBerkshire

BREAKING NEWS EPISODE 💥 My genius producer rescued the file of me reacting to.. - Labour not being Caerphil - Farage having a flounce - Tories in political ‘friendzone’ - Leaky Lib Dem’s iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

BREAKING NEWS EPISODE 💥 My genius producer rescued the file of me reacting to.. - Labour not being Caerphil - Farage having a flounce - Tories in political ‘friendzone’ - Leaky Lib Dem’s iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

Having a bad morning? I just recorded an entire podcast episode then casually deleted it instead of saving. Hope this helps. <will re-do tomorrow morning>

Thanks to a cracking crowd tonight in Stroud. Not a single ageing hipster did abound! 🙏🏼

A truly lovely crowd tonight in Milton Keynes. The amount of tickets I sell here and how nice the crowds are is - I think - an act of football based trolling.

That @TheSimonEvans was on brilliantly strident form in this week's 'What Most People Think' Here's his damming verdict on the UK economy & effect of Net Zero <full episode available on podcast platforms>

NEW EPISODE OF MY TOPICAL COMEDY PODCAST 🚨 That @TheSimonEvans is on blistering form as we discuss.. - Andrew, Grand old Duke of Porkies - Ed Miliband’s date with reality - Zach Polanski and the ‘wealth tax’ myth iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

Following the Aldershot debacle, I only have nice things to say about MILTON KEYNES, STROUD & READING… #comedy #standup #stroud #miltonkeynes

NEW EPISODE OF MY TOPICAL COMEDY PODCAST 🚨 That @TheSimonEvans is on blistering form as we discuss.. - Andrew, Grand old Duke of Porkies - Ed Miliband’s date with reality - Zach Polanski and the ‘wealth tax’ myth iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

Thanks to a lovely Sunday night crowd on the Brighton / Hove border. You braved the moderate winds & piss poor parking 👊🏻👊🏻

Thanks to everyone who came to Aldershot tonight. Checking crowd. And sales did indeed rise after I said insulting things about the town, so I’m thinking up roasts for Stroud & Reading. ✍️

Trump press conference 18:30 I’m on @timesradio from 7pm What could possibly go wrong?

On a train with a guy so battered that when we went through a tunnel he said, ‘Steve? Everything’s gone dark - I think something really bad’s happened.’

Thanks to a quality sold out show tonight in Maidenhead. (Also belated thanks to the Swindon lot from last night). 🙏🏼🙏🏼

BREAKING NEWS EPISODE 💥 I reflect on… - Rachel Reeves preparing us to be poorer - My brush with cancellation - Kemi having a great first half but running out of steam iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

This spy story isn’t sexy enough for people to give a shit because.. - The intel was rubbish - It’s confusing - Neither of the accused would look good in sitting the wrong way on a chair

People of ALDERSHOT I’m not even joking this time

Another FOUR STAR review for my new Tour!! Come see it or your a muppet.

Why does this dog look like it’s being arrested for drug-dealing?

I could never be a counsellor..

‘I notice how you haven’t mentioned…’ …correct, I haven’t - because I’m a standard human being, ruthlessly peddling my own bias.

NEW PODCAST EPISODE 💥 Myself & @francisjfoster bicker while discussing… - Trump’s victory lap - Blaming Brexit - Tik tok, a breeding ground for misandry? iTunes: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott... Spotify: bit.ly/GeoffNorcott...

Thanks to a cracking crowd tonight in Chipping Norton. On a Monday!! Definitely one of the top 5 ‘Nortons’.

How does a journalist even start writing up Trump’s speech? This is headline bukkake.

This weeks shows.. Tonight - LEEDS - 93% sold Mon - CHIPPING NORTON - 17 tix left Weds - SWINDON - sold out Thurs -MAIDENHEAD - sold out Sat - ALDERSHOT - decent avail Sun - BRIGHTON - 24 tix left <visit Live Nation>