England my England

In which Benedict Cumberbatch opens a spatial port dressed as a duck and singing Yes! We have no Bananas

That's THOMAS TUCHEL (anag of *almost etc huh). After 60 years of deep England WC scepticism even I allowed myself to think we had half a chance this time...

"Almost" etc...huh? Unfortunately another failure (6,6)

There are guys dressed as Knights Templar looking embarrassed. Weird.

Toney on to clump one of the Argentinians when it kicks off at the final whistle

DJED SPED

Hydration break…

Harry Kane there, cutting out Gabriel Clarke's heart with an eggspoon

*in history* Chortle

Four months ago.

Gove: I need some media advice about what to say regarding this COVID PPE fiasco. Media counsel: Mate, just wing it...say it was an honest mistake, put on your stern face, say you'll learn lessons, move on, usual bollocks. Gove: Cushtie, cheers.

Sample clue from my puzzle on the back page of today's Telegraph: Bitter drink affected Mario's guts (7)

Mate...we shat all over the place, right? (6,5)

Cucurella: irritating twat but decent at football

Ducking useless then

France might as well bring Houé and Loué on too #FRAESP

Is there a reason behind Rodri wearing Spode-sized bags? #FRAESP

Can the French celebrate today? (8) #cryptic #crossword #clue cc: @mesnilman.bsky.social www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...

This moment asked so little from them. All they had to do was pay their respects, express their sadness and join the chorus of horror about the manner of Widdecombe’s death. But even that was evidently beyond their moral capacity inews.co.uk/opinion/fara...

Knowing how it could change the lives of canines everywhere, the dog scientists struggled diligently to understand the Doorknob Principle.

I set today's Featured puzzle which includes a clue which may or may not have been inspired by @crackingthecryptic.bsky.social 👀 Beef with Minute Cryptic clues (6) www.mycrossword.co.uk/featured/15

Bollocks-o-meter reading: 11

Binface has already sorted out Croatia

Djed Sped

We‘re one executive order away from a chocolate fountain.

Very pleased to be making my debut as Garson in the Guardian today 😊 www.theguardian.com/crosswords/q...

Just landed in the section of Beelzebub's colon aka Heathrow Airport and the urinal has a little insert called "Whiff-Away". Am now singing this in the style of Karl Denver.

Nearly half time. Think I'll put De Ketelaere on and get De Bruyne. #SPABEL

Just read in The G that Posh George's ma dated Prince Charles, as he was then. Tricky bugger to pin down, this Establishment thingy

Bear snarled with fury for four weeks or more (8) Part of my cryptic crossword for the FT today. Solve it at ft.com/crosswordapp or print it out at ft.com/crossword

That was rather Crappé #FRAMOR

I set today’s Daily Telegraph crossword www.telegraph.co.uk/puzzles/inde... Might Shearer get the sack for this? (6) A little silly, me rejoicing over Corbyn? (6)

Farage: "I'm, sadly, legitimate target for mockery" (4,4)

The dating app that brought together Elon Musk and Rupert Lowe got it bang on

shit, guys, the americans have noticed. everyone act normal.

this is fine giftarticle.ft.com/giftarticle/...

Been learning to do cryptic crossword clues lately, and Google AI has been a really big help 👍

A spoonerism bumbles into a star

Sample clue from my puzzle on the back page of today's Telegraph: Rolls here for refreshment? (3-4)

Three wealthy, well-connected ex-public schoolboys (Farage, Zia & Tice) + a journeyman gob for hire (Anderson) are relying on the voters of Clacton to support their assertion that a vote for Reform is (another) win for "the little people". Interesting. Might work again, you never know these days.

Vote Nige and win 1 FartCoin, a BluRay of Melania The Movie and a photocopy of a signed pic of Don posting a Truth Social while perched on The Golden Cludgie #Clacton

Game on, Nige.

The Egyptian lads look stunned. They're in complete de Nile.

That's CLACTON-ON-SEA (an anagram of *NATO conceals). Is the definition a bit harsh? Let's see...

Farage, N: we haven't seen all the benefits of Brexit yet Trotter, D: this time next year Rodney my son, we'll be millionaires

Farage by-election: what a complete and utter stunt

NATO conceals manouevres in area of dense population (7-2-3) #Farage

whoooooops (5,6) thanks to @jimblower.bsky.social !