introduce yourself with four spaceships

dick van dyke is flashing red and his animation speed has changed

[To the tune of 'Wouldn't It Be Nice' by The Beach Boys] 🎵Wouldn't it be nice 🎵To eat a Minion 🎵Holding up a towel to hide from god 🎵And wouldn't it be nice 🎵Though quite forbidden 🎵Savouring the yellow flesh of Bob

*Sarek voice* My wife

Sterilizing the last stick my dog brought home from her last walk so I can keep it inside

They should arrest Dracula

smurf removal service near me humane smurf traps go away smurfs i hate them sso much inhumane smurf traps smurf pesticides

(floating 6 inches off ground in lotus position, holding up 2 fingers) sync onedrive to desktop

microsoft product (begging, pleading): save this document to my documents? me: save to desktop microsoft (twitching, shaking) this jpeg. save to pictures? me: save to desktop microsoft (weeping, throwing up): this email attachment... downloads? me: desktop

Sext

All the babes at this party love to talk about The Sopranos

No one knows what a decentralized protocol is. It sounds like something Tom Cruise and the IMF is worried will end the world. But you know what's not an impossible mission. Banning the account of the pilot fish for the gross breaking wave of transphobia washing over earth

No one gives a shit what a decentralized protocol is. Nor does anyone care. Something people do care about is Josef Goebbels having an account on a social media site.

AI actress Tilly Norwood found dead in Cyber Miami

You're finally awake! That was a pretty big bump of ket you did. What? X? The Department of Government Efficiency? What are you talking about? Get up, we're about to land on Little Saint James

Aahhhh Canadian Club, you truly are the least amount of money by volume in the whiskey section

cardi b (cardassian boy)

oops I forgot it’s time to smoke the weed

I think it says a lot about that insane AI podcast startup that by far the best content in their audio library is the sound of a chimp laughing and the sound of somebody farting, and neither of those are AI.

A new hand touches the beacon

✨⭐️🌙 @nicolenu.bsky.social

Everyone is always trying to get me to say goodbye to bulky wallets. To them I have this to say: I will never say that, you bastards!

"if you know you know" is very offensive to someone like me, who doesn't know anything

The last time I went to a lake house for vacation we rented a bunch of 7 day rental VHS' from Blockbuster

[any random space bullshit happens] Hari Seldon: aha, my plan

The cool thing about beating everything in DRG survivor except the really hard masteries is that instead of having fun I get to be super mad

if you put bill maher content on my timeline you owe me a personal apology

I-eurghhh-I slept on my arm weird... go on without me...

SCROOGE (Walton Goggins) (VO): It had been seven years Old Marley had been dead. Unless this is known, nothing fantastic can be understood MARLEY (Danny McBride) flings open BEDROOM DOOR: Hey Scrooge what's up you sassy son of a bitch. Who decorated this place Jack the Ripper

peggle nude mod

A lot of you could stand to do some more VLOOKUPS (to the Lord) in your spreadsheets and less VHOOKUPS in your spread sheets. #TheExcelPastor

the only place i want “discover feed” is in my trough!!

I love too go to the movies

This whips ass??? This fucks??

Sometimes when your uncle dies you get some of their scotch a few months later

Oh youre jacking off to the sabrina carpenter sexy dog pic? Boring. Ill instead be jacking off to the album covers of Schubert , and Strauss

putting on kevin macleod in the background of your sex tape to avoid a copyright strike

describing a 38-year-old as "precocious"

trans people are real and bathrooms and sports are made up. if you act like that's the other way around i do not have to hear your argument because it is based on a false premise

elon musk has tragically died after trying to do the knife thing from the movie Aliens and cutting off several of his fingers

HELLO D a n It is me your Agentic AI assistant R a c h e l D o l e z a l. Here are the Restaurant Reservations you asked for. I never deceived anyone