Wednesday

Remembering the time me and my brother were making my mum laugh while she was on the phone trying to order a microphone from the Maplin catalogue. She must’ve been on hold for 40 minutes when she finally got through, but had the giggles so bad that all she could manage was “MICROPHONE” and hung up.

A shit in the hand is worth two in the tush.

I’m doing this today, lads, and hate myself and want to die x

Oh babe, your white male privilege is showing.

Virginia Giuffre died aged 42.

*snortlaugh* www.instagram.com/reel/DU-8uox...

Paul Mescal was texting me, sorry guys x

Black folks have a right to go into public spaces and not have slurs hurled at them. Two things can be true. You can be empathetic to this person and their Tourette’s, but also be empathetic to Michael B Jordan, and Delroy Lindo.

ACAB Bring down the stinking lot of them

Is that meant to resemble the Grim Reaper with his scythe because if so, bravo.

Why do they keep telling us Andrew was the Queen’s favourite son? Is that some kind of weird royal kink? What kind of mother would (admit to) have a favourite child?

No cheating: your last saved picture of a celebrity is your therapist.

If you see this post a monster

What does ADHD look like? Sometimes this. 😍 youtu.be/9NvA_nnw9gY

I meme, they just keep on coming, don’t they

I met Jay Lycurgo tonight. I told him how I keep *BEGGING* y’all to watch Steve (Netflix). We had a hug. I adore him. Please watch Steve.

Charlie’s just thrown him under the bus.

The worst thing about being arrested on your birthday is it rules out the possibility of getting a cake with a file in it for another 364 days.

Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's arrest is also a seminal moment for the British monarchy. He was still a prince until October 2025. How can it justify having turned such a blind eye? It can't.

Andrew uses his one phone call to call Babestation.

Do we get a bank holiday when the banter is just too overwhelming?

oh to be the person behind the counter at the cop shop who gets to say 'can you confirm your date of birth? oh it's today. happy birthday' what a treat

Ok I have far too much to do today to spend more than 2 minutes on this but here’s my political cartoon of the day, please enjoy

"What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Pizza Express meal?"

I want unredacted photographs

take a shot every time you hear the words "just glad the queen isn't here to see this"

OFF WITH HIS COCK!

While this is obviously welcome news, we could have just, you know, believed a thousand women

Shoppers who don’t shop at Tesco will be left behind, says Tesco’s John Tesco

The teen auditioned for National Youth Theatre today – but that’s not the big news, oh no. She got to hang out with Holly from Stranger Things.

“Crimes against humanity” YES, UN. Feeling quite emosh about this, lads, it feels like a moment. Girls *do* have human rights.

Sounds like the Epstein class won’t be traveling internationally soon

These two women are suing Andrew Tate, alleging he raped them. Here they visit the social media companies that created Tate. Please share. *one voice altered to disguise identity

Think I might do feminist lent and give up people pleasing

I’m sorry, but if we hold everyone in the Epstein files accountable for their involvement and punish each one for their crimes to the fullest extent, we will begin to collapse a long-standing system that has only given power to elitist excrement and I don’t see a motherfucking problem with this

Rest in peace x www.instagram.com/reel/DUyWHhQ...

Listening to a certain male comedian’s podcast, interviewing a comedy writer. I want to hear what she has to say but he’s a selfish interviewer, subtly putting her down and making it all about him. And this isn’t the first time, it’s his whole style. 🤮

Is that it with the Epstein files then? Justice is dead, new news cycle, roll over?

The work wife’s texting from some fancy event she’s at with my fiancé Gary Lineker

Wuthering Heights has had my whole heart since I fell in love with the book at 14. I also quite enjoyed Emerald Fennell’s frivolous, fantastical romp. True fans know no movie can ever come close.

Breaking news: The UK government’s contentious ban on Palestine Action under anti-terror laws has been ruled unlawful in a landmark legal victory for civil liberties campaigners. ft.trib.al/V0bk3dr

She 6-7nd too hard, invoked Vecna, and now we have a full power cut.