Spoiler: you'll never even know a billionaire, let alone be one

And you said he wasn't passionate about anything

Probably a coincidence, but it seems like infectious diseases are thriving under this administration that doesn't believe in infectious diseases.

Just to be clear, the byline is a bunch of current SSA executives hired by the Trump Administration. For some reason, a news outlet gave them some free space to jerk each other off in public.

GUEST COMMENTARY: Big Tobacco Execs Are Doing the Lord's Work and Smoking Gets You Laid - By Big Tobacco Execs

"Elon Musk is doing fascism the right way" -- Ezra Klein

It's great the Russ "Federal Employees Should Live in Trauma" Vought's OPM wants our help making their job easier. Normally we're all doing the Fed employee satisfaction survery around this time, but they scrapped that this year because fuck our feelings, but we should help him do his job.

🚨Emergency Update 🚨 @theonion.com

Here ya go

And if you want to see these people investigated and held accountable, start by signing this petition. We need to build mass power to make it clear that if Democrats take the House, they must #InvestigateDOGE actionnetwork.org/petitions/el...

Here's what's really troubling about this, regardless of whether you think releasing the report would be worthwhile or not: Ken Martin's whole point seems to be that there were a lot of lessons to be learned from the autopsy, but releasing it would create circular fire squads. 🧵

Mussolini was killed on April 28, 1945. "A fitting end to a wretched life,” the NYT declared. "The man who once boasted that he was going to restore the glories of ancient Rome is now a corpse in a public square in Milan, with a howling mob cursing and kicking and spitting on his remains.”

The house just cannot seem to do its job. You know what else is included in that bill to fund #FEMA, TSA, and Coast Guard? A $26 billion replenishment of the disaster relief fund. What exactly is the disaster relief fund? I’m glad you asked. 🧵🧵🧵 www.washingtonpost.com/politics/202...

Every day I have to walk past this picture in our office lobby, and I just can't understand why he would think it's flattering. He looks like he's in a coin operated fortune teller machine with bad acid reflux.

It's funny, I didn't really care that much about the autopsy until I'd listened to this interview.

Has anyone ever been fooled by AI and had any other reaction than disappointment? That kind of sums up AI's value.

Internet, please make a Weekend at Bernie's 3 poster out of this without using AI. Thanks.

it is important to emphasize that this was *the point*. this was *intentional*. elon musk is a vicious white supremacist who thinks poor african children ought to die, so that the world can be whiter

it’s so cool how most LA politicians wake up in the morning and are like “how can I make it harder to build housing today” Our only hope to make LA a well-run, pro-housing city is electing Nithya Raman as mayor

the only thing worse than winning a hot dog eating contest is losing a hot dog eating contest. imagine eating 87 hot dogs for nothing.

Heads up, SSA employees! Word on the streets is that Frankie, in his infinite wisdom, has decided that MCS will be decommissioned on 10/1/26 and officially and fully replaced with the 10th level of hell that is CCE 😬😬😬 I wish I were joking but I’m really fucking not. Happy Federal Fuckery Friday 😒😒😒

BREAKING: In just the 16 months since Trump was reelected, the collective fortune of billionaires has grown by $1.96 trillion. More than half of that growth comes from just the top 15 billionaires, who alone grew their collective wealth by over $1 trillion.

ORBÁN HAS CONCEDED 60% in

"Here's your pizza! It *doesn't* have dirt in it." Not sure I trust this new pizza shop, even though it is conveniently located in my living room, and I really should support a business run by my 4yo.

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah I’m not doing that

If you want the GOP to care about sexual harassment and assault in their ranks then you must also care about it when one of your own gets accused too. Fairness and accountability, not hypocrisy. Let partisanship in politics not revictimize victims. You’re showing us you’re not safe to talk to.

The most irrelevant post I've ever made: John Carpenter made my favorite movies, but trying to make Tom Atkins a leading man was never going to work.

Anyone here in Gottenheimer's district? Just heard heard him on the Bulwark, and it was the most embarrassing performance I've ever heard from a "democrat". Primary that moron, please.

This is for merely laughing at thin skinned Trump on TikTok

NEW: Trump officials give bigger pay hike to Medicare Advantage plans. That's due in *large part* to scrapping an updated risk adjustment model that would have used more recent data for people's diagnoses. Huge win for the health insurance industry. www.statnews.com/2026/04/06/m...

Does Pennsylvania let you recall a Senator?

It can be so disappointing sometimes to realise you’ve just read a metaphor.

🔥 I LOVE Jameela Jamil for giving this devastating critique of liberals - from her view as a fellow liberal. 🤍

Operation Epic Fury has been a complete and total success. In four short weeks, we killed their entire leadership, destroyed their navy, and totally obliterated 168 schoolgirls. Nobody thought we could take out that many schoolgirls at once." michaelianblack.substack.com/p/transcript...

Only note here: I think the NYT might have missed that this could be an homage to January 6, since some pardoned visitors would be undoubtedly familiar with breaking and entering governmental buildings through the windows.

I'd support the next Dem president signing an EO that no federal agency or contractor can have any employees who were ever appointed by Trump, either as an official or a "Special government employee". Extend that to ICE and CBP hires too.

John Fetterman’s a disgrace to the oaf community. He does not represent America’s lumbering buffoons, ham-fisted galoots, or men whose heavy footsteps are soundtracked by a tuba.

It's kind of like being the henchmen of a Bond villain. There's gotta be a deep regret when you hear the self-destruct-in-thirty-seconds voice come over the loud speakers while your boss shoots away in a rocket you built for him.

Trump is looking at his Iran war like he looked at Marla four years in.

Fuck — and I cannot stress this enough — off.

When Trump was elected, I decided my fallback was wandering the country with my dog, solving the issues of local tribal leaders with ancient civil service wisdom. Every week, a new problem to solve, and maybe a new guest star.

This is the kind of shit someone who's never touched a gas pump or cleaned a toilet comes up with. Lifelong coddling by ultra-privilige is a recipe for uselessness, not leadership.

Yeah, but what's up with that bump during Biden's lameduck period? Is that pity approval? Maybe there is hope for Americans after all.

What are the odds that Trump accepted a gold bust of himself with a giant fucking camera lens sticking out of one of the eyes?

WWIII is going to start because dozens of beautiful Persian sofas will turn up pregnant next month.

This is beside the point, but ICE dress like they're in the militant wing of the Radical Dork Party.

This aligns with how Bisignano has run the agency. He very obviously believes that 800 number wait times are all that matter, and reducing them would equal "winning", even if it means fuckery with the numbers and causing claims to go unprocessed because everyone with a pulse is on the phones.

I'm starting to think the Trump family might be profiting off the presidency

Vought just got a new article for his spank bank