Before y'all blow up my DMs, this pigeon was a racist.

i like to think jolene has no idea who this woman and her husband are

folks we've found the president's bsky alt

...that's right

I need to have a white iced persian with nuts about once per month

airdrop yourself into a different state you fucking discount muppet

our new toilet paper turns wiping into something more than just an item on your to-do list

The poop phone

[getting fired on my first day working for 988]:

when your ass is all up in the Jaeger

charlie brown absolutely had hoes. what charlie brown did not have was any godly idea how he ended up with hoes

Oh no, DON'T TAKE AWAY OUR TSA

NYTimes does an entire article about this image without mentioning that the central grenade-launcher guy has made the strategic error of blowing out the crotch of his pants, allowing the Minnesota winter a direct point of tactical ingress to his penis and testicles.

Man there's nothing useful I can add but hearing Dan McQuade on a podcast not that long ago and how good he sounded in spite of everything he was going through, and then seeing the timeline now... fuck

I know my boy @sighfieri.bsky.social will disagree, but uh, Brand New

ant: do you ever wonder what lies beyond the colony? we serve a thankless queen, beholden to her whims and yet in return receive nothing but more toil. yoda ant: know i do not. little guy i found, under a leaf i did hmmmmm bovino: ᵤₚₚᵢₑₛ!

I can't be the only one who read this headline and was disappointed by it, due to some ambiguity about who the subject of the sentence was

something that did not *click* with me until just now, and that I think I'm going to have really ponder now that it's occurred to me, is just how much I distrusted or felt uncomfortable with communal activities with any significant number of guys for most of my life

I am going to call Sam Darnold "Rusty" from now on. If he did not want that nickname, he should simply not look like a fella named Rusty from the PNW. You could put him in Forks, in Twilight background scenes. Rusty runs the town pharmacy, a lot of hemophiliacs around here, he thinks

in these troubled times, you have to take the wins where you can find them. for example, the bitter cold of late makes it extremely unlikely that my dog is eating her turds before I've had a chance to clean them up

[guy who ignorantly used some problematic language as a teenager in the early 2000s but has generally had his heart in the right place] oh NOW it's okay to use the F-word agai- OH not that one, got it

INSIDE RINGO STARR'S NOTEBOOK rimgo

INSIDE PAUL MCCARTNEY'S NOTEBOOK C G Nurse Nancy's feeling fancy dancy Am F At jamborees with Brother Jim * INSIDE JOHN LENNON'S NOTEBOOK To Do: ☑️ look up more slurs for wife

JERRY GARCIA: god dammit

oh my god I think we have to contend with the very real possibility of Deadspin commenter JD Vance having been "Next stop, Starville!"-ed

I have heroically* and successfully rescued** the remainder*** of the leftover chicken tortilla casserole for my lunch**** *well it's true **By eating a lot of it ***okay basically all of it except for a 3x3 inch square my wife had for lunch as well ****As in multiple servings between 11:45-1:35

[norm macdonald voice] bored of peas, if you ask me

good news everyone: 365 is FUCKED at the moment

She's All That With Big Naturals

Dude, Where's My Car With Big Naturals?

It's so fucked up that the SNL guy isn't doing the Trump voice anymore and is pretending to be a British scold instead. really a huge loss of a fastball there (that's a baseball term for you cricket dweebs)

IN THIS HOUSE WE: RECEIVE HELP DESK TICKETS WHERE THE ISSUE IS "MY MONITOR CLARITY VARIES DAY TO DAY" AND BLURRY PHOTOS FROM A CELL PHONE AND ALSO SCREENSHOTS ARE ATTACHED AND NEITHER OF THESE THINGS ILLUSTRATE THE APPARENT ISSUE BUT IT WOULD BE RUDE OF ME TO SAY "BRO GET YOUR GLASSES CHECKED"

this man is selling himself short and I won't stand for it. He also deserves our trust due to his lengthy sandwich advocacy

LOAD-BEARING CARSON BECK

JESUS CHRIST MENDOZA

@jr1a1.bsky.social you are not a real person. you do not exist

you didn't write that tweet first. my friend @samesadecho.bsky.social did and it was about making fun of his very normal sideburns. you're a liar and a content thief

well you asked for it

well let's just wait to hear what the pope has to say about this big unnatural rack

Every few months I am perplexed and astonished to see a contemporary model of a Mitsubishi motor vehicle. Kind of a "oh hey, huh, good for them"

Asking my prescribing shrink to up my antidepressant dosage "due to internal bleeding to the torso, where the feelings are stored"

honestly this really would make him the GOAT WR, no question

The increasingly common habit of screenshotting the AI summary of a Google search and presenting it as evidence must be nipped in the bud immediately. That is nothing. That is not anything, it is not a thing.

[panicking, trying to remember that my official cover profession is as a florist but not wanting my neighbor to think I'm some kind of huge dork] uhhhhh I'm, uh, a botanist

the dog is taking dumps too close to the house. feels like a power play

Fart afield lol