I can smell you've got a Day Old Roast Ham Dinner in your inventory. Takes up 6 tiles. Which explains why you don't have your trousers equipped today.

Did not go in the house but I did go in the house

Just explaining to my kid that the D in Sunny D stands for diarrhea.

I'll be in the van if you need me. www.reddit.com/r/oldschoolf...

Well, that new Mortal Kombat movie rules. It’s got realms and amulets, Baraka, sharp hat — truly something for everyone!

Hey Google, play Vampire Car, by Robert Corpse.

Slightly Increase A Band R. E. N.

Star Wars a classic novel All Qui-Gon on the Western Front Mobi-Wan Dick Jane Eyre2D2 The Old Man and the C3P0 Midicholrianddlemarch Stranger in a Strange Lando

One ocean is salt water and the other one is pepper water.

Donald McRonald.

One thing I didn’t realize about aging is that at a certain point, they replace your body with a fucked-up old man body.

No, I will not join the Discord server.

top three skeletons that look wild as hell: 3: centaur 2: spider if it had one 1: motorcycle honorable mention: traffic cone

It's said there's a secret entrance to the palace through the sewers. There isn't one, but it's said there is. A lot of people have drowned in sewage looking for it.

The only way to make a good one now is to not have any of the characters from the main series in it.

As a character in an NES game, I don’t see how you could possibly have more than $2.55 under any circumstances.

Old enough that I get this, young enough that it’s because of Kingdom of Loathing

You’re telling me a chef made this salad?

If it’s “Bowser” with an S Then he’s Mario’s nemesis If it’s “Bowzer” with a Z Then from Sha Na Na he be

Every day is Free Comic Day if you put a couple of points in Stealth.

It’d be a great time to go to your podcast provider of choice and subscribe to Superego. Stay frosty.

videogames are an irreplaceable art form in which a person can experience the unique sensation of shooting things

Cooking Tips for Beginners: Heat can be a powerful ally. More mouths = More ingredients. Remember where you licked. Seasoning is the spice of food. Every meal could be your last.

Name your top 15 TV shows ever, gut instincts only Deadwood Parks and Rec Scrubs Night Court The Simpsons Carnivale Beavis and Butthead 30 Rock The Golden Girls Six Feet Under SNL Star Trek TNG Buffy Peep Show Jeopardy

Sluice box muckin’ starts today.

New for your May Day: I wrote a song about when IT happens. frontalot.bandcamp.com/track/common... And there's a playable RPG music video for it. frontalot.com/loot

This is the opposite of the pep talk I give myself in the mirror every morning: tech.slashdot.org/story/26/04/...

This really resonated with me. www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/20...

I don't know anything about wizard marketing, so I'm not sure if this is good orb ad.

Ah fuck, I brought a sword to this penfight.

Richard Pills, American circus performer and gunslinger (1860-1944). Better known by his nickname, “Gas Station” Dick Pills.

you come across two doors guarded by two brothers. one brother always lies and the other one lies also. they are the Awful Brothers

I'd like to see a controlled experiment where one guy on DMT tells one of his machine elves a 5-digit number and then a different guy in a different laboratory asks one of HIS elves to repeat it.

Finally, a restaurant with a good name. kolrestaurant.com

Crab Rangoon cave.

Q: What is a mormon banker's favorite cheese A: Provo Loan

i'll read any article of any length. i'll read any book. but i will not watch a youtube explainer or monologue that is longer than three minutes. write it down buddy

The existence of Gary Oldman and Gary Newman implies that there must also be an actor named Danny Dwarfman.

The only true First Person Shooter is one in which you play as Adam.

1701 PRINT "HELLO COMPUTER" Interfacing with a scifi future in 1976, with computer and Trek geekery joining forces to explore computer space. But first, you'll have to type in three pages of dense code - and hope it was printed correctly to begin with.

she hobbs on my shaw until I furious (way too fast)

I don't get why people criticize LLMs for being sycophantic. If you want somebody to tell you "this sucks and you're an idiot" you can just use the regular Internet.

Top Deathbed Regrets 3. Failed saving throw vs. pneumonia 2. Didn't assign any skill points until late in life 1. Stayed home in bed instead of attending that one-day healing magic course

When I was sixteen a naval recruiter asked me whether I fancied myself a "strong lad"? I told him I didn't fancy myself at all, only person I fancied was Molly from two farms over, but she never even looked at me on account of me father's sheep thieving. Navy man nodded and left.

Pretty good haunch IMO.

Just finished ALIEN and man. You couldn’t make this movie now. Most of the cast is dead

My scanner at work has decided that about 75% of the time what I want is an image composed entirely of black pixels. I never should've told it about Philip K. Dick.

You equip the snake. You swing your snake at the bard. The bard is poisoned!