The American Jerk
@theamericanjerk.bsky.social
๐ค 270
๐ฅ 245
๐ 301
I'm not answering any Goddamned questions without my lawyer here.
Watching Welcome to Derry, and I repeat, for the record: a statistically significant percentage of Stephen King's classic novels are superhero stories. - Carrie: Marvel Girl. - Danny Torrance, Dick Hallorann, Johnny Smith: Professor X. - Charlie McGee: Phoenix - Arnie Cunningham: Ghost Rider
27 minutes ago
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Every time an episode of Fallout cuts to a spot break fade, I am disgusted, because it reminds that it is because Amazon Prime now has spot breaks. Unless you pay them extra. Or, you know, pirate Amazon's shit. For nothing.
1 day ago
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Congrats! Who's the father?
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2 days ago
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The American Jerk
Premee Mohamed
2 days ago
Hi we're abstaining because it sucks ass, hope that helps
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In a best case scenario, it should always have been "Domestic Security."
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4 days ago
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"I hate the fuckin' Red Hot Chili Peppers, man!" - The Gen X Dude
4 days ago
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The American Jerk
Stephanie Kollmann
5 days ago
[Sitting around cozy, looking at a journal article on my phone, just thinkin bout stuff] Popup notification: *Bill Hicks mocking voice* ooooo ๐ looks like we've got ourselves a READER
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After bargaining for shit tickets like a Soviet prole during the pandemic, fuck you, it's worth the risk.
add a skeleton here at some point
5 days ago
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The American Jerk
Robert McNees
6 days ago
You have to block them immediately. The full nuclear. They are only here to make folks angry, and that canโt happen if we lock them out.
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I didn't want to be a bother, but if someone could please get me a deck of Marlboros before I freak out or do a murder, I'd sure appreciate it.
6 days ago
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The American Jerk
Blue Heron Farm
6 days ago
Lotta people sharing CBS today like it's a reliable news source
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The American Jerk
jamelle
7 days ago
the question to ask about this is, okay, he wants to cancel the midterms. how does he get the VA state board of elections to cancel the midterms? how does he get the georgia board of elections to do it? how does he convince republican house members to quit their jobs and give up their paychecks?
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The American Jerk
Andrew McGrae
7 days ago
Cyanide teeth need to be made stronger. Retweet if you agree.
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The American Jerk
Gail Simone
9 days ago
Just a reminder that there are a ton of lovely, fantastic cartoonists out there working today who are in no way awful.
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The American Jerk
Luke Steuber
10 days ago
mood
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Airborne Putrid Event
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13 days ago
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"Pimp." From the credits to The Taking of Pelham 123 on the Saturday afternoon movie on WXXA in Albany, before they became a Fox / Clear Channel drone.
add a skeleton here at some point
13 days ago
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The American Jerk
Citizen Shane
13 days ago
I can't believe J.D. Vance went on TV and said "Ich bin Evil! Ich bin Evil!!! Ich bin der Evil kleine Chocolate Boy!!" with chocolate smeared all over his mouth and lederhosen. But he did. And we all saw it
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Only good news today.
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15 days ago
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V for Vendetta.
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21 days ago
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The American Jerk
Mr. Cait
21 days ago
The energy Iโm bringing into the new year
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The American Jerk
๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
24 days ago
Time to start on my New Yearโs retributions.
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The American Jerk
Mr. Cait
22 days ago
I wish you all courage in the new year. Courage above all else. And revenge.
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The American Jerk
Kameron Hurley
22 days ago
This was a good year. All I had to do was turn off the Internet.
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The American Jerk
picking olives ๐๏ธ
22 days ago
happy nye
@effinbirds.com
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The American Jerk
Luke Steuber
24 days ago
So what Iโm reading here is that it costs at least $150 for me to get the kind of experience I would enjoy
loading . . .
Tesla will charge you $150 for puking or smoking in its robotaxis, report says
There's a $50 fee for more "moderate" messes left behind.
https://mashable.com/article/tesla-robotaxi-cleaning-fees-for-mess
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Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't Nirvana, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam or Alice in Chains.
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26 days ago
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You're Goddamned right.
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27 days ago
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The American Jerk
Effin' Birds
28 days ago
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@scoop-adw.bsky.social
Found the other pita-crazed cat.
add a skeleton here at some point
28 days ago
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The American Jerk
priscilla page
29 days ago
my people
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The American Jerk
Solomon
29 days ago
Malรถrt
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The American Jerk
Chronic Illness Humor
30 days ago
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There are seven working defenses from this position. Three of them disarm with minimal contact. Three of them kill. The other โ hurts Tiny Tim, who did NOT die
29 days ago
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The American Jerk
Woodrow Peel ๐๐
about 1 month ago
"The stockings were hung by the chimney in all possible directions, like with no care at all. Some of them are on the floor ffs. It's like a laundry basket was hurled at the goddam fireplace...and oh...fantastic...now here comes St Nicholas."
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The American Jerk
Patrick Monahan
about 1 month ago
And to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die. He was unable to. He still walks among us, cursed to remember in a world where everyone has forgotten. Heโs out there now, just beyond the light your lantern throws,
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Eephus was a killer indie flick this past year. If you like baseball, or New England, even a little bit, it's on Blu, hunt it up.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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The American Jerk
Salty MacTavish
about 1 month ago
Iโm still trick-or-treating. The people have run out of candy. One lady gave me the keys to her Buick. Another guy hit me with a broom
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Your parents refusing to allow you to turn off the motion smoothing on their TV should automatically trigger a mental health care proxy in your favor
about 1 month ago
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The American Jerk
new display name of some kind
about 1 month ago
i get why โjumping the sharkโ has come to have its present meaning but it doesnโt make historical sense to me. if i were a Happy Days fan and saw the Fonz waterski over a shark at that time i would have felt weโd just won the Cold War
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The American Jerk
Guy (aka glecharles)
about 1 month ago
EOY Mood, via
@effinbirds.com
.
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The American Jerk
Catbus
about 1 month ago
๐ก๏ธ
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If your first child requires a large, bright iPad to stop them from shrieking, and your second is on just their second week of solid food, why the FUCK are they, and YOU, sitting next to me in this bar?
about 1 month ago
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The American Jerk
Pookleblinky
about 1 month ago
Sam Altman: hey I made a machine that stole literally all your stuff in order to make CSAM of your child actors, sometimes it encourages people to kill themselves Disney: Holy shit here's a billion dollars Altman: the machine loses more than that each week but thank you. Soon it will become god.
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about 1 month ago
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I am literally, as I am writing this, blowing away a perfectly good Windows 11 install on a laptop in favor of Linux Mint to avoid any of that that AI shit.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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I receive a tremendous amount of joy from following the adventures of the
#Plundercats
.
about 2 months ago
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Weird to remember that I used to get into literal screaming matches with my college roommates over whose turn it was to buy the milk when now, 30 years later, I only buy milk to make White Russians, which is only when I'm watching Lebowski, which isn't often.
about 2 months ago
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