Stoned cold fox
@roastmalone.bsky.social
📤 12680
📥 520
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no milk will ever be our milk roastmalone_ on twitter
maybe 6 was afraid of 7 because he knew one day their combined powers would be used for evil
about 20 hours ago
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I thought being the kind of person who can’t relax until my house is clean would mean my place was always really tidy but all it actually means is I’m extra stressed in my slightly cluttered home
3 days ago
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I forgot that reply guys here are somehow so much worse than twitter
5 days ago
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breaking up with my true love on the 13th day of Christmas because their place has a really weird bird smell
7 days ago
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so these thieves, just how thick are we talking?
8 days ago
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I so badly want to feel morally superior to the Starbucks bearista cup collectors but as a child who lived through the beanie babies as happy meal toys craze my hands are not without blood
11 days ago
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they just aren’t out here naming babies Ebenezer like they used to
13 days ago
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reposted by
Stoned cold fox
Ben Rosen
26 days ago
drake turning off the game as it gets to 18
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I’ve never felt more like her
26 days ago
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reposted by
Stoned cold fox
Bugs, Beleaguered Babysitter of the Booger Brothers
26 days ago
none of this would have happened if we let them do hella steroids is all i'm saying
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I am now rooting for whichever team lets me go to bed
26 days ago
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no offence but 15 innings kind of feels like you’re just doing it for attention now
26 days ago
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Cork the bats Barry Bonds
add a skeleton here at some point
28 days ago
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sometimes I can’t believe that breathing in fresh air with these stupid lungs, looking at pretty trees with my dumbs eyes, and walking around on these idiot feet is the key to happiness
28 days ago
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the problem with how much I commit to the bit is one day I’ll probably do something stupid like get my cpa so I can be the thot that counts
29 days ago
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If I killed off my Twitter self does that mean I died in real life
29 days ago
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reposted by
Stoned cold fox
josh (oldfriend99)
6 months ago
I'm here now
add a skeleton here at some point
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the amount of people I know rooting for the eagles simply because they don’t want the chiefs to win is a beautiful thing. hate conquers all ♥️🦅
10 months ago
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shout out to pseudo dive bars with overpriced cocktails you’re single handedly keeping the neon sign industry alive
10 months ago
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Oh you can bet your ass I’m assembling a turtle army to take down this twat
10 months ago
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Went from I think you should leave to I think you should be old yellered real quick
add a skeleton here at some point
10 months ago
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I got a kindle to spend less money on books but instead I’m reading more books than ever my plan has backfired spectacularly
10 months ago
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If middle child energy was a photo
10 months ago
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This whole tarrif tit for tat is kinda like that part in love actually where the prime minister stands up to the president for hitting on his girl except for the fact that while Hugh Grant could play Trudeau, no one would ever believe Billy Bob Thornton as Trump
10 months ago
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if the fortune telling rodent doesn’t see his shadow next week my mental health may never recover
10 months ago
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I don’t know why people are so concerned with movies that didn’t age well. they’re entertainment, not wine
10 months ago
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I love starting a sentence with not to be a hater and then finishing the sentence with something only a hater would say
10 months ago
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if billionaire super villains are real can we also get some balance in the universe and have something cool like mermaids be real too
10 months ago
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love living in a time where every headline reads like a two sentence horror story
10 months ago
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text your ex, clench your jaw, tense your shoulders. nothing matters, let chaos reign
10 months ago
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reposted by
Stoned cold fox
Smooth Dunk
10 months ago
when u make a silly joke on this platform
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motivational speaker cat: this too shall pspspsps
10 months ago
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reposted by
Stoned cold fox
Kian Razi
10 months ago
I think it's akin to when a favorite character "dies" in a movie, and the next season opens with a random wormhole or time warp that brings the "dead" character back because the filmmakers need a sequel for more merch sales.
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the TikTok ban reminds me of that one friend who dramatically and abruptly leaves the group chat then awkwardly has ask to be re added once they’ve calmed down
10 months ago
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seeing people have their hearts broken when their team is knocked out of the play offs makes me so happy my team sets the bar low and doesn’t even make them
10 months ago
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tik tok this tik tok that why don’t you tik this as a sign to go tok to your friends
10 months ago
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has anyone checked on Kyle Maclachlan
10 months ago
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hey I had the best time with you last night, unfortunately when I was in third grade I predicted the first initial of my soulmate by twisting the stem off an apple and yours doesn’t match so I just don’t think this is going to go anywhere
10 months ago
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but it’s probably time to wash your water bottle
10 months ago
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not to be pro censorship but if I’m being honest with myself I’d probably ban an app where people were being mean to me if I had the power
10 months ago
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nothing good comes from seeing “hey girl” in your message requests. At best someone’s smelly son is two timing you and at worst someone you haven’t spoken to in five years thinks you’re dumb enough to join the down line of whatever pyramid scheme they’re caught up in
10 months ago
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trying to do a regular Google search and getting an AI overview feels like the robot version of someone annoying going “um actually”
10 months ago
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I’m becoming increasingly convinced that sleep when the baby sleeps is advice given to new parents from generations of parents who were too tired to come up with actually useful advice
11 months ago
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how long do things need to feel dystopian before we have to acknowledge this is just topian now
11 months ago
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I wonder what people with fuck Trudeau car stickers are going to use as a substitute for a personality now
11 months ago
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maybe I’m not the problem, maybe it’s time for the bagging area to adjust its expectations
11 months ago
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the grinch would be more believable as a cat person
11 months ago
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when they said hark the herald angels sing they were referring to Beyoncés halftime show specifically
11 months ago
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“Simply having a wonderful Christmas time” is exactly what I’d say to my sibling as a signal that our weird cousin just walked in while we were in the middle of talking shit
11 months ago
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does anyone know why the doll is on the island of misfit toys or am I to assume it’s because she’s a ginger
11 months ago
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