Just found out R.L. Stine's The Haunting Hour is on Tubi and I had some ideas for what to do on my birthday but now I just have one REALLY good one

CAN FINALLY START DRESSIN

Spent a lot of time with my friends' new infant over the weekend and referred to her being swaddled as "going Shai Hulud mode"

Report: 83% Of Americans Just Want To Put On Sunglasses And Say ‘Let’s Do This’ https://theonion.com/report-83-of-americans-just-want-to-put-on-sunglasses-1826567879/

Hypnic jerks are basically a baby's entire life

Painstakingly documenting the beers I'm having while in my ancestral homeland

Reaching across the aisle (talking about how much Chuck Schumer sucks with my dad)

Amway...thank you

Every time I get on this website something infinitely dumber has happened in or adjacent to the White House and I shouldn't be staggered anymore BUT HERE WE ARE

I was initially going to wear the Fleabag jumpsuit to Chappell Roan, then I found this is in my closet, tags still on it

Need the newest TikTok exercise trend to be scurrying around like a J-horror monster for cardio purposes

She IS the moment

For the second year in a row, I'm participating in UNRWA's 5K to support the children of Palestine. I'd be forever grateful for any donation you have to offer (and you can look at my race face on my fundraising page)! getinvolved.unrwausa.org/fundraiser/6...

My man David Byrne released a new album this month

Top 4% on Cinematrix today, get in line, boys and girls

靴下を取り合う犬🐶 Masuke won't let go of the socks.

Went to my first grief group meeting yesterday and it was a little draining but very worthwhile and I'm looking forward to participating in this new community

I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT THE STOP MAKING SENSE COVER ALBUM WAS LARGELY A FAILED EXPERIMENT BUT THE NATIONAL'S TAKE ON "HEAVEN" WAS AN INSPIRED CHOICE AND IS IN FACT QUITE STIRRING AND BEAUTIFUL, EVEN IF IT NEVER REACHES THE HEIGHTS OF THE ORIGINAL SONG

I also won't work with ABC until Kimmel is reinstated

Lander does this shit when he's not even running for anything. The realest possible one

more than a decade ago, one Fraction-Aja Hawkeye panel captured the vibe of this entire era we're living in now

あくびする犬🐶 Good Night🖐️

Oh, something bad happened while I was hanging out with Clem? Now your timeline cleanse is a timeline Clem-nse and Christy photo

@philipchristman.bsky.social WELL WELL WELL

Imagine you're me and just found out this is what you look like

Ms Piggy is an important concept for children to be exposed to: an absolute ten who can do anything

Decided to get a walk-in at my favorite tattoo parlor where my favorite shop cat lives, here's Baby Dee

Someone on the sidelines at the race was holding up a sign that said "May your haters be waiters at the table of success" and nothing made me happier the entire time. HHoping I wasn't the only Eric Adams Needs to Be in the Public Consciousness Forever But Not Like This person running yesterday

I would humbly add Bermudan and Scottish (specifically Glaswegian) to this list

Ah, dammit, guess I need a new goal

Bought new running clothes for the 10K because they will make me go faster and yes it is VERY early right now

If you like drinking but would prefer to be distracted from drinking by lights and sounds, may I recommend...pinball bars?

くつろぐ犬🐶 Masuke is relaxing on my lap. TGIF！

all of u

Pritzker's gonna be the only one who says something worthwhile, right?

Oh ho ho I accidentally walked too slowly through my building's elevator and I'm going to have the most dumbass-coded bruise on the planet soon

The news: screaming about something vile Me: Tim looks hot in these promo stills from The Chair Company and no one is talking about it

As always the correct answer is "Three Small Words" in Josie and the Pussycats with or without the brainwashing

Me, taking all the wrong lessons from therapy: GOT THEIR ASSES

It's been 50 days since Trump promised us a domestic cane sugar Coca-Cola.

Thinking about when I got to a screening of Oppenheimer in 70mm IMAX late with no reserved seating. I had to sit in the front row, and this is legit what it looked like lmao.

Wild and crazy Saturday night (sending my loved ones voice memos about the leg lengthening surgery plot thread in The Materialists)

the pharmacist told me he recently started drinking Absolut (I had some in my cart), and I said "oh, what do you drink it with?" but I was wearing a mask and he thought I said "WHO do you drink it with." he gave me a weird look and said "my wife" so now I can never go back to that pharmacy again.

Seeing my beautiful wife Jenny Lewis for the fourth time tonight!!! The rest of Rilo Kiley will be there too, I guess

Bar sound system: plays the Smashing Pumpkins' "Today" Me: hell yeah, love to hear the inside of my brain become diagetic