currently in a disagreement with my pack of oreos over what constitutes a single serving

🎶 the kind you find in a secondhand store

Working a side hustle at my county jail is a great way to see what my old high school classmates are up to these days.

Man Humiliates Himself At Holiday Party By Telling Coworkers He Appreciates Them

Happy Caturday from Obi

My car is getting into the holiday spirit with its annual display of dashboard warning lights.

“work hard play hard,” I say as I click “don’t remind me again” on netflix

“I’d have no problem releasing the video” “I didn’t say that, you said that. Fake news.” 5 days apart 😬 (From @therecount.com )

“This way guys!”

RoboCop: *about to arrest me* Me: before you arrest me, which of these 9 pictures have cars in them RoboCop: i’m going to let you off with a warning

You may remember Jenna, who was pregnant during my #Dateline episode “The Phantom” about her sister Kristil, killed by her stalker. Maybe due to all the stress and emotional pain Jenna went through, her baby just arrived at only 26 weeks —and she needs your help. www.gofundme.com/f/support-fo...

#video #bluesky #animal #animals #animalcommunity #animalsofbluesky #pets #cat #cats #catvideo #catsofbluesky #blueskycats #winter #snow #snowflakes

I just find it hilarious that his whole cabinet is sloberring praise all over him with ridiculous hyperbole and he is falling asleep while they're doing it. You couldn't write comedy better than this. It's better than VEEP.

how the grinch stole two 40s and pack of camels

Florida gotta Florida supercarblondie.com/florida-man-...

Why didn’t Trump order flags to be flown at half staff for National Guard member Sarah Beckstrom like he did for Charlie Kirk? 🤔

friend whose christmas card just arrived: how dare you.

No thanks, Doritos, I prefer my ranch a little nerdy.

are you telling me these socks are made out of ankles

*brings a grilled cheese to a knife fight so someone will cut it into triangles for me*

important safety tip: don’t own a pet that can kill you

moon out there looking like a big toe nail clipping shine yer little heart out, moon

I’m dead 😹🙀😹

A lot of people need to be visited by three ghosts

“we need to be nicer to men” bro they didn’t let women have their own credit cards til 50 years ago

if you have pedialyte in your cart along with alcohol that should count as your ID

Sometimes a girl just needs to make some crab cakes with cajun remoulade.

Well done, Lions

Bummed that the Colts just lost to the most annoying team. Boooooo

Can you guess who just got adopted?

ugh, my dashboard is gas lighting me

Happy #Caturday!

i bid you bidet, sir

My business teacher is such a hack he said the best ladder is the social ladder but then I see him using a steel one to put up his Christmas lights.

The difference between cucumbers and pickles is jarring.

I am asking all men on International Men's Day to smile more

Y’all, it’s Patrick! They found Patrick!

New fidget spinner just dropped.

I hope my made up words don't make you.....discomfortable

I made braised short ribs 🤤

you mean to tell me an egg planted this? truly inspiring

It turns out that anybody can be a greeter at Walmart. You don't even have to work there.