@sarahgailey.bsky.social holy shit SPREAD ME was so fucked up, I LOVED IT.

If you live in California, it's time to call the Haircut. @jortsthecat.bsky.social can we get a boost to pile up messages taller than his bottle of hair gel??

Hehe

Here is the image with alt text

was just at the gas station buying milk for my kids and when I noticed a guy in his early twenties gearing up for the night with two red bulls and a pack of cigs I was briefly caught in a proustian reverie so deep the cashier probably thought I was on drugs

This is the most excellent local headline writing. "DID YOU GIVE WATER TO A BAT NEAR THE ARBORETUM? IT HAD RABIES." (this is explicitly for @andreagrimes.com )

I don't know what Eddy Zitron juices with but some of you writers need his special sauce instead of complaining about Nanowrymo. Dude can lay out one paragraph a minute for 14 hours straight.

Got my performance review.

Atheist folks can and do enjoy doing your mom and they’re still atheist because doing your mom is inherently fake

Idk who needs to hear this but ACAB includes exes

When the Oedipals hit

IT'S ALL SO STUPID

Trump Take Farmhouse Chic Kitchen Reno

commas are a sin

i am curing autism (preserving autism by use of salt)

THIS IS TONIGHT Free, virtual, make a cup of tea and put on your jammies! Be there or be a rectangular thing -- and keep an eye out for our SPECIAL GUEST STAR! (Not me, I'm on the poster.)

Silliness from a few years ago in Edinburgh.

This is literally my life. "Hey you wanna go down and eat 46 acres of sagebrush down by the year round creek? Listen to the birds maybe? Find some tender shoots of grass lightly touched with dew?" "Nah babe let's go eat bark off the backyard fruit trees."

To a great degree we’re dealing with the fallout from a generation of men who got lucky once during a specific moment in tech evolution, made to feel as gods, but are all now suffering their mid-life crises having accomplished nothing else of note. These men have made nothing other than money.

Maybe start by not taking medical advice from a dude who looked at an eclipse.

it's rapture day and bisexual visibility day so be advised that everyone you can see today is by definition a) not going to heaven and b) down to fuck nasty

1 repost = 1 "well done, my good and faithful servant" 1 scroll past = I will cancel your talk show and threaten your employer

"The Autism Problem" is that we got fucking hands

Ruin a band with a supreme court justice: Megadeath (of Antonin Scalia)

Ruin a band with a supreme court justice: King Clarence Thomas and the Lizard Wizard

Ruin a band with a supreme court justice: Panikavanaugh! At the disco

Let's be clear: no one should be taking medical advice from the man who told Americans to inject bleach. To moms worried about the Tylenol they took while pregnant: you deserve better than being RFK Jr's scapegoat. And to the autism community: you are loved exactly as you are.

THE MEG timeline unlocked

“It could be because autistic people tend to have big, beautiful eyes, an air of mystique and a fathomless, unknowable heart… Oh. Oh, God. Er, excuse me for a minute.”

Have a baby with any kind of disability? That's your fault. You didn't pregnancy correctly. Probably we should step in and prevent you from making so many choices about this. (I don't agree that autism is bad, to be clear--that's their message and the philosophical justification.)

Better go over to Dolores Park and buy some shrooms, sounds like there's gonna be a rush

Good luck tomorrow, gang!

There are some things your brain doesn't let you see. It just overwrites and deletes the information for your own protection. Like the time I saw my friend's compound fracture, or learned about Stephen Miller in the cuck chair.

Another Jewish holiday in the books as the primary cook of my mixed faith household and I'm here to say it again: Jewish food fucks.

Who called it a “meltdown” and not an

i found the cure for autism it's called minding your fucking business

Right coded? Not in my experience. Right handed? Statistically, yes!

"Polyamory is right coded" comes around every few years and then all the tradwives start fucking each other, leave their husbands, and are marching in Pride that summer.

GUESS WHAT WEEK IT IS

Ending every email like this until early December

Idiots: Technology is beautiful because it is neutral and unbiased! Google: *literal encouragement to convert people to Christianity*

please stop saying shit like "real christians don't do this." Real Christians do. They're sitting there right now doing it. They joined that kind of Christianity with the explicit intention of doing exactly what they're doing right now.

Googled "the rapture September 23" and got this kind of hilarious AI response, including subsections on "Why this prediction is unlikely" and an encouragement to get out there and win souls for the Lord.

More of this

"If you're upset about Jimmy Kimmel losing his job wait until you hear about [thing we've all been talking about nonstop on here for a year]!" Literally no one here needs to hear this. Bluesky is collectively plugged into current events at a level that probably isn't healthy for its users.

While he was laid up in bed and unable to stop me, I bought a small boat.