Congress needs to be completely cleaned out, and any private institution that hires one of those gremlins needs to be immediately sanctioned into bankruptcy — they need to carry the political Mark of Cain if this country is ever going to correct course. Life in prison would be preferable, though.

"Why are you returning your item (candle)?"

Access to the chat bots should require a special license and a thorough psych evaluation and rigorous federal background check at this point.

I contain multitudes Oh Oh shit My multitudes containment system is failing, everyone retreat to a safe distance

At an inflection point with a job offer and I feel like I need to consult the cards AND the star chart to make a decision 😵‍💫

Sick of Americans die hard need for bread products to be soft and chewy — bitch! Bread is supposed to be crispy!!

guy who wants "gritty and realistic" D&D absolutely enraged when his character, a grizzled human fighter, is asked to show his travel permit upon attempting to leave the village, gets in a fight about it, then dies of sepsis from a small cut after four days of travel through wetlands with no roads

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

me to my brain: why are you so fucked up brain: mostly trauma and being fed various psychoactive substances over many years babe me: yeah okay whatever man

OH I CANT SEE STRAIGHT AND MY HANDS ARE TIED

Fuck it, remove health coverage for ALL elected officials.

Whatever happened to that Jak and Daxter cosplayer that was always showing feet on the timeline?

siri, play bags by clairo

the thing about getting better is you have to get way worse first

a football should be a living creature that is very violent, with sharp teeth. and also there should be a light at the end of the tunnel. there should be a heaven worth waiting for

'Healthy' can be agonizing sometimes. I cannot believe the sheer magnitude of reordering within my paracosm since meeting this man? These first few months were torturous in challenging myself away from unhealthy coping mechanisms (namely, withdrawal) but this weekend was pure equanimity.

Joining the war on Christmas on the side of drugs

Working from home, and brushing my hair before the conference call because I'm convinced they can tell by my speaking voice.

Throwing a ham through the laser trap to cut it into perfect bite sized pieces

not my photo, i would never use a *spits* dell laptop for personal use

Sometimes I get delayed because I stay like this for a long time

It’s a Wallace eat gromit world out there kid

43 cliff racers lined up above you slowly descending, the fewest number of cliff racers ever recorded in morrowind

Rotating an air fryer in my head rn

Just gonna start blaming my runaway biodaddy for everything — he oughta be useful for at least *one* thing in my life, yeah? Scapegoat.

If #XKCD 2347 was made today … (via social.linux.pizza/@latenightow...)

Bluesky denizens, how do I overcome like a decade of mean world syndrome by this weekend? I have job interviews

*primal whooping*

Also fuck The Emperor??? You don’t wanna do things his shady way and he’s just straight up like, “I have no choice but to join the Netherbrain” and saunters through a portal to Kiki it up with the baddies. Like bitch??? Felt so good killing him in the end.

Minthara confuses tf outta me as a paladin, maybe I’m just too sold on the idea of a vanilla lawful good trope or something but girlie advocates for slavery, has zero issue slurping down additional illithid parasites,,,, like *who* do you serve as a higher power exactly???

my most butlerian jihad coded belief is that we should probably make it illegal – and more importantly, we should work toward a cultural consensus that it is immoral – to design a computer program whose interface uses the first person

Seeing “Do you identify by your legal gender?” on job applications just makes my blood boil — are you implying that any gender is *illegal*? Im here to sell my labor for a pittance, not affirm you and your Fox News reality with my cisgender body. Fuck off!

Yeah I don’t really give a fuck how the planets are feeling rn, I WILL be manifesting myself into better conditions at breakneck speed. I evoke kefitzat haderech in leaving my old self for a new one. *slices the air with an athame*

Everything is $100 now. Meal w/drinks: 100 dollars, small bag of groceries: buddy, that'll be 100 dollars. Any tool under the sun? You're not gonna believe this but it's at leas 1 hundred dollars.

I really feel like we should have jus tstopped "improving" a lot of things after we got them right. Like, once we made fiestaware without lead there is no real need for other kinds of dishes. Or email clients- we should have just stopped with eudora. Or the IBM model M keyboard

Investigating Orin’s murders in Baldurs Gate was a hard pass for me and now here I am, staring down the stalwart door to the temple of bhaal, sheepishly looking up how to open it and realizing that I have to trek back to the surface world to round up an annoying ass quest line

disappointed that astarion immediately gets so power drunk after his vampire ascension but it's not like we didn't just explode and slice the piss out of everyone up the sword coast,,,

It's still funny how for Oblivion they were like "we wanted to make a game where you aren't the chosen one, you're just a schmuck who helps the chosen one" and it's like within 2 minutes of the game Patrick Stewart is doing your natal chart and insisting you're his death doula and holy consigliere.

Natasha Beddingfield was 1000% an industry plant, but what I don’t get is how a Rascal Flatts feature is what ended her tenure on the radio so abruptly

Idk how landlords aren’t getting carved tf up right now, like there’s your hyperfattened Christmas ham right there

About to move in next door to my best friend of 3 years, with my boyfriend of a mere 2 months lmao. But I’m more stressed about financial logistics than I am on matters of the heart. I’ve been trying to make this move a reality for a better part of this year, go figure it lands in December.

[smoking a joint laced with PCP] fonts are software, man

Okay so my BG3 party wound up killing Ansur, which I didn’t intend (why would I off a voluntary meat shield??) but it felt SO cunty to throw down an invulnerability bubble right before he unleashed his charge attack and wiped everything off the board sksksks

Why is ICE only focusing on poor immigrants? Can we get rid of some of the Russian oligarchs that live here?

Originally rolled a Gale play through for a lawful good run, but it’s gradually turned into its own league of evil lmao. “Sure, I could use a vampire ascendant and a dragon.” I never do Nightsong wrong, tho. Hard campaign rule.

Video killed the radio star And streaming killed the video star

One interesting thing people will constantly tell young women in age gap relationships is that the older to guy is stealing their youth which obviously has lots of misogyny embedded in it but also implies a man around your age won’t do the exact same thing or even extract more from you

Ultra-processed foods are a major public health threat that must be urgently addressed, according to a new series of papers authored by 43 global experts. www.reuters.com/business/hea...

Literally apex fantasy.