Rodolfo Duran home run. #Padres

Castellanos hit a three-run homer against my team and I STILL don't care as long as it does the thing it clearly should have done

Butt pats incoming for Buehler, hopefully. #Padres

Castellanos home run. #Padres

Holy Sheets. #Padres

It's time for #Padres baseball.

Joe: I am a 73 year-old retired mechanic in Forsberg, Nebraska. My 3 biggest problems are Iran's uranium enrichment capability, the casting of Helen in Christopher Nolan's "Odyssey," and the ability of Tennesseeans to check out "Roots" from a library 1000 media outlets: can we please talk at length

the united states military when there is a major league baseball game

Melania Trump infesting the White House with bees is the funniest thing no one's talking about right now #Bees #WhiteHouse

Shoutout to the guy walking through the Safari Park reading off Padres stats to his girlfriend

Caught in a barb wire fence, twisted sideways, pants ripped down to my ankles. Outsmarted again by gophers. Suddenly, I see dust billowing up from the horizon. It’s a convoy of rental cars! Hundreds of national reporters are on their way to ask me about gas prices and woke

On the left is an Onion headline from March. On the right is Reuters, today.

#Padres win.

Freddy Fermin Stop Challenging Pitches Challenge #Padres

SPECTRE will never see him coming.

Bases loaded. One out. No runs. #Padres

Trump hearing "cisgender" and thinking its "six genders" then getting all mad about it, thus forcing other Republicans to agree that the libs are now demanding there be six genders, is a perfect encapsulation of our Golden Age of Dickishness and Stupidity.

$35 just to look at the City Connect commercial set. Erik Greupner is an evil man.

The real TDS is these red hat wockaflockas with TRANS Derangement Syndrome. These folks ain't doin' shit to you. Let them be who they wanna be.

Cutoff this guy's handle because I want to make it nearly impossible to dogpile on him, but, "the Padre" and "Jesse Aguilar"? 🤣

Challenge accepted.

Just wait until he realizes Odysseus wasn't from Boston.

Summing up AJ Preller on Ben & Woods this morning: "Y'know." #Padres

Moe Larry Shemp Curly Joe Curly Joe

Not ideal. #Padres

🚨

Wow a lot to unpack here - Little Joe waives his no-trade clause - Pittsburgh shows a willingness to go all-in - Many around the industry think Jerry Dipoto’s offer was better

Classic win-now move. You have to give Pittsburgh credit for going for it while their championship window is open.

* Boston will cover most of Little Joe's salary * Unusual to see Pittsburgh trading pre-arb, but they want to take advantage of the competitive window * Rays sneak in as third team in the deal, get a defense-first utility player

#Padres win.

The Padres make zero sense. I’m just gonna enjoy it until we inevitably get punched in the dick.

Holy Sheets! #Padres

Derp, #Padres.

Misiorowski looks like one of those secret players you could unlock by hitting a sequence of keys on the controller in EA's MLB game. #Padres

That home plate ad reminds me of one the weirdest things I've ever heard in a public setting. Back in 2010 I went to see Iron Man 2 at the theater. As I walked away from the box office, the next person said, "Six for MacGruber, please."

Derp, #Padres.

Not for nothing, but I think a lot of people have wrongly settled on “Twitter became a right-wing cesspool because all the cool people left” instead of “All the cool people left because Twitter became a right-wing cesspool.”

Oh, look, the Brewers are doing a $1 hot dog promotion. On Memorial Day, no less. Must be nice. #Padres

It's so cool to watch Matt Waldron, the only knuckleballer in MLB. I mean, sure, he doesn't trust his knuckleball so instead he just throws 90 mph meatballs directly over the heart of the plate rendering his knuckleball entirely useless because everyone just sits on the fastball, but still so cool 😎

Wandy got out of the inning. #Padres

[Fritz goes out to mound] "Niebla told me to tell you to pitch better." [Fritz goes back to dugout] #Padres

I've heard that the Registrar of Voters sends out a list of people who have submitted their ballots so campaigns will stop sending out mailers. I need someone to figure out how to stop campaign ads from getting to my TV after I've sent in my ballot.