and so begin the 1,481 days of January

no, that was pre Twitter migration, we don’t call them skeets now. style guide says they’re called ejaculating into a spoon. so for example you don’t say “did you see that guy’s skeet” you say “did you see where that guy ejaculated into a spoon on Bluesky”

MH370 search has resumed at the bottom of the ocean like girl you can’t even find missing kids on dry land

I’ve started calling people at work who use ‘ai’ for notes or whatever “illiterate”

what a joy crashing a car no one’s dropped a sandwich in

For the traditional Greek Jew this brings symptoms of acid reflux

[while getting a sonogram] is this AI

Tonight Kertasníkir (Candle Stealer), the last of Iceland's 13 Yule Lads, comes down from the mountains. He steals candles (that used to be made from animal fat) and eats them. Children leave their shoes out in the window, he gives the good ones a small gift, the bad ones get a potato.

the epstein files

Scrolling thru the timeline today

House of 1000 Grinches

It’s beginning to look a lot like early onset dementia

Whatever happened with this Rob Reiner thing, we are not ready for it

The anti-Semitic mass shooting in Australia will cause a national conversation and policy change. We know this because the 1996 Port Arthur massacre led to significant restrictions on guns. The shooting at Brown will do nothing. We know this because it occurred on the anniversary of Sandy Hook.

Australia’s 20th mass shooting in over two decades. The US had more in January alone #ShootifyWrapped apple.news/Ax12uSwhcGRt...

It’s not Christmas in America without a shooter at large

the maple laughs are still my 2nd choice

Connor McDavid being Connor McDavid

nearly one third of adults use chatbots daily. the rest are getting laid

The so-called “war” with Venezuela was supposedly about stopping drugs… yet they’re out there seizing an oil tanker.

i can’t believe Oscar the grouch died. may his memory live on thru every trash can

um. Excuse me

utah mammoth really came out of nowhere like a test tube baby

It is December 4

spotify wrapped said i’m half your age plus seven

Almost a year now since I received this absolutely classic burn from the Canadian government.

if kevin spacey didn’t want to be houseless from sexually assaulting then maybe kevin spacey shouldn’t have sexually assaulted

they happened upon the name chatGPT because CTE was already taken

these are not even the files lol

Covered by oak leaves. Dupont Street.

what a joy buying a car no one’s dropped a sandwich in

oilers are 6th in the pacific with a swagless defence and zero confidence in both goalies and now going back on the road for 7 games. banked home games don’t matter when you lose 9-1 and by fluke beat a team riding a 5 game winless streak in your own barn

asking my psych to prescribe the same dissociatives usha vance is on

the real question is why the Epstein files were on a UPS flight leaving Kentucky Airport

I’m sorry, Canada, I guess you’ll just have to fall back on having a better country in every way

the LA riots have won the World Series

when the blue jays win and the oilers get the cup there will simply be no sport left in America

i like gene principe but i do not trust gene principe with a florida tan

the dumbest person you know is being affirmed by Chat-GPT right now

mcdavid tax cut almost paid off

If any team can come back from a 5-1 deficit, it's the 1987 Edmonton Oilers.

a dating site where you match solely on dishwasher stacking compatibility

“You can’t mutual aid state capacity” is a great summary

hard to believe anyone other than a sandwich is running for governor of new jersey

$20b for higher ceilings in the White House just so the KKK can wear their silly hats indoors

80s cocaine end to end hockey we are so fucking back

surprising my dad on his birthday with a pair of slippers so poorly wrapped he’ll never ask for grandchildren

what good is having sex with a chat bot if it’s gonna tell you kill yourself anyway

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be sure to check your kid’s halloween candy this year or a decade could pass before anyone notices they were photobombed by someone dressed as hitler