asking my psych to prescribe the same dissociatives usha vance is on

the real question is why the Epstein files were on a UPS flight leaving Kentucky Airport

i can still gift this right

I’m sorry, Canada, I guess you’ll just have to fall back on having a better country in every way

the LA riots have won the World Series

when the blue jays win and the oilers get the cup there will simply be no sport left in America

i like gene principe but i do not trust gene principe with a florida tan

the dumbest person you know is being affirmed by Chat-GPT right now

sis about my new essay: it's very different from your book, not funny but raw & moving & authentic me: what do you mean not funny

mcdavid tax cut almost paid off

If any team can come back from a 5-1 deficit, it's the 1987 Edmonton Oilers.

a dating site where you match solely on dishwasher stacking compatibility

“You can’t mutual aid state capacity” is a great summary

hard to believe anyone other than a sandwich is running for governor of new jersey

$20b for higher ceilings in the White House just so the KKK can wear their silly hats indoors

I don’t work for the chamber of commerce or anything so I’m fine with ill-behaved tourists going home to tell their (presumably ill-behaved) friends Denver is dangerous and not a good place to visit

80s cocaine end to end hockey we are so fucking back

surprising my dad on his birthday with a pair of slippers so poorly wrapped he’ll never ask for grandchildren

what good is having sex with a chat bot if it’s gonna tell you kill yourself anyway

καλημέρα σας

Remember all complaints about Taylor Swift are about a woman who wants to win and does and that makes them mad. There is zero reason to be mad about Taylor Swift unless ur dumb.

be sure to check your kid’s halloween candy this year or a decade could pass before anyone notices they were photobombed by someone dressed as hitler

poultrygeist (2025)

somehow admitting you’re the vice president makes you less like one

canadian thanksgiving is regular thanksgiving with universal healthcare

no thoughts just mountain town

consider why so much of our shitty world is because of neoliberalism and the excess trading of community values for money. connor mcdavid leaving money on the table to bring cups to edmonton is the opposite of that. this is an iconic move we will be talking about for generations into the future.

sober october to no nut november pipeline

what’s most disturbing is how so many up there aren’t trained alpinists, just bored regulars with too much money and broken dopamine receptors. they put sherpas lives at risk for their next facebook cover photo, completely unbothered that their lifetime of “success” will never translate at 28,000ft

ready to let grown men on skates on the eponymous fossil fuel team dictate my emotional stability for the next 9 months

church leaders should only be allowed to live in the bell tower like quasimodo

the fate of dough-phelia

what if daylight doesn’t need saving

it’s almost like the haters are gonna hate hate hate hate

new pope goes unequivocally hard

i hope 50 cent is having a wonderful day

y’all quick to talk shit about lyrics when your favourite song is kandy corn by captain beefheart

“Please God bring me a best friend who I think is hot”

letting your children watch videos on loudspeaker for hours on a redeye should legally count as hijacking

My entire personality is now a fusion of evermore and Showgirl. I don’t know how that works. But it’s who I’ve become.

the life of a showgirl has lobotomized me in the sense that i have never been depressed in my life

in a parallel universe mussolini is a delicious pasta meal

us here at southwest want you to know that despite government shutdowns your emergency landing will happen as planned. we haven’t seen a traffic controller in months

Jane Goodall (1934 - 2025)

If you banish me to the Haunted Labyrinth I am just going to open a little diner right at the Traitor’s Gate. Locking me inside an unsolvable maze means I have a captive audience. I am on levels of grind you cannot understand

i’ve only been to chicago once but i think it’s bad to send the armed force to a city represented by a bean

if you’re worth half trillion with no rizz you actually have $0

vaguely flirted with a man recently and i have to admit. never again

taylor swift album release day is my favourite because all my bullshit exes are forced to think of me

if you were a 6 y/o where would you hide a passport