buddy do i have news for you

don’t take an effective, cost-efficient method of pain relief in a country where it costs thousands of dollars to go to the ER

how can tylenol be bad when it’s shaped like a bullet

Wait a minute..Derek Ryan is that you?!

my culture is not your costume

my mom: translate this to english for me? dear cousin, today, rosh hashanah eve, it's time to forgive and forget what happened 20 years ago me: wait what happened mom: never mind

y’all the queen of england’s funeral didn’t go on for this long

I actually come from long line of dead people

i miss the days when i didn’t have to [checks history books] check history books

Rationality is a tourist at the circus

did he just say autism is out of control

my doctor says i have the resting heart rate of AOL dial-up

erika kirk is CEO? women aren’t allowed to have jobs

ellen degeneres has a new skincare brand for the lines that accumulate over years of screaming at your coworkers

ridiculous use of AI. for $200 an hour i can write texts to your ex that are so passive-aggressive they will feel guilty about things they never did

Damon Lindelof, creator of ‘Lost,’ says he won’t work with Disney after the company suspended ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ on September 17.

It's only $17.99 a month to turn off the ads on my fridge, but if I bundle it with Dishwasher Premium I get 3 free hours of ad-supported Hulu a month, so

The Internet of the 21st century was a mistake. We're going back to the internet of 1995. You cannot use the internet and talk on the phone at the same time. Amazon is a website that sells books. There is no social media. There are message boards, chatrooms, and everyone gets one (1) Geocities page

there has never been a worse joke in history

“You used to be able to say anything” comedians never been more quiet in their lives

The remarks weren’t “about Charlie Kirk,” they were about how this administration is using Kirk’s death as an excuse to shut down critics … and they responded by proving him completely correct.

If not dictatorship, why exhibiting all the hallmarks of a dictatorship?

Really enjoying the pigeons just walking around scavenging at the Boston Back Bay Amtrak station. About to buy them a box of Dunkin munchkins and get the hell out of the way.

State & federal cops: Hey, the local news? The local Seattle news: What u got, boss? Cops: Put it in u that we seized 1.5 million lethal doses of fentanyl The local news: How much does it weigh? Cops: Enough to kill everyone in Seattle. Twice The local news: Perfect, thanks. No more questions!

is this a threat

If peppers could assassinate

i prefer my glasses to be dumb actually

now try to explain how this is any different

The r/teachers subreddit is full of stories about lists of teachers who criticized Charlie Kirk (many listings without evidence) and harassment campaigns to get them fired. Free speech and open debate my ass. It’s the same as it always was—another way to destroy education

the violence extends to taco bell stopping breakfast

it is clear there’s a rooftop problem in America

what a way to commemorate 9/11

no one will mind if you don’t contribute to the hateful discourse and just make sourdough instead. In fact it’s preferred

please i am begging whoever has my voodoo doll stop making it read the news

This site is not the campus on which Kirk was shot, but the law applies to all public university campuses in the state; the state legislature just made open carry legal for those with permits.

What does this even mean

they’re saying the new iPhone gives you autism in real time

It’s like regular HR but without the humans or resources

It doesn’t help that gambling is where most of the sports media jobs are now.

Wall Street journal reports that pregnant women are the leading cause of autism

My number one bedroom fantasy? Falling asleep when I try to

I’m quoted in today’s issue of Forbes.

RFK’s speaking voice is how i imagine JFK would sound if he survived the shot

lonely planet top 10 neighbourhoods patrolled by armed security guards and signposted with death threats to visit in 2025

leaving a dead bear in central park without telling anyone is crack cocaine behaviour

they’re letting the most emphysemic men on the planet talk into microphones about public health

moderation coming to chat gpt puts a lot of pressure on parents who now have to first-hand tell their children to kill themselves

chicago doesn’t need a department of defence when they already have a pope

2pm tuesday is such a weird time to announce something. get a job