you’re never more than 10 feet away from someone texting “lol” with a completely expressionless face

I get that the news cycle is packed right now, but I just heard from a colleague at the Smithsonian that this is fully a GIANT SQUID BEING EATEN BY A SPERM WHALE and it’s possibly the first ever confirmed video according to a friend at NOAA 10 YEAR OLD ME IS LOSING HER MIND (a thread 🧵)

Everyone born in 1974 has crossed the Line.

I miss him.

We’ve honestly come so far

Go practice being mean to the fascist... make it apart of your spiritual discipline . Before you put fork to mouth ask Jesus or whoever you got to help you be mean to bad people.

Been saying for a few years now that the time for Jessica supremacy is approaching 💥

Cannot wrap my head around these $29 Torrid bras being so comfortable that I just crawled into bed without realizing I was still wearing one.

I know a lot of folks don't like Pizza Luce, but damn, that spinach salad is good.

Just saw Angie Craig on the Jumbotron and booed.

An Update: I received an email canceling my contract as a columnist at @startribune.com after sharing this story publicly. (I had written columns past the one-year contract already + been asked to continue on in July).

NOT THE WAVE

I think I'd rather be dead.

I think I've always been a dog person?

"25 or 6 to 4" playing at The Depot before the Lynx game has me in full pep band mode. Which I did for one year before I started cheerleading. And then there was that one game where our director somehow roped me into playing bass drum.

I don't know if it's the same absolute queens I saw Sunday, but I walked from the bus to The Depot with two women in pink wigs, tiaras, poofy pink taffeta skirts, pink Chucks, and one in a black bustier with pink sequins and I would follow them into battle.

Only ONE WEEK until I get to see my faves! Please Lynx close out in four games.

Bus is late, and full of assholes taking up unnecessary space.

It’s that tiiiiiiiiiiime again! Women of West St. Paul is launching a flash mobilization of our annual pad drive. Period poverty is pervasive and a need in food shelves nationwide. Neighbors, Inc. needs US. In fact, they came and asked if we could help, because we get it done.

Had to go pick up care packages from Mom here.

I'm ready!

Oops! Left a dress and some other stuff I was air drying yesterday out on the deck overnight. I imagine it's damp again.

Had a moment today that reflects societal failure but also institutions doing what they can to cope. A bit of a long 🧵. So: as you may know, I teach at the downtown YMCA. It‘s a lovely place up on the 3rd floor of Gaviidae Common, sadly underused since it opened a few minutes before COVID. 1/

Now bring back Difficult People and we've got a stew going!

Hell yeah they are.

So many of the responses to this make me want to tear my hair out.

“I asked ChatGPT…”

Pink hair AND a giant pink bow!

Just saw two absolute queens heading toward Target Center in head-to-toe pink. We're talking wigs, hats, sequined jackets. Just beautiful.

I'm going to regret not taking the too-early bus, aren't I?

Hey Lynx fans, I have a spare ticket for today's game. 4:00, game 1 of the semifinals. Cost me $47. DMs are open. Just don't want it to go to waste.

I wish voters had leaned into that aspect as a determining factor in a razor-thin race. Aja has more of a "superstar" glamour and has won the award already. Phee represents what's best about the W and I wish it had rewarded, because growth + marketing of the league may soon diminish it.

There wasn't a wrong choice for WNBA-MVP between Aja Wilson and Napheesa Collier--both had phenomenal seasons. But one of the few ways I prefer the W over the NBA is the more organic, team-oriented mindset to winning. Phee's comprehensive skill set--she's more versatile than Aja--epitomizes that.

I've heard people wondering about ranked choice voting, so I'm reposting my explainer from 2021. The TLDR version is just rank your three favorite (or least unfavorite) candidates in order. But you can read this if you want a deep dive. docs.google.com/document/d/1...

History Made. First MVP EVER to lose a game by 50+ points

Screaming at a driver who almost ran me down in the crosswalk as I was leaving the farmers market before 9:30 am. Gonna be a great day.

Good morning to Lynx fans and Lynx fans only.

The North farm, Oestrich's, and the South farm. Oh, are we not talking about my family farms?

They’re not sending their best.

I hope with all my heart that Jarvis Cocker gets to ask Bob Dylan if he likes empanadas.

There are a lot of tweens/teens here and I love it

This is my first time at the Armory since I went out on a date with a guy who said he was a part owner. After a single date, didn't even kiss, he was like, "Your energy matches mine, so let's do this. I'm not saying let's get married right now, but let's do this." Sir.

I'm just here for "Alexandra."

My Lyft driver is playing soft rock and I love it.

Actually going to eat before I go out tonight, like a normal person. Or what I assume normal people do.

BREAKING: Riley Gaines finishes 5th behind Sonja in spending time with friends, formally protests.

THEY DEFORMED ME, COOP. REDUCED ME DOWN TO ONLY MY MOST RECOGNIZABLE CHARACTERISTICS. I’M A CUTESY SHELL OF MY FORMER SELF. THE BOYS AT QUANTICO ARE CALLING ME A “CHEE-BEE.” I’M SEVEN CENTIMETERS TALL, COOP. 150 GRAMS OF VINYL PLASTIC.

Made it back from Mankato in time to see most of Simpson and Delilah. #blessed

And they wonder why people have lost all faith in the media