Straight into my veins

Right now Jasmine's best hope comes from keeping down the margins in Bexar County we literally have another Crockett making their last stand at the Alamo

What number was he on the list

I sure wish I could have any confidence that Congress won't just roll over and give it to them

(Three Stooges in a death cult) MOE: Alright ya peabrains it's time for us to ascend. CURLY: I did it yestaday! MOE: Where'd ya do that? CURLY: At da post office, ascend a letter! [Moe beats Curly over the head with punch bowl, spilling it on the floor, ruining the ceremony]

OMG YOU GUYS My aunt in Texas, a lifelong Republican (tho she voted against Dump in 2024), voted in her first Dem primary today. Middle America has HAD IT.

How I arrived on Bluesky

If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke... a stroke of luck that is. It’s toast time.

Just ordered from Wonder and I am fully picturing Marcus Samuelsson himself preparing my order in a newsboy cap. I will accept nothing less.

It’s actually FEWER Misérables

So we're doing the Crusades again? Cool, cool.

Armrest

If they want me back they have to go fully Woke 2, sorry. Whole hog. I gotta be able to get an abortion there

Tonight's lunar eclipse at 3:33AM and 33 seconds on March 3rd.

PSA: if you get an email that looks like a punchbowl invitation, contact the person who allegedly sent it before opening. I’m usually good about this stuff, but it looked totally legit & came from a trusted email. A different one came hours later from someone else, so I guess it’s going around.

17 yo and I just watched a chef use hemp milk on a cooking competition show. Me: why is he doing that? It only has to be vegetarian 17yo: LOOK at him [camera cuts to the guy looking like a dead ringer for Moby]

🎵I dread the news today. Oh boy. 🎵 - A Day in the Life 2026

I miss the Washington Post Peeps diorama contest. I entered it a couple of times, but no glory. This was my favorite one (2010).

*gently poking the social contract with a stick* hey are you okay

I saw ur mom at the

I love my machine washable rugs. Very useful in a house with two dogs and 3-4 humans. But omg, getting them back down, perfectly aligned on the Velcro backing, is a full- body workout.

> @jimlaporta.bsky.social

SCIF now stands for “Some Curtains In Front”

YES PLEASE

This looks so cool!

I am reminded that a startling number of people believe that if you’re a member of the military and you don’t like something your government did, you can just throw up your hands and quit the next day like any other job. It Does Not Work That Way

Ok, who here knew that geese have teeth? That they have tiny little teeth inside their beaks??

not once have I ever needed a text message or email summarized in my entire fucking life

Be the Dolly Parton you wish to see in the world.

Capping off the delicious tasting menu at Onggi, we all got cute lil bags of candied ginger

So many things can be turned into musical instruments, my kids threatened.

Which chapter of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” talks about bombing the shit out of them?

I know there are more pressing things going on in the world today, but housing is really important, so

The mala pork belly from Chili Wok is going to be the death of me. Ow ow

The thing you have to understand about the 80s is that the Harlem Globetrotters could show up in anything at any time and nobody would bat an eye.

Brava

Are they single use?

[DJ Khaled voice]: Another one

Quickbooks advice, @zuzusunshine.bsky.social or anyone? I've neglected mine for months, thought I had it all square yesterday, then discovered it's missing FIVE MONTHS of transactions - mid June to late Nov. No matter how many times I update it, it will not import them. Can I add them manually?

Apropos of nothing, please enjoy Perry Farrell singing a song about his cat.

It's time to fix all the major problems in NCAA football! Like... pants.

What if the mayor did a video where she just goes through her closet and tells us where she got everything?

Meanwhile on fb: The full post is a letter to the editor of the ALX times from everyone’s favorite city staff-abusing restaurant owner

my cup size? reese's

If I had invented the retinal scanner I probably would've said something like "It's for checking Eye D lol" and then my investors would've drowned me in a toilet.

Just logged into QuickBooks for the first time in ages and WOW have they made it 1000x less user friendly. For a company named "Intuit" they are especially bad at UI.

“You finished those DC metro stations?” “Sure thing boss, beautiful, moodily lit and oddly unsettling, just like you asked.” “What?”

They’ll never tell you this, but overnight oats don’t have to sit overnight. Half an hour is plenty. Liberate yourself.

17yo’s top music genres for the drive to school: 1. Lugubrious Emo 2. Eclectic Selections From Long Ago, aka Where Did You Even Find This?? 3. Sounds Like It Came From a Video Game Soundtrack, Because It Did

When a hockey team pisses away all the goodwill they generated in 48 hours flat, we call it Milkshake Puck.