nothing like untying the green ribbon around my neck at the end of a long day 💜💜💜

shoutout to the editor of the documentary 'mr.mcmahon', it is always a delight to hear vince make a statement and then have an immediate hard cut to footage that immediately disproves it

at least my nails look good i guess

words cannot express how funny it is that conservatives are so pants-pissingly afraid of portland, the white people riding unicycles capital of the pnw

literally every time I talk to friends

Shhh let them cook

very few things make me happy like watching an old man lovingly plant a lil smooch on top of a very tiny dog's head

absolutely bullshit i can't, like, pull my lungs out of my body and rinse 'em clean under the kitchen sink

babygirl

checking my watch, waiting impatiently for the rapture to take my most annoying relatives and neighbors away

Don't you dare put that baby in pelican mouth.

PAC's first day of 4th grade ass haircut has me fucking rolling ngl

About to get thrown out of here for obvious reasons

It's Minnesota State Fair time! It's time for Minnesotan folk art! Here, for example, is Saturn Devouring His Corn, in the seed art category!

any time i feel down about myself i just remember that i have the same number of stanley cup wins as connor mcdavid and it just perks me right tf up

@espiers.bsky.social cooked.

was going through old newspapers from the 1880's (shoutout to the library of congress) and found this article whose last line i have been muttering to myself all damn day

KIM KITSURAGI - "What is it, detective? Can you make it out?" BULLET - "if you read this you are gay lmao" 1. "It, um, doesn't say anything." 2. "Transgender ideology. My old foe." 3. [Espirit de Corps - Medium 10] "I think you should read it for yourself, Kim."

i'm sure the new superman movie is fun, but i am so fucking sick of both superhero movies and cgi animals that i'm absolutely never going to see it

finally, news that makes me smile

Anti-Vaxxer Finally Gets Shot thehardtimes.net/culture/anti...

democrat melissa hortman was literally politically assassinated in her fucking home less than 3 months ago and now everyone wants to comment on how bad it’ll be now like ok

Just in case, I think this may be a good setting to use ❤️

this is one of the most important times to performatively scold others

"this should be a reminder that NOBODY deserves to be shot while going about their day to day" idk man, i think the guy who said “it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the second amendment” probably deserves it. just a little.

Hey friends, we’re making our way closer to $80k but I need your help! Please give this post a RT or consider donating today if you can. With your help I am one donation closer to safe and accessible travel. Thank you so much! ❤️‍🩹 🔗: gofund.me/0aefbd9a

Thoughts and prayers to Charlie Kirk.

glen powell has the most punchable fucking face in the world, i cannot believe movie studios think i wanna root for a guy who looks like a republican senator that got busted for doing blow off someone's dick in an airport

i think i owe it to my loved ones to take their passing just a little bit badly. fuck grace & poise in the face of loss, they deserve to have me lose my entire shit for 24 hours, followed by spending the rest of my life bringing them up in conversation as much as i can. it's the least they deserve.

if i post the ms paint masterpiece i made while high on edibles and watching my s/o play silksong do you guys promise to be cool about it

never gonna stop being annoyed about twisted metal using will arn€tt to dub over sweet tooth's voice. i know in my heart samoan joseph would've killed it, were he given the chance.

stay far, far away from anyone who treats your boundaries as a personal slight against them

trying and failing miserably at being normal about this youtu.be/3rS83uI0Wak?...

if i'm gonna do one thing, it's develop parasocial relationships with my internet friend's pets

What if they not letting Trump speak because he had a Reverse Fetterman Stroke and hes woke now

"it's totally fine if strangers have the wrong idea about me." i say through a clenched jaw, teeth grinding into dust

having to remove the batteries from my dogs talking buttons because she keeps demanding the full and uncensored release of the epstein files at all hours of the night

what a way to find out a) that ritchie torres is a person who exists and b) that he isn't some washed up d-list former cw actor looking for attention (as i had assumed) but actually an astoundingly evil politician

i never feel more like a cantankerous old lady than when i see tattoos on the internet that i know beyond any doubt are gonna age like shit

"wow you sure paint your nails a lot" well i am stressed as fuck almost constantly and only nail art and intoxicating substances have the ability to make me turn off my brain and chill for a while... and my liver prefers the nail art.

hate hate hate the teller at my bank asking me oh-so-sweetly to pull my mask down so she can see my face, as if i'm wearing a kn95 just as a fucking fashion accessory

It's good that James Dobson is dead and let's use the occasion to say that it's bad to beat children, because he is one of the main reasons we have to say explicitly that it's bad to beat children

We can all learn a thing or two from Samoa Joe. 😌

the way i fucking CHEERED OUT LOUD

love when my mental image for a manicure matches the end result 🌻

very funny how long it took these journalists to figure out what took my 75 year old mother about two minutes- "i can't even trust the autocorrect on my phone, for pete's sake!"

i'm thoroughly convinced that spotify ads were made in a lab specifically to piss me off enough that i'd feel forced to give them my money for premium jokes on them, i switched to tidal instead

It’s so important to have a friend who is an even bigger hater than you so you can talk to them when you know you’re just being a hater but don’t want to feel judged