I'm not sure that this is going to make things 'better' This just feels like another round of playing the violins after hitting the iceberg

Probably no more than 6 kms from her starting point, but nearly 30kms on the dial, and 2 hours in, this is still #NormalForNess @un-ness-assary.bsky.social

Having cycled nearly 5 kms in around 35 minutes @un-ness-assary.bsky.social finds herself back within around 100m of her starting point (there appear to have been some interesting detours as well) #NormalforNess Live tracker here livetrack.garmin.com/session/3cd1...

youtu.be/-ttt4y_hSVI?... #NormalForNess

The Bank has just looked itself up on Clearsky, and discovered it's on an actual list of 'Central Banks and Policy' No, the Bank will not be saying anything...

@un-ness-assary.bsky.social entering Paris today like a boss

***This is not a drill*** Please be aware the @un-ness-assary.bsky.social is about to enter the outskirts of Paris. The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of Ness (and @confusedgibbon.bsky.social) ...has been approved ***This is not a drill*** livetrack.garmin.com/session/591a...

What car would you rather drive than a Cybertruck? Me: One of @edcarver.bsky.social @cmc51.bsky.social and @blackpandacult.bsky.social dodgy carts, sans licence.

I have been reading about all the Wülferhampton denizens who have given up smoking, denying The Bank the excise revenue. And I only have one thing to say to you all. Well done!

Dinner this evening Left without further comment

Whilst Cook is - err - otherwise engaged with @dutytorturer.bsky.social, the Bank will ensure that there is a delivery from the new start-up UlfurEats Their slogan is “Your mead. Your cart. Your peril.” Paid for by the Bank

Whilst Cook is - err - otherwise engaged with @dutytorturer.bsky.social, the Bank will ensure that there is a delivery from the new start-up UlfurEats Their slogan is “Your mead. Your cart. Your peril.” Paid for by the Bank

"Post Mexit, they're now Mercian potatoes and they're better and happier spuds for it."

Potato related announcement commences.

Sire @wulfhelm.bsky.social. Cook @meadhallcook.bsky.social appears unable to provide you with the healthy, beige diet that a dictator like you needs. Now, he's 'on the books', so may I suggest a small amount of cajoling in order to ensure he provides to Your needs, while not forgetting Leper's Gate

It has come to The Bank's attention that a number of denizens have been seeing @apothecaryhelm.bsky.social You all have my very best wishes, and The Bank is always here if you need just to chat

The latest thing for the up-and-coming serf in their hovel

ALL THE INDIAN FOOD HAS ARRIVED!

Let it be known throughout the Mercian realm and beyond that it has been decided that tonight we shall be having... ALL THE INDIAN FOODS! OK, it's take-away due to The Knee, but Friday night is CURRY NIGHT!

Banker News Checked The Knee this morning, and for the first time in months, there is no swelling. And an odd sensation in the middle of The Knee which I'm putting down to The Knee 'knitting together' again

"He lived a live so full He travelled each and every highway But more Much more than that He did it without informing the taxman" (Based on a French song, making it even more appropriate)

We're all in a #temporal anomaly I love the memes though @bankmercia.bsky.social Cart licence renewal time

I think we should all welcome The Dear Leader @wulfhelm.bsky.social back to The Land of Work (except for taxation purposes) It'll be like His first day back at school. Clean shirt, tie, short trousers, clean hanky from Lady B. But no paperwork 'eh?

Some of the very finest & a protected title. If it's not distilled in the most Soviet parts of the Urals it's just methylated spirits.

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. When the Dear Leader slumbers in His quarters, Lady B back from Her epic crusade to - err - Bath. When there is not a Squirrel to be seen, nor a Bard to be heard.

The Dear Leader @wulfhelm.bsky.social would approve of The Bank's activities yesterday, I'm sure Project Hail Mary, then kebabs on the way home!

It's Friday, so I'm expecting a pre-weekend missive soon from WOAD

The Bank is happy to announce that this season's New Potatoes will all carry the signature of the Dear Leader @wulfhelm.bsky.social. X will mark the spud.

Given the state of the kitchens, perhaps we should consider this 'The Grumble in the Fungal' That's a catchy strapline...

@meadhallcook.bsky.social I have a business proposition for you - we open franchises of your delicacies! All across Mercia. I can see it now. We could use the first letter of 'Mead Hall' as a huge logo to attract people. Filet o'rat Double ratburger Rat Meadmuffins. Rat nuggets Mercian fries

Bow down before the greatness that is our Bard.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line"!"

Word reaches Mercia from Frankia, where their deputy Bretwalda wonders whether we wish to return to some form of Heptarchy. WE ARE MERCIA. AND PROUD THAT OUR LEADER LED US FROM THE HEPTARCHY!

We *always* have a choice of where we shop Be more like @riotgrandma.bsky.social Shop wisely. Shop ethically.

Make Mercia Green Again

I hereby declare the printing presses open for business

I hereby declare this to be legal tender.

Tomorrow morning, I plan to do something that I haven't done for probably 30+ years. And that's to be plastered by lunchtime.

There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that The Bank will be bringing in animal themed currency

@theselectfyrd.bsky.social "Wulfhelm, Bardy on stage" @wulfhelm.bsky.social "What do you mean Bardy on stage? Open fire. All seaxes. Dispatch Fyrdymobile to bring back his body" The Banker "Bardy's alive?" @meadhallwench.bsky.social"Bardy, I love you Bardy. But we only have 14 hours to free Mercia:"

Post your fav Lord of the Rings character. Wrong answers only.

www.theguardian.com/culture/2026... Team Jessie! And I ❤️ cats too.

A huge shout out to all the women in Wülferhampton You're all ace.

This your car @bankmercia.bsky.social? 🧐

The Bank's Spring Statement "Tithes to rise for all serfs" Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Public Service Announcement We need to assume (for now) that this might last. Prices are rising. Quickly. They will only ever fall slowly. It might be prudent, for example, to switch the central heating off a little earlier than normal. And to eek out the fuel you have in your tanks

The Bank cannot wait to greet all who are swarming back to benighted Mercia, after having decided to avoid the Bretwalda's tithes by lying [Ed: which sense of 'lying'?] on a beach in the desert The Bank will ensure that these folk are warmly met at the Mercian border by our customs and tax officers

The Bank cannot wait to greet all who are swarming back to benighted Mercia, after having decided to avoid the Bretwalda's tithes by lying [Ed: which sense of 'lying'?] on a beach in the desert The Bank will ensure that these folk are warmly met at the Mercian border by our customs and tax officers

Today’s distraction from your pathetic lives @bankmercia.bsky.social