Some of the very finest & a protected title. If it's not distilled in the most Soviet parts of the Urals it's just methylated spirits.

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. When the Dear Leader slumbers in His quarters, Lady B back from Her epic crusade to - err - Bath. When there is not a Squirrel to be seen, nor a Bard to be heard.

The Dear Leader @wulfhelm.bsky.social would approve of The Bank's activities yesterday, I'm sure Project Hail Mary, then kebabs on the way home!

It's Friday, so I'm expecting a pre-weekend missive soon from WOAD

The Bank is happy to announce that this season's New Potatoes will all carry the signature of the Dear Leader @wulfhelm.bsky.social. X will mark the spud.

Given the state of the kitchens, perhaps we should consider this 'The Grumble in the Fungal' That's a catchy strapline...

@meadhallcook.bsky.social I have a business proposition for you - we open franchises of your delicacies! All across Mercia. I can see it now. We could use the first letter of 'Mead Hall' as a huge logo to attract people. Filet o'rat Double ratburger Rat Meadmuffins. Rat nuggets Mercian fries

Bow down before the greatness that is our Bard.

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line"!"

Word reaches Mercia from Frankia, where their deputy Bretwalda wonders whether we wish to return to some form of Heptarchy. WE ARE MERCIA. AND PROUD THAT OUR LEADER LED US FROM THE HEPTARCHY!

We *always* have a choice of where we shop Be more like @riotgrandma.bsky.social Shop wisely. Shop ethically.

Make Mercia Green Again

I hereby declare the printing presses open for business

I hereby declare this to be legal tender.

Tomorrow morning, I plan to do something that I haven't done for probably 30+ years. And that's to be plastered by lunchtime.

There is absolutely no truth in the rumour that The Bank will be bringing in animal themed currency

@theselectfyrd.bsky.social "Wulfhelm, Bardy on stage" @wulfhelm.bsky.social "What do you mean Bardy on stage? Open fire. All seaxes. Dispatch Fyrdymobile to bring back his body" The Banker "Bardy's alive?" @meadhallwench.bsky.social"Bardy, I love you Bardy. But we only have 14 hours to free Mercia:"

Post your fav Lord of the Rings character. Wrong answers only.

www.theguardian.com/culture/2026... Team Jessie! And I ❤️ cats too.

A huge shout out to all the women in Wülferhampton You're all ace.

This your car @bankmercia.bsky.social? 🧐

The Bank's Spring Statement "Tithes to rise for all serfs" Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Public Service Announcement We need to assume (for now) that this might last. Prices are rising. Quickly. They will only ever fall slowly. It might be prudent, for example, to switch the central heating off a little earlier than normal. And to eek out the fuel you have in your tanks

The Bank cannot wait to greet all who are swarming back to benighted Mercia, after having decided to avoid the Bretwalda's tithes by lying [Ed: which sense of 'lying'?] on a beach in the desert The Bank will ensure that these folk are warmly met at the Mercian border by our customs and tax officers

The Bank cannot wait to greet all who are swarming back to benighted Mercia, after having decided to avoid the Bretwalda's tithes by lying [Ed: which sense of 'lying'?] on a beach in the desert The Bank will ensure that these folk are warmly met at the Mercian border by our customs and tax officers

Today’s distraction from your pathetic lives @bankmercia.bsky.social

@dutytorturer.bsky.social please note. And @theselectfyrd.bsky.social on his return We have our orders gents. @ladyesmerelda72.bsky.social shall pay.

@theselectfyrd.bsky.social and @dutytorturer.bsky.social I'm afraid we have a blatent, unrepentant, tax avoiding, good-for-nothing denizen of the community. Perhaps you would care to pay them a visit, Fyrdy and introduce them to DTs little shop of horrors.

Truth bombs again

The headline writers are *always* right cc @wulfhelm.bsky.social

The headline writers are *always* right cc @wulfhelm.bsky.social

15 years old now, but this modern-day @themeadhallbard.bsky.social is still right, eh @peter-heckel.bsky.social ? youtu.be/5eBT6OSr1TI?...

Physically. Knee fucked (again). Dodgy hip. Back held together with 5 screws. Mentally?

Physically. Knee fucked (again). Dodgy hip. Back held together with 5 screws. Mentally?

As Chancellor of the Exchequor, I hereby declare that the cost of vet care for El gato negro de la muerte - described colloquially as 'a shed load' - can be equated to HOW FUCKING MUCH? Tithes to be raised on all serfs immediately. cc @wulfhelm.bsky.social

Age Verification? Outside toilets. And reading the newspaper on the loo before wiping.

The Bank is looking for denizens who would like to earn spuds! Yes, you heard that right. The Bank is willing to offer *a whole spud* to anyone willing to sit through the new Mummers Play about the life of Our Dear Lady B. Early tickets sales have been... disappointing

RIP

Congratulations on making it to POETS Day. Your favourite Banker is quite chirpy today, as someone has booked him in for a meeting this afternoon at a site that is already *half way home*! Triple brandies all round!

Please note that all the assets of the one calling himself The Mole @edcarver.bsky.social are now the property of @wulfhelm.bsky.social, in line with the Mercian Financial Code @theselectfyrd.bsky.social is entrusted with enforcing this decision Thank you for you attention in this matter

@wulfhelm.bsky.social The future's beige! As always, you are out in front of the fashion wave.

See? This is why we had to Mexit! To get ourselves away from the oppressive Wessex Yoke. Mercian dialect for Mercian people!

Even The Mercian Times has started rumours about rejoining the Heptarchy, going back to The Yoke of Winchester. This is *not* what The Dear Leader @wulfhelm.bsky.social led us through the Devonian Desert for, not why He took The Tablets (3 times a day) down from Glastonbury Tor. We are Mercia!

Even The Mercian Times has started rumours about rejoining the Heptarchy, going back to The Yoke of Winchester. This is *not* what The Dear Leader @wulfhelm.bsky.social led us through the Devonian Desert for, not why He took The Tablets (3 times a day) down from Glastonbury Tor. We are Mercia!

Please please vaccinate your child against measles. This is from our @independentsage.bsky.social report from last year, led by @trishgreenhalgh.bsky.social & @helensalisbury.bsky.social independentsage.org/wp-content/u...

Your favourite Banker was on the MBC's flagship Sunday morning programme 'Desert Island Discs' If you didn't catch me at my most erudite, here are my 8 choices This one would remind me of all the wonderful denizens of Wülferhampton. It was never any of you, was it? youtu.be/drDs-Y5DNH8?...

"I will not fear defeat nor party slight, Till Burnham’s march is stayed at Gorton and Denton. And now a word comes, whisper’d from on high: “He may not stand, nor set his banner there.” Then hope lies wither’d, prophecy undone, For Burnham comes not on, but is held fast." 'McSweeney' Act V, Sc 3

"I will not fear defeat nor party slight, Till Burnham’s march is stayed at Gorton and Denton. And now a word comes, whisper’d from on high: “He may not stand, nor set his banner there.” Then hope lies wither’d, prophecy undone, For Burnham comes not on, but is held fast." 'McSweeney' Act V, Sc 3

Also, The Real World is Hell.