I just popped out to get something from the van. I think I've just been locked out of the care home. Fuck. Me currently 👇

Me in public: My headphones:

Ten things that I like. 1. When the air is so cold that all moisture particles freeze. Rainbows hang like a halo frozen mid-air. 2. Torrential rain and gale force winds. Log burner fired up in the lounge. Snug. 3. Snowboarding, my brain just stops taking. It's like flying.

Vikings were here.

End of life is such a tricky balance. Love. Care. Heart. I'm holding her hand. Sorry for not being around, it's all been a bit much. Back soon. Just taking a breather. There's another substack, if you're interested. When I can face it, I'll do another. open.substack.com/pub/unnessas...

Jazz wanker. Block and report.

You know what to do people. Report and block.

open.substack.com/pub/unnessas... I wrote a thing back in 2024. If you're interested xx

Got in the van to drive to see Gran and hot flushed so bad that I steamed up all of the windows. Me: Gran, if you get cold, sit close to me. I'm a flushing furnace. Her: oh, I remember that from yrs ago. It was embarrassing. Me: don't worry, I just tell everyone so they get embarrassed instead 🤣

@justj1974.bsky.social Shoes have been deployed.

I've made a terrible mistake. I'm about to go food shopping, and I'm hungry. SEND HELP!

Explain a film plot badly. Chains, goffers and pomade.

In Nevada, two people hated things and were more than marginally worried.

Explain a film plot badly. There is music. A boat sinks and many people die. Some survive.

New Game! Replace any word in a song title with the word twat. 🎵Twat - remastered🎵

Sounds idyllic, enjoy xxx

@doctordee.bsky.social similar goggle action mate 🤣

I've just dusted off my skis, they went in the shower. Ski boots are being delivered imminently. Squeeee! It's beginning to feel real. Can't bloody wait.

@mindlesmandles.bsky.social Handle remains, but avi has been updated 👌

@brexitpirates.bsky.social smells like poo. As does @tarquinfauntleroy.bsky.social Sorry, had to be said.

3 am club, hit me! Just woke up. Tell me something funny ♡

It's official. 2025 hates me. A family member got the blue light treatment this morning. I'm currently sat in A&E. She's in a side room. In a masterclass of WTF, I know this room having spent a night in here in '18. Worried and getting triggered as fuck all in one swift fucking maneuver. Alt.

@bsky.pickpear.com spotify.link/ke7w8sDKTXb About 2:20. Reminds me of the sirens. Was the siren chat with you? If not, as you were.

FUCK, I just cooked dinner. Used a fresh chilli. I just itched 2 places that are errrr, now on fire. Suboptimal. 🤣

I am one with the force, the force is with me!

I think Olive *may* want twiglets. Fuck off Olive. They're MINE!

I just bought a new toy!! Snow is falling in the Alps, and for the first time in years, I'm invested in it... January, roll the fuck on!!!

@davey-c-akes.bsky.social North Devon! Same! We've probably crossed paths in Asda. 🤣

Fucks sake. I made a shopping list then stepped away for 5 minutes and an electric guitar got added.

open.substack.com/pub/unnessas... I wrote this yesterday. Last night? I slept 7hrs. Fuck. *yes I know, I'm posted this ten minutes ago but I fucked up the link. Again. 😬

Right you bunch of miscreants. This twatbag isn't a bot. He's an old pal, I've known him for 2 decades. He's not felt the love of this place yet so I'm showing him the way. You know what to do. Please take the piss mercilessly, because he's worth it.

@hennaboy.bsky.social I'm your only follower 🤣 Ah well.

@hennaboy.bsky.social hey there you utter 🔔🔚

open.substack.com/pub/unnessas... The second appointment was an admin error. I'm fine. Thanks for all of the lovely messages, you lot are amazing. Sorry for not being here, I had to withdraw and take a breather.

Ooopps. Wrong link. Twat. open.substack.com/pub/unnessas...

substack.com/@unnessassar... The scanxiety of tomorrow, lives on today. Apologies for all of the shitposting. You lot have been amazing.

Fixed. If anyone has a Samsung update and looses predictive text, you have to download it. FFS. Ah well, fun was had writing codswallop today!

Words that I didn't to have ti type today: I have a flood on ny hands. Aslo me:

Shut fuck. A song just came on my headphones that I havent heard bwfofe. I was like, oooo. Looked at the screen. Fuck. Aparently, I luke Bruce Springateen* *Springstwwn. *Springsteen.

WARNING TO ALL SAMSUNG PEOPLE. Im just writing this post to ullustrate how vuatal prwdictive is to ne. If youe phobe needs to do an uodatw: delay the fuck out of it ubtill thwy patch this horrir show. Im also goibf to stop pisting gron the cimputer as thia us fucking hilaripus. 🤣

BE WARNED My phone just did an update. I have lost predictive text. My already terrible spelling is about to take a fucking nose-dive, hello typos, my old friends. I am typing this on the compooper so you are safe for now. I accept full responsibility for my future shortcomings.

My watch just told me to 'believe in myself'. Right. OK, then. Watch, you are on my wrist to tell me the time 🤣 If I wanted self help advice, I would join a self help group. Fuck off.

When a fine dining chef comes to visit for a few days.....NGL, we just ate like Kings and Queens.

Running people, help or advise needed please. When I spin bike, I'm in Zone 2. When I long distance swim, Zone 2. When I cycle outdoors, Zone 3/4. When I run, I LITERALLY MAX OUT. Wtf is going on? I can't physically run any slower, or I'd be walking. Any ideas what could be going wrong here?

I *want* to go for a run. But, fuck. Olive. I can't make her move, that would be cruel.

4am club, who is with me? Morning fellow insomniacs.

@itsmefil.bsky.social 25km down. 25 more of the fuckers to go!

It's pwetty!

Let's go! Test run on this new toy.

Cyclist question. @itsmefil.bsky.social @grumpybb.bsky.social @dutytorturer.bsky.social I'm about to go on a long(ish) ride. I have cycling shorts, which will be deployed. Sorry if this is rude, but pants or no pants underneath? From past experience, I've found that they chaffe. Any tips?