@wulfhelm.bsky.social IS RISEN! No. Wait. It's not the rapture, it's just the Viagra.

Send in Truss. www.bbc.com/news/article...

This place is gonna get busy when the Rapture happens. Take a ticket and wait your turn.

Quite looking forward to the rapture, honestly.

If playing field were level, Shadi might have a valid point. But the playing field isn't level, it slopes steeply downhill to the right, because the groundsman has made it that way. Any influence the players may have on the game is overwhelmed by the bias introduced by the groundsman.

An ode to @wulfhelm.bsky.social The terrible thing about Wülfhelm Is Wülfhelm's a terrible thing His hat is made out of iron And his bollocks are made out of tin He's clangy, cranky, clunky, clanky When he's pissed we feel the brunt But the most terrible thing about Wülfhelm is He's a fucking cunt

DOGE: Department Of Grifting Expediency

Gave the old girl an outing today because the guitar coach wanted to cover some John Mayer stuff. Nailed the tone.

Bugger. Apple have disabled slide typing on the Bluesky app. Twats.

So, I went to our nearest town this afternoon and I saw a sight I have't seen for years and hoped never to see again: Black kid running along the road being chased by three jeering white kids. The black dude was outpacing them so fast, they gave up. The town is festooned with flags.

👇

Right. Off line for a while now..... Back later.

I appear to be in a sillier than usual frame of mind this evening. You'll all regret it in the morning.

I am girding my loins in preparation for cooking the evening meal. I always gird my loins before cooking, since the unfortunate incident with the deep fat fryer.

Having an internal debate on whether to go out for a walk, practice guitar or sit here posting shit. Tough call.

Stop taking the piss @nessevely.bsky.social, I know it’s you.

WÜLFERHAMPTON BOT ALERT - PLEASE READ 🧵 I've had requests to block bots (Brendas) that have appeared. These bots are NOT following wulferhampton.bsky.social and are NOT appearing in the Wülferhampton Mêlée or Uniquely Wülferhampton feeds. I CANNOT BLOCK ANY ACCOUNT THAT FOLLOWS YOU DIRECTLY 🧵👇

Current status…

Right. I'm gonna log off for a while.

Wülf's always drinking', it wouldn't be a bad thing 'cept his temper's bad 'n that's no lie He spends the night imbidin' 'n when theres wine inside 'im He's apt to stick a seax in your eye. Don't blame it on t' Squirrel Don't blame it on t' Phantom Don't blame it on ol' Fyrdy Blame it on the Merlot

Right. Enough. Logging off.

OK. My current line of thinking is to build an additional "Wülferhampton Lite" feed. It will only find posts that mention Wülferhampton topics, regardless of the posting account. People can use either or both feeds as they wish. Reply with emoji: Yes 🙂 No ☹️ Sasuages 🫘 (don't care)

Question for #Wülferhamptonians: I've noticed a few accounts that have followed the Wülferhampton feed don't engage with anybody, but just post or repost a stream of political/social opinion which ends up in the Wülerhampton feed. Should I remove them? Discuss:

MHB philosophical observation: It occurs to me that the pace of humanity’s increasing technological sophistication is unmatched by a corresponding increase in its psychological maturity. Put simply. We’re riding for a fall.

So. Bed salespeople. Fuck me. They’re are like fucking Velcro. One wanted to measure me on their techno mattress and then tell me what mattress I ‘needed’. Fuck (and I mean this most sincerely) right off! Anyway. Eight furniture stores later… No sale. Currently stuffing a bin bag with straw.

Then, at the business luncheon, the numpties fight back.

👇

Bastard brain just did it to me again. The fucking thing needs sticking in a fucking blender and turning into a smoothie.

So, the Wülferhampton safe word. Is actually a phrase: “eponymous twat hat” Remember to scream this whenever the situation is looking terminal.

Ahem.

The @meadhallwench.bsky.social is looking a tad miffed about the custard pie fight in the Mead Hall. I think I'd better dial it down a bit.

Was it something to do with tonight's Top Table incident? (Good move on my part to distract the AWOD, I thought.)

I wonder if they’ll be custard on the Mead Hall Menu tonight? 🤔

What fresh hell is this?

OI @rootvegserf.bsky.social. Tee hee hee.

The Great 973 Flan Rebellion of Flansted Heath. The @theselectfyrd.bsky.social were attacked by a flan flinging mob. This scene depicts an officer yelling at a young recruit: "So you think it's funny Son? Well, see if you still think its funny after you've polished everybody's armour tonight!"

*Flings a flan at @bankmercia.bsky.social Direct hit*

Kinell. Pizzicato Paganini youtube.com/shorts/0mJKa...

Ooooo. Bookmarks have arrived.

Slightly diminish a book. The Dropped Fifth Elephant. (Niche, I admit)

@wulfhelm.bsky.social youtube.com/shorts/e_PyM...

Slightly diminish a book. To wound a mockingbird.

My car has a strange feature. When I put it in reverse, a little television comes on - in the console - & it always shows a short film of someone being run over.

No. It’s making it cheaper. When you have an issue that is out of the ordinary, it does a better job of preventing you from taking to a human than a GP receptionist does when preventing you from talking to a doctor.

Catton Park last night. The synchronisation between the voice over and the fireworks. (Sound up btw)