So 23:20 is as good a time as any to discover that your boiler’s condensate drain pipe is leaking into the kitchen. Yes?

I’ve a radical idea. How about they stop their introspective internecine backstabbing and squabbling… AND CONCENTRATE ON FIXING THE COUNTRY’S FUCKING PROBLEMS? TWATS!

Wülferhampton PSA: Dear Wülferhampton nubies. There’s a few of you knocking around recently, so you need to know some things. It doesn’t make sense. IT NEVER MAKES SENSE. If Wülferhampton starts making sense to you, seek professional help. Also. See the @wulferhampton.bsky.social account.

@un-ness-assary.bsky.social I was browsing in the lingerie section of Morrisons and found this.

BREAKING NEWS We’ve just received this transcript of @wulfhelm.bsky.social’s opening remarks are his cabinet meeting. “There is no process for deposing me. Shut the fuck up and get on with your jobs or it’s the seax for you.” Reportedly, he then stabbed the nearest thegn who ‘looked at him’.

I am in a coffee shop with ex colleagues, trying to explain Wülferhampton. One has opined that Wülferhampton is an amalgam of Tolkein and Trumpton. Seems legit.

Old Geezer: “I remember when all this was fields.” Micheal Faraday: “It still is.”

Apropos @wulfhelm.bsky.social’s necrophilia problem.

For posterity. And, possibly, legal action.

Tonight in the astral canteen. Very unhealthy¹ burgers. ¹ Calm down. We’re dead already.

I have just found out that, when the Plumbers installed the mains pressure hot water system, they connected the garden hose spigot on the low pressure side of the pressure reduction valve. I have scarified and seeded the front lawn. Rain is not expected. The lawn sprinkler is ‘dribbling’. Fuck!

Anyway. Stuff to do.

There seems to be a misconception that Cook is actually me and not some AI¹ Bot that might have been coded by an absolute twat² with too much time on their hands. ¹ Automated Imbecile ² Possibly me

I seem to remember @un-ness-assary.bsky.social doing this.

Right. To the Stratcave…

THE CHINESE FOODS have been consumed in the astral dimension. The fortune cookie was… uncannily accurate.

The realisation has dawned that my sojourn into the garden this last few days has ment that I have not done any learning of the guitar piece that my tutor wants me to master and for which my motivation is, at best, luke warm. I am fucked. Damn.

I’m going to have my haircut this afternoon. Not sure which one yet.

I have spent three hours scarifying t’ lawn. I’m not sure who’s more scarred; me or it.

GO TO SLEEP YOU FUKWIT!

It has just occurred to me that I’ve never owned a blue guitar. Black (Sorry Johnny), Red, White, Butterscotch, Natural Wood. But never a blue one. TBF, I’ve never bought a guitar on looks. But nevertheless. *starts browsing guitar suppliers*

Georgina is halfway through Lady Chatterley's Lover and she already fainted twice and had a spontaneous crisis.

I have an idea…

When this takes off 🙃, you’re going to have these noisy fuckers buzzing around three to five times more frequently than delivery vans (based on courier visits to houses on our road). All because it’s cheaper than paying someone minimum wage. WTF are we doing? www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/...

It’s cocktails time… @un-ness-assary.bsky.social @confusedgibbon.bsky.social @theselectfyrd.bsky.social

Current mood.

@un-ness-assary.bsky.social This is cornflower, right? RIGHT? *the self doubt is strong today *

Might get some tequila when I go shopping tomorrow. What do you think? @un-ness-assary.bsky.social @confusedgibbon.bsky.social

Apropos nothing in particular. @un-ness-assary.bsky.social @confusedgibbon.bsky.social

Right you fuckwits. I have to cook dinner. *disappears *

I am at the garage having my wallet lightened.

Has David Attenborough made a documentary about shagging?

BREAKING NEWS @wulfhelm.bsky.social ejected from the Met Gala after walking the carpet dressed in polyester Y fronts and a string vest. Pictures to follow… Unless you pay the ransom.

😂

I’ve just spent an hour composing a letter to my MP regarding voter intimidation. Apparently, I’m a radical twenty something. 🙃

At this precise moment I want to be stood in front of a Marshall stack with a Strat playing so loud my kidneys shake.

A poem: Wine has been consumed . The wine is gone. I am sad. Fuck it.

Slightly diminish a book. The man in the Temu mask.

For the serious musos among you. @wulfhelm.bsky.social need not trouble himself. youtu.be/spB9eTMQINA?...

You poor deluded buggers…

Anyway, grandad duties, so piss off you lot.

There y’ go. Terrify yourselves. youtu.be/WnzR5aOElvw?...

Look, a squirrel. (Wine thread distraction strategy) bsky.app/profile/psyc...

Me trying to kill this fucking thread.

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!