Right. That’s that sorted.

I’m going for a hike shortly. It seemed like a good idea when we organised it about six weeks ago.

It would appear to have snowed slightly.

Never drink alone my mum told me. Sorry mum.

😳

@psychicsquirrel.bsky.social You’re up. Apparently. Border or Cotswold?

I have just spent a productive hour or so folding holiday washing and hanging out more to dry on the heated dryer thingy. Zen and the art of pairing black socks. Sun Tzu was notably silent on this subject.

Anybody know how to reboot existence? This one’s broken.

No YOU fell asleep in front of the TV.

The enemy of mine enemy is probably also a fucking twat. Ancient Wülferhampton proverb.

So fell asleep (finally at 5:00am) woke up 8:30am. Fighting to stay awake after going out for a long walk. 😬

Yeah, @kevinthechaffinch.bsky.social gets a lot of grief.

It’s bloody cold. I’m gonna hibernate.

I suppose I’d better go buy some bread and milk, just in case the world doesn’t below itself to hell over the weekend.

*sigh*

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Describe @wulfhelm.bsky.social using only guitar brands…

Ohhhh Tai Cheese. Now I see it.

👇

I deny all knowledge of this.

DON’T FORGET THE CHERRIES. (They’re in the bakery aisle)

I think I’ve sobered up.

Sláinte

I’m gonna make myself a proper drink to see in the New Year, which for me will begin at about 08:00 tomorrow. May your spirit never falter and your God go with you, whatever your beliefs. Take care Wülferhamptonians. Sound up. You can spare two and a half minutes. 🥃 youtu.be/uUK-8M3Vhzc?...

I may have overachieved on the getting drunk target.

My story begins on a day in November.... Long 🧵 Brief: hire a capable 4x4 to travel to the High Scottishlands because my rear wheel drive EV ain’t the thing to have if it snows. Also, no charger at Airbnb. Arrange pick-up 46:00 hrs before Daughter's wedding at Gretna Green.

‘Kin ‘ell. It’s just the annual sprout miasma enveloping the village. Once the weather gets windy enough to compete with the Serf’s arsehole emissions, it’ll clear. Stop being such a bloody drama queen.

So. I use Apple’s Siri to send WhatsApp messages when my hands are full. Recent exchange between me and Siri (names changed to protect the innocent) “Siri message Ann Bard.” “Ann Bard doesn’t appear to be using WhatsApp” Repeats instruction slowly and clearly. Same outcome. Sigh….

Right. Shit loads to do. Probably gonna be quiet until tomorrow.

@wulfhelm.bsky.social Fancy a chat?

Clear violation of GDPR.

@wulfhelm.bsky.social You’re OK, it’s low in saturated fat and beige in the centre.

Boxing Day Mead Hall Special: Tactical Bubble and Squeek. Leftover sprouts, mashed spud and diced onions fried until golden black. Crusty to the point of forming igneous rock and slightly less toxic than Fukushima sushi. Pudding: A powerful emetic. Suitable for vegans and close combat.

THE #MEADHALLSPROUTS ARE READY. Be seated and well behaved ready to receive your portion. Bad behaviour will be rewarded with a second portion. As is customary, the @dutytorturer.bsky.social will be on hand to ‘help’ reluctant diners. May the Gods show mercy on your (arse) souls.

If you can, make peace with yourself. Because only then you can make peace with others. Learn to be still. Open yourself to the world around you. Listen more than you speak; but deny the oxygen of attention to those that would manipulate you by antagonising or feeding your concerns. ✌️🙏

Can’t wait for the Bretwalda’s speech tomorrow. Perhaps @wulfhelm.bsky.social will finish the bloody crab story?

The #meadhallsprouts are on the final stretch. Cook has chiseled off the scum and the sous serfs are fanning the green miasma mist out of the kitchen. The aroma is so unique that the rats are throwing themselves onto the kebab skewers in desperation.

No noose is good noose. Ancient Wülferhampton proverb.

My crushes by decade… ‘70+: Stevie Nicks ‘76+: Hazel ‘86+: Hazel ‘96+: Hazel ‘06+: Hazel ‘16+: Hazel ‘26+: Howling at the moon.

Your #Wülferhampton Apothecary wishes all a joyful Yulefest 🎄 Yule Health Tip: Consume the Cook’s sprouts with caution. You heard it here first!

The Sprouts are on the final simmer. The cauldron wall thickness has dissolved by 34%, indicating that this years batch are slightly stronger than usual. Make sure you get a snug fitting cork from @apothecaryhelm.bsky.social

@wulfhelm.bsky.social Pheasants

Current status