Stolen from @pash351 in the other place.

You can still enjoy the lamentations of their women (or significant other halves), though.

Apparently, ploughing the lands of your conquer foes with salt is against DEFRA regulations.

Whilst I, your beloved Bretwald, am intimately acquainted with human anatomy, I have never claimed any medical expertise. Nonetheless, I hesitate to take medical advice from someone who thought injecting yourself with bleach was sovereign for the late pestilence.

Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table only), double jumbo sausage n chippy chips with a gravy thick enough to slice. Lower tables. Spam, no chips, no gravy. Vegetarian/vegan option. An almost edible @greenparty.org.uk membership card. Scraps and scrapings by the leper gate as ever.

Statement from the Office of the Bretwalda. The Big Tree remains out of bounds for health and safety reasons. That is all.

I’m so glad you’re a “friend” Anyway, we’ve had a whip round and got you a place on that anger management course. Enjoy 💣💥☠️

America sought to be classless. And in Donald J Trump they have absolutely fucking nailed it.

Rupture, yes, rapture, not so much.

Exactly.

Nice to see the Great Beard hasn't lost his touch.

What's with those shoulders?

I haven't picked an outfit for the rapture because I'm not fucking going. Eternity spent with a bunch of sanctimonious cunts who haven't read their own book? I'll pass, thanks.

It's almost like my Mum is in the room. Except she can't be because of the whole bricking her up alive in the convent wall thing.

No. You just nicked six prawns from the pan whilst M'Lady B nipped to the loo prior to serving.

The limited menu options on the Vegetarian/vegan option are a direct result of me not giving a shit.

Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table only) panco* gambas* n tagliatelle* Lower tables. Spamatelle Vegetarian/vegan option. Silt Scraps and scrapings by the leper gate as ever *strikers for AS Roma in the late seventies and early eighties.

Can roundabouts even get bubonic plague?

Good morning.

You never ever see @themeadhallbard.bsky.social and Grima Wormtoung in the same room at the same time.

The Rookie. Episode 1.76x10e24. Nathan Fillion pulls over a big guy with a 'scrotum like chin' on a DUI and subsequently books five 'shiny stones' into LA's prettiest station house's evidence locker. Hilarity ensues.

Tonight's future presentation, subject as ever to approval by @colken.bsky.social, stars a bloke who never takes his hat off, urban planning, you not getting the gag in the last sentence, a peach tree and a really fucked up Virgin Mary* *Now and at the hour of our death, etc.

I can't smoke a duck? Political correctness gone mad.

Just gonna pretend that I understand whatever the fuck this is, and move on.

I still worry about Pluskat's dog.

He's calling you fat @themeadhallbard.bsky.social

This reminds me of a story.

The Wehrmacht. Gott mit uns. The Red Army.

I have a similar story about Woodpecker Cider.

Most of my dreams are about attempting to leave a hotel and failing. Also, cigarettes. I haven't smoked in a quarter of a century. And Ducks.

Bushmills. It's a bit like skimmed milk.

Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table only) liver, bacon n onions with mash, seasonal veg, and liver, bacon n onion gravy, thick enough to slice. Lower tables. Spam, and guess what? Vegetarian/vegan option. Lichens. Scraps and scrapings by the leper gate as.

AWOD: “We could take 'im." MrPip: "Yes young padwan, but then we'd only have one bacon buttie. If we continue to fawn over him, we shall have a continuous supply of treats and walkies." AWOD: "You are wise master." MrPip: "Yes. ... He is a cunt though."

My hounds. Their entire adoring focus on their master. That I'm eating bacon rolls is completely coincidental.

Her WHAT?

Big boned.

Anyway. Food. Fuck off now.

That went weird faster than usual.

The Rookie. Episode 234, 764, 939, 207. Part one. Nathan Fillion investigates the mysterious disappearance of the visitor book to Stormy Daniels 'wine cellar'.

I'd forgotten just how bleak the Godfather movies were. Thank fuck they never made a third.

Clarification for my Yingees followers. I don't really think you're all perverts. Idiots yes. But not perverts. Unless you voted for the shaved gibbon. In which case, probably, yes, to both.

Passive aggressive cooking. Episode one. When you wander into the kitchen to refill your wineglass from the bottl which is four meters away from where M'Lady B is preparing dinner, but somehow, you're still in the way.

Any system based on honour will not long survive those who have none.