Spending a liitle time with Mr. Porky

Who wants some of my homemade Cottage 'allsorts' pie?

I'm up and moving. Now I have to hide the evidence of a good time without my children, before they come home.

Has any reporter asked former President Bill Clinton if President Trump sucked him off at any point in the last 20 years? It feels kinda important to current affairs and archiving American history right now, so schoolchildren can learn about it in the future #Bubba

Any beardy people out there find it seemingly starts to grow along the the very edge of the corner of your lips and inwards? #Beard

One of my flower series that I shot on transparency film 22 years ago.

Reposting #ClassicHollywood because I spelt Hollywood wrong 🤦

My colourised Veronica Lake born on this day 1922. She pioneered the peekaboo hairstyle. #ClassicHollyood

Want some good news about the UK economy for once...levels of GDP (and forecasts) keep getting revised up...

Because I've been a good boy and my pay rise has come through, I'm buying myself a takeaway tonight. Just me. The kids are at their aunt Lucy's, but rest assured they'll come back tomorrow, sniff out what I've had without them and accuse me of being selfish. What are they having at Lucy's? Takeaway.

If you see this, post a #StarTrek

But what if we kissed inside the giant taxidermy cetacean?

Read about a lovely childless couple who adopted two year old boy & girl twins. Their comment 1 month later? "Exhausted, absolutely exhausted. We've never been so tired & it takes ages for us to go anywhere too. They just undress themselves & run off." I laughed and laughed and laughed. Bless them.

21:20hrs Been on Teams explaining to a colleague step-by-step the technical instructions I gave this morning. She fretted all day that she didn't understand what they had to do. "I get it now! It's easy! I didn't want to say I didn't understand." "Don't worry. Where there's one, there are others."

A mad dash rush. Traffic was just blech dropping son to school. Time ticking away because I needed to make Saffy's sandwiches & walk her to school. Also had a zoom meeting at 9 to give technical instruction to 10 people. I get in, Saffron is fast asleep on the sofa when she should be dressed & ready

My daughter just told me about her friend at college, who's just found out the man her mother is married to for the past 14 years is her father. Not the man who is registered as her dad and who's being looking after her 50/50 the past seventeen years.

Look everyone! Full size Twix, Bountys, Marathons and Mars Bars! I new I hadn't dreamt it.

They all died #SkyNews. The fog didn't help them. The vehicles were blown up by drones and the Russians were hunted down before they could establish positions.

One of the things Bluesky has exposed me to is the subculture of drawing women and anthropomorphic animals with unfathomably large breasts.

Someone has asked me if I wanted a Cockatoo. Seriously? I don't need someone else talking back to me and being cheeky. Unless I misheard.

Welcome our new robot overlord.

Tonight's meal will be Mediterranean vegetables, cod fillets steamed in foil with garlic butter and herbs. Should've been £8.15. Now £2.03. I did ask the kids if they wanted it and it was like I'd asked if they fancied poo on a plate.

Cats and dogs view the world at 100 frames per second for persistence of vision. We do after 25 frames per second. They sense movement faster than we do and can see better in the dark. Cats eyes are terrible after 20 to 30 metres. We see far horizons, they see blur. Their close vision is superior.

In China they live in the future.

Gabriel's teacher has phoned me up to apologise for mistakenly putting him in detention. Gabriel had no idea why he was being banged up & was terribly upset. Teacher pulled him out & put him on the bus. Just waiting for him to get home so I can wind him up by telling him he's being sent to bed early

A lot of people are sharing their daily meals on here and I do hope they're taking enough vitamin & mineral supplements to stave off the onset of pellagra, beriberi, rickets and scurvy.

@kathyburke.bsky.social for new Director General of the BBC!

God damn, my son looks so much like his mother, it hurts!

A lot of outrage about losing BBC chairman Tim Davies and BBC News CEO Deborah Turness over Trump editing, but this is beautiful right-wing own goal. Conservative plant Tim Davie needed to go anyway. Turness who joined the BBC board in 2022 has overseen the dumbing down of news & current affairs.

The stylish Fedora Man was actually a 15 year old schoolboy who likes to dress 'chic'. The woman in the background is his mother.

The Twilight ending I wanted.

This one is gone but there are others. So be aware and careful.

Alain Delon.

Went to Aldi because I promised the kids hot dogs for dinner. Absolutely no hot dog rolls, so thought creatively. I bought their Metro Italian sub rolls. I then put two hot dogs, fried onions, jalapeños and hot sauce in them. They're fire mouths so will be okay. Their eyes lit up when they saw them.

Where's your fucking poppy?!

GOOD MORNING BLUESKY I KNOW WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS... THIS COFFEE MUG SAYS IT ALL AND IS PERFECT FOR EVERY OCCASION.

Example of our work from the book.

Afternoon everyone. If it's not afternoon where you are, then good morning. If it's not morning, then good evening.

Or can he? @barneyfarmer.bsky.social

I let the kids sleep in to 11am. Saffron:"Jeez, dad. Why did you let us sleep so late?" "Why? Got some urgent Minecraft or Roblox gaming to do? Besides, it gave me a few hours peace & quiet." "What about breakfast?!" "How about brunch?" "There's cake in the fridge. Then you can give us lunch?"

My dad never wore a poppy. Nor attended any Remembrance Parade. He served 26 years in the British Army. 2 years National Service, 22 year contract and 2 years extended. He served in Malaya, was involved in jungle combat which at times led to hand-to-hand fighting. When he was done, he was done.

Fate has a way of making you become what you've ridiculed.

My friend is at a book launch today in Ireland. It features quite a few photographic pieces of his, my own & our collaborative work. He phoned me tell how so many people have come up to congratulate him & tell him how they don't know how we've done it & "It's like witchcraft". No. Not witchcraft.

Just me and my youngest two tonight. Erin is having a sleepover at her friend's birthday party. Me: "Are you sure you don't want picking up later?" Erin: "I'll be fine, dad. Stop fussing." "It's not that. The last party you went to you fell asleep on a table at 9pm & they phoned me to get you"

Shocking article in the Sheffield Tribune. A solicitor, Andrew Milne, buying up freeholds of houses and then making (false) threats to the leaseholders to bully them into buying the freehold at a huge premium.

A new meme template is born.