To all those making Chinese New Year puns, take a bao.

Ah, I see daylight post-4pm, which makes me feel less inclined to want to kill myself.

Monday.

Dear science. Do fuck off. Sincerely, me. www.sciencealert.com/humans-age-f...

👀 I'd expect this is Royston Vasey, but not Manchester.

Hanson, post-balldrop. #TOTP

Adobe CC doubled their subscription recently and my year is up, so I finally went to cancel it after using it for decades. Skip to the end: I'm now paying 33% *less* than I was before. I’m not sure who won, but it definitely wasn’t maths. Not complaining, like.

Highlander 3: The Cunting

[Wakes up. Opens eyes. Gets twatted across the chops with 'news'.] And this is why the aliens don't land here.

And that's why you can't rely on Google Translate. (Saying that, this is Japan. Anything is possible.)

Buying a birthday card for a man is a magical journey through the rich tapestry of male culture, including such diverse topics as: - Beer - Farting - Being an old bastard - Being a young bastard - Being a dickhead - Cars - Football - Golf - Luke Littler Truly, the masculine experience. [Yawn]

For some reason, the Microsoft Teams notification chime puts the absolute fear of god in me. It's a real trigger. Don't ask me why. It never used to bother me. So when you get That Guy™ who sends 8 messages in a row instead of 1... well...

Off out.

Ultramanc: A British retelling of Ultraman for the northern working classes. Grows to 200ft on a wheelie bin, fights kaiju in ASDA car park, recharges on brews and sausage barms. BBC-1, Sunday evenings, inexplicably followed by antiques.

Overheard: "Vintage 90s".

As an Old Bastard™, AI primarily means 'Adobe Illustrator' to me, so this entire discourse requires a lot of cognitive effort.

6 months without a cardigan on and Jon Richardson's let the power go to his head. #WaterlooRoad

Suede (known as the London Suede in the United States) are an English rock band formed in London in 1989. #TheNightManager

This is [checks notes] "vibe coding".

Potentially putting my 3D printer to use. #WorthyOfTheDiamondLogo #CAD #NoAI

I'm glad we've finally welcomed Tracey Thorn from Everything but the Girl to the "Whoniverse".

Keep getting sponsored content for the Manga series 'Dandadan', except in my brain, it isn't that, is it? #AccidentalPartridge

The Beckham Scandal, performed by cats

@hippriest.bsky.social Happy birthday, fella. Whatever you get up to, I herp you have a great tarm! X

Sorry, clickbait: not today.

Anyway, well done, Rachel Stevens. A deserved win! 👏 #TheTraitors

"You have each won 5% of what I earned for this stupid bloody show!!" #TheTraitors

Collective term for all of the contestants from The Traitors, apart from Jessie.

"Yourself" "Myself" #TheTraitors

"Defecating on your microphone" #TOTP

Even though this isn't that song, every release sounds like it should start with "ERMAHGERD, I'M BACK AGERN". #TOTP

The Corrs have aged really well. #TOTP

CORR!!!! #TOTP

This is why we can't have nice things. #TOTP

I prefer Lenny Kravitz's older stuff, tbh. #TOTP

"Tappadapaps" #TOTP

Blur are better than Oasis, BTW. #TOTP

Ian Brown is sick to death of being asked when The Stone Roses are going to reform. #TOTP

That Victoria Beckham never gives up.

Stupid thick little bastards

Current Christmas level: Still eating panettone for breakfast.

CAN WE KILL HIM, YET? (This could be about so many people but it is, of course, about Orlistat stain face.)

I'm catching up with Stranger Things S5, and I'm at the point where Nancy and Jonathan are having a heart to heart in a room full of jizz, and they're the most boring pair of characters to have ever graced my TV screen. Make them stop, please. Skip skip skip. #StrangerThings

Such a tender series of moments around the cheese board. They'll need all that energy for the backstabbing that will commence immediately afterwards. #TheTraitors

Not saying the UK property market is fucked but two of the contestants on the biggest show on TV are hoping to afford a deposit if they win. #TheTraitors #traitors

I don't want any of them to win. I want Claudia to take that money and throw it into a fire pit at the end. #TheTraitors

"You have, and always have been, a set of rudderless twunts." #TheTraitors

Rikki Lake. Ask your grandparents. [Checks notes. That's basically me.] #TOTP

Oh god, every fucker in my student halls played this on loop. This was fresher's week fodder for what felt like a year. That and Chocolate Salty Balls by Chef. Edgy eh, ladz? #TOTP