Every time the subject of Jimmy Fallon’s spinelessness comes up, I think of this passage from Tina Fey’s Bossypants

The tweets following the Super Bowl halftime show are going to be so unseasoned. I’m guessing saltier and yet, somehow more bland than the ones following Kendrick’s performance.

Happy birthday to my favorite person.

Spindrift makes a passion fruit, orange and guava flavor which: 1. Is fucking delicious. 2. Is a “thing.” Apparently, it’s called POG and it was created in Hawaii and oh my God, how am I in my 40s before knowing about the existence of something so good?

YES.

Yeah. I’m gonna go ahead and need @shivambhatt.bsky.social to write versions of all of the Hindu epics.

- Death - Taxes - Arsenal releasing a new collection whenever there’s bad news.

Fantasy football is unwashed ass.

Jimmy Kimmel was taken off the air after our government threatened a private company with retaliation, marking a dark moment for free speech in our nation. More than 400 artists across our nation signed on to say: We refuse to be silenced by those in power.

Hey @msmambo.bsky.social - have you seen these yet?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!

Look, it’s bad enough agreeing with Piers Morgan when it comes to Arsenal but agreeing with Tucker Carlson and Turdblossom? PLEASE STOP PUTTING CRAZY PILLS IN MY ICED LATTES.

They are literally canceling culture

We’re not going to let the bastards grind us down and we’re celebrating women and girls because remember, they didn’t burn witches; they burned women. We’re well and truly done with that shit.

Heaven sounds awesome.

Baked eggplant with ricotta, mozzarella, fennel caramelized onions and Calabrian chili paste. Next time, I’m making it on garlic bread with a solid thwack of pesto on it.

I love you so much, Jared Goff.

🎶ARE YOU TOTTENHAM IN DISGUISE?!🎶

Has anyone asked Ja Rule what he thinks about what’s going on?

Have you seen all the….(gestures to everything)? Yeah. Thank God @floridamanmurders.bsky.social is coming back. We need @ceejness.bsky.social, @datrorokid.bsky.social and @chrisjoseph13.bsky.social more than ever.

My fantasy team is a dog dragging its ass on the carpet.

“It is not a radical idea to say that every man, woman and child in America can have a decent standard of living.”

I would very much like to go back to Oregon now.

If I can't move to Los Angeles, can I please move to the Oregon coast and live a happier, healthier life there?

The Tree Hugger at L Dub Subs is so good (get it with the contraband sauce!), I'm legitimately having a hard time focusing on anything that isn't my upcoming lunch right now.

I have now heard Bruce do at least four different versions of "Born In The USA" through recordings/live shows and I just really appreciate how one song can have so many lives

Dear Jaime: You do not NEED a Bret Hart hoodie. You WANT it. There is a difference. This isn’t a “little treat.” Be reasonable. Love: Jaime That Doesn’t Want To Be The Best Dresses Person In The Poorhouse

A man on the streets of the UK is asked about the “problem of immigration” and dismantles talking points with ease.

Sometimes, you just need to make a big pot of spaghetti with herbs and the “good” Parmesan. And then, you need to serve it with roasted zucchini, herbed ricotta and garlic bread…and big glass of jammy Pinot Noir.

Confirmation that frozen dosa are actually delicious. I mean, look - it’s not gonna taste as good as a restaurant and certainly not as good as your amma’s but when you feel like you might straight up die if you don’t get South Indian food, these hit the spot in a pretty legit way.

Beautiful save by Raya

FFS, we have no luck at all with injuries

Just started new RA meds and you know what’s super awesome? Jabbing a SPRING LOADED needle into your stomach every week. Love this for me. Side effects better include lush tresses, a 50 point leap on IQ and a body like Salma Hayek in From Dusk Til Dawn.

My kid and I have started playing Zelda together and yeah…this is a thing that happens.

and people on this app say they don't understand sports while they all try to will a thing into existence like Jets fans every offseason

Post a non religious photo you think of as holy

Shit I Am All About Lately: 1. Tacos with spicy beans, jalapeños and corn. 2. NYX Smushy Lip Balm. It’s made with mochi rice powder and the tint is great. 3. Dosas. Gimme all the South Indian food - chilis, tamarind and coconut. 4. My kid being super stoked about the library.

I don’t know if this is real. I don’t care if it’s real. All I know is that I love it. Wopwopwopwopwopwop fuck ‘em up.

CALAFRIORI SCORES!

One-Nil to the Arsenal!!!

PSA: Aioli in West Palm Beach has an heirloom tomato and ricotta tart now.

What the fuck are you people talking about? What the actual FUCK are you people talking about?

Admittedly, this is a terrible picture but a Dr. Praeger’s California burger with fennel and paprika caramelized onions, habanero jack, fresh jalapeños, lettuce, salted tomato and peanut-chili-garlic chutney on a toasted butter bun is a fantastic dinner. Just needs jalapeño kettle chips and a Coke

Jimmy Eat County

Ahem

Who is playing the Hulk Hogan theme song at Flanny’s? Knock it the fuck off.

1. Photo editor understood the assignment. 2. Motherfucker, why can’t you cook and clean? Also, aren’t you rich? Hire a chef and a housekeeper.