putting a rotisserie chicken on each hand and boxing people at costco

Anyway

Where tf is my trocar

something so foreign about family， like an ill—fitting suit.

one of those family stick figure appliqués for your car window only they’re all hot dogs

Please stick your fingers between the bars of my enclosure PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I promise I wont bite you again.

detective: so you’re just out walking in the woods alone and you stumble on this body? me: yes sir worst thing i ever saw in my life detective: do you mind me asking what you were doing in the woods? me: (inaudible) detective: can you speak up son? we're recording. me: chasing a leprechaun

I 🩷 SLUTTY WAISTS

[interrupting my opponent during rap battle] That’s not grammatically correct

WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON BLUESKY DOT COM .ᐣ.ᐟ

#TheVictorianBookoftheDead A trade card for Margaret Smith, Chaser. Makes & Sells all sorts of Plates for Coffins. Bodleian Library, John Johnson Collection.

Saying "If you go out you might pass out in a drain pipe." Oh, yeah, don't threaten me with a good time!

Hello

one of those cellphone holders on your belt only it’s for your emergency burrito

Me after the first refreshing sip of Dr.Pepper

There are many ways to show someone you care. Be there for them. Craft matching swords and imbue them with old magic. Adventure through the wildlands together, searching for mossy forgotten tombs of the forest gods and the dark secrets hidden within.

This meeting could’ve been a karate match

Sounds about right

After careful consideration I decided not to ☝️ but it looks better now anyway

investigate my hole.

Oh we messed up, guess I gotta go bald

Saw your man getting scooped up and pinned to a styrofoam board for scientific study

Last night's moon peaking through two trees, with a glorious, radiant cloud aura. I look forward to celebrating this full moon cycle🌕🪷 Thanks for looking; I appreciate ya✨️ #Moon #FullMoon #NightGlow

The grammys suck anyway

Garlic bread >>

I am an animal given access to a keyboard and I'm making it everyone's problem

// no I lied actually bc I didn't like the way the thread looked here on bsky

OKAY IM JUST GONNA DROP A BADLY WRITTEN CALLPOUT AND BE DONE BC HONESTLY IM SICK OF THIS FUCKING GUY AND THINKING ABOUT HIM i'll consolidate all of the screenshots of every correspondence i have had with this creep later but he's taken up months of my life so-- docs.google.com/document/d/1...

virgo, the ruler of expansion, is urging you to take on new responsibilities. if you are smart you will listen, even if you don’t like what you hear. it may be true that you are trying too hard, but it’s not as if you have not worked long and hard to reach your current position.

// Something happening maybe soon ish ☝️yes or no

it's funny though. . . he's the one who made me go to nursing school. . . that's how i knew where his femoral artery was.

// Would anybody fw an open rp post in the next little bit maybe...... 😗

Today, I have a LIST and I'm going to sit down and really do it all

i forgive you， father. even though you are a language i do not speak.

Nacho Wizard is the vibe 💪

petting it and by it i mean well let's just say my dog

yeah man

*flicks cigarette butt after taking a long drag* here’s the thing- [there is a massive explosion because i forgot i’m at a gas station]

Thinking about bacon

" death is never the end. "

He just wants to be ''good'' so bad.

i don’t want to get back to you as soon as possible i want to be a gargoyle on an old gothic church

i don’t feel like going down into the crypt tonight i don’t care what lurks there

standing in a shower so hot that it shrinks me and i slip down the drain