forgive me. that's why i did it, honey. i just couldn't watch you suffer. no... that's not true... you also said you didn't want to die. the truth is... i hated you. i wanted you out of the way. i wanted my life back...

prior to this, the concept of 'parents', or 'motherly role', or 'fatherly role' made no sense to something like me.

and i killed my brother. i had to. and i only wish i had washed my hands in the river. the water remembers for so long.

& then he kissed me. he kissed me with all the power he could muster, making up for all the years, months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds our chapped lips hadn't touched. & finally, it felt like my world was no longer burning around me.

but until you can learn to care about yourself, this will only harm the both of us.

□□□ was guided by an angel, the first angel in existence. also created by □□□, this angel was like an older sibling to the sailor boy. the angel betrayed its creator after he killed the sailor boy, and through its sin of murder, this marked the first angel with evil intent.

i’m most dangerous when i’m hungry. i’m most hungry when i’m hurting. seems like i’m always hurting. nothing but teeth. it’s not up to me when i get to stop crying. or hurting.

i'm writing letters to the deceased. they praise my findings. but when they sprout their wings, then i have to hide my fear.

like an obedient dog.

you tried to change, didn't you? closed your mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake..

am i not good? have i not been good enough? is it too late to try again? can i not be better? i want to be good for you. please. i'll be good.

i, i will embrace, embrace your membranes, your bones and keep you cool. then, i will squeeze out, squeeze out your evil, your grim and your woe. transform myself once and for all. sink into the tub. . .

REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!

you love him. the story still ends.

i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; i would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. i would know him in death, at the end of the world.

I wish I could be myself again I wish I could run away But this is my fate, oh so it will say Again and again and again they'll play

i hold a cold rag steady to his knuckles. i think i can love someone who cares enough to bruise for me. he touches his thumb to the corner of my mouth, pulls back my lip to consider my teeth.

i am sorry. i am grateful. i just want us to be friends now, forever. take this bowl of blackberries from the garden. the sun has made them warm. i picked them just for you. i promise i will try to stay on my side of the couch.

you're letting someone else's death haunt you, and killing yourself as an individual.

& then he kissed me. he kissed me with all the power he could muster, making up for all the years, months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds our chapped lips hadn't touched. & finally, it felt like my world was no longer burning around me.

SO IF YOU CAN, PLEASE TAKE THIS PHIAL FROM MY HAND BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND AND LET THE FREAK UPON THIS LAND

i cant take this anymore. im going somewhere better

I wish I could be myself again I wish I could run away But this is my fate, oh so it will say Again and again and again they'll play

am i not good? have i not been good enough? is it too late to try again? can i not be better? i want to be good for you. please. i'll be good.

without you, i can't go on. you're a guiding light, to which i'm drawn. . . when you touch my face, i know i'm gone, your existence is a paragon!

Я вижу тебя, дымка стелется над Розовой дугой предрассветного Далекого, как в детстве, свечения И с наших рук земля осыпается, черная земля осыпается

( angels are terribly scary. i've never truthfully prayed to one before. )

she would say yes, because she was a good soldier. she would do this because it was her duty, but the whole time she would be aflame with resentment, ambition, and hunger.

i fear my anger. so i displace it, attach it to peripheral places or people. i have stifled it so long that i have packed it like dynamite, i have stored it and now it threatens to come out in explosions i fear.

you can find ares in the pooling blood seeping from your bruised knuckles and dripping, dripping, plinking on the bathroom floor.

i can't keep lying to myself, saying i'm going to change. i'm poison. i come from poison. i have poison inside me and i destroy everything i touch. that's my legacy.

hey, look alive. the sun's still beaming.

i love you like a rotten dog. / i love you like my canines are falling out of my gums. like a monster, like a beast. like something not worth loving back.

I ONCE SAW THE FACE OF GOD, A VAST AND SUDDEN SILENCE AMONG THE NOISY HEAVENS. THAT EVENING I DREAMT I LISTENED TO ONE SIDE OF A CONVERSATION I SHOULD NOT HAVE OVERHEARD. I DO NOT WATCH THE SKIES ANY MORE. I DO NOT LOOK UP.

"do you think we're brothers in every universe?" . . . we're brothers?

Crumpled, and thrashed, aspree What else  will  you  take from me?

I guess I'm reborn... I don't want to be. I hate treading these floors, I hate this fever dream!

please, god, be kind to me. this skin is tainted by wasted days, this youth is stolen by aching bones. please, god, i am too young to have these scars.

i will love you 'til your face is blue i will love you 'til your face is blue i will love you 'til your face is blue i will love you 'til your face is blue i will love you 'til your face is blue i will love you 'til your face i—

run back like a dog / to her.

The birds and their tweets The dinner bell seethes Monsters eat me, repeat me Again and again I just want to leave here I want this to end

he was in a private room with unseen eyes all glued to him. to his body. to the way he shook and gasped and sobbed and-

POWER HUNGRY ANIMAL! THAT IS ALL YOU ARE! UNDESERVED AND CRUEL! HE ONLY LOVES YOU LIKE A SHIELD!

you can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. you need to be better! you are all the things that are wrong with you.

I guess I'm reborn... I don't want to be. I hate treading these floors, I hate this fever dream!

dog—boy that licks his own wounds. always has, always will do. dog—boy familiar with the taste of his own blood, with the cleaning of others' blood from where crusted under nails.

you didn't make anything worse, you didn't do anything wrong. you guys mean the world to me and i didn't know how to say that yet. just please, don't call yourself that ever again. you've been holding in a lot, haven't you?

"you're not a monster," i said. but i lied. what i really wanted to say was that a monster is not such a terrible thing to be.

He repeatedly asked me to do this, and to do that, all in an inaudible rasp, until he looked at the woman who wasn't crying and said, "forgive yourself." . . . and then he stopped breathing.

cut me, cut me, please make it deep! if i'm covered in scars, will you look at me ?!