my vocal chords are at like 10% capacity right now so I sound like a dying frog who is also a teenage boy going through puberty it's pretty sexy, I assume

I am remembering one of the things I don't like about sassy little bob which is that it's been 5 min since my last haircut and I already need another one

we all know I have no life, so:

my white blood cells are putting up a good fight but I think they're losing

It’s finally happened. After 18 months. Finally, a media merger you can root for.

my body is currently fighting off some sort of illness that is probably the fault of a 3-5 year-old and I am sitting here CHUGGING orange juice willing it to stream directly into my lymph nodes

it’s a great day for transphobes to eat shit

used to be men knew how to talk to a lady

do we think my partner will still love me if I've eaten all the guacamole by the time he comes home

as always I feel like ONE MORE DAY would be the right amount of weekend

oh nooooo

how does this fucker always know the exact minute I run out of wine and pick THAT MOMENT to become a lap cat so I can’t get up for more

I was at a dog-friendly bar in NW Portland tonight and a table behind me started singing Happy Birthday and then I realized it wasn’t for a person but a really old dog who was wearing a crown and he was old and fucking adorable and I love this city

today a man at a child's bday party told me he liked my dress (a Nooworks) and that it reminded him of "a shop in Salem" and I was like "Modern Millie?" hahahaha my guy don't worry I am all over this one

What is done to the least of us, will be done to all.

WHATS UP YOU WET MOTHERFUCKERS

time to catch up on Summer House omg my body is ready

A shocking new poll result: Many Americans somehow don't have a favorite dinosaur. And only 6% give the correct answer (triceratops). Check out YouGov's new polling on Americans and dinosaurs: yougovamerica.substack.com/p/whats-your...

I tried to scritch Blueberry's little chin the same way I saw Becca do in her videos while she was catsitting and he DID NOT LIKE IT so I guess @ginthusiastic.bsky.social has to come back now, Blueberry needs New Mom

Blame @paulhanna.bsky.social for this one.

I had a vision of diligently unpacking my suitcase tonight but the jetlag is hitting and now my vision is more about laying on the couch.

the cats are very emotional about our return to Boston Brucie marched out of the bedroom to SCREAM at my partner, and Blueberry is sulking

Hello, Bluesky! We, the staff of Scientific American, are pleased to announce we have formed a union with @wgaeast.bsky.social. Just as mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell, we are the powerhouse of the publication, and we’re excited to have a new way to contribute to its success.

this is the longest I’ve gone without a glass of wine since I got to Napa 8 days ago but don’t worry fam I got the classic Bloody Mary/tatchos combo at the airport bar

I’ve been inflicting my music on my partner as he drives me around California and he thinks this might be the first time he’s ever listened to Semi-Charmed Life so I am documenting the occasion.

when there’s 10 people gathered around the taco truck and you’re the only ones who don’t speak Spanish I feel like that is a good sign

LORD, I'VE SEEN WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR OTHERS,,

I could get used to this winery lifestyle

5 years of Prince eggs. This year is the black crop top suit from the 1986 Parade tour.

Keith Haring, Bunny On The Run, 1986

guys I am being 100% for real right now, DJ Pauly D from Jersey Shore is on our flight

flight cancelled/rebooked for two hours later means I woke up at 4:30 for nothing except an adrenaline attack

I have packed 4 pairs of sunglasses for my 8-day trip. How many books do I pack??

Happy Easter!

instead of getting stressed by all the things I have left to do before my flight I am having a glass of wine and staring into the void

friday night spaghetti heist

At Kennedy Space Center astronauts have to take elevators to the top of launch pad towers in order to enter their space capsules before lift off. This is the elevator panel at Pad 39A.

I'm having a bad day and I think I accidentally made a 1-gin shot martini instead of my standard 2-gin shot martini so the day is not getting BETTER necessarily

Great news out of Georgia! ALL of the 15 anti-LGBTQ+ bills have died as the Georgia legislative session comes to a close. This was only possible with intense efforts from local LGBTQ+ activists. Subscribe to support our journalism.

real housewies of rhode island let's goooooo

we gotta send so many guys to the Hague

HASTINGS: I say, Poirot, this vial’s labeled “hyaluronic acid”! Is it a poison? SKINCARE HERCULE POIROT: Non, mon ami. This acid, it replenishes the skin’s barrier naturale HASTINGS: So this is a gal who takes care of her skin. SKINCARE HERCULE POIROT: *irritated* The gentleman may use it as well

This is so cool. From 2015: Italian astronaut Samantha Cristoforetti has an espresso on the International Space Station while wearing a Star Trek DS9 uniform.

what kinds of snacks do they have up there

ahhhh looks like the old Pretend To Be A Famous 193-Year-Old Tortoise's Veterinarian And Say He Died And Then Solicit Crypto Donations Through Social Media scam i've seen it a million times

I would go to the moon tbh

what universe is this where Kyle Cook is the voice of reason (this is a Summer House skeet, 97% of you can ignore)

good morning to the man reading a Warcraft paperback on the green line and to this man only

almost got in a bar fight with a woman from Dallas, just a casual Tuesday night no big deal