omg imagine being autistic *and* dutch

Couple about to sign divorce papers… WOMAN: I wish I'd never joined that Star Wars dating app MAN: You were looking for love in Alderaan places WOMAN: And I wish I'd never married a guy addicted to Star Wars puns MAN: It was a wookie mistake WOMAN: Just sign it MAN, SIGNING: May divorce be with you

getting quite used to cake for brekkers

exciting dream where we had to kill Michael Fassbender because he stiffed me over an assassination contract the method of his murder my my elbow screwed into his ear until his skull collapsed under the pressure 🤷‍♂️

Reform are on C4 News and seem to have sent, in lieu of a spokesperson, a bottle of 19 Crimes wine

o no

what are these please? they were having a right old time of it

Not now, strange under-ice structures that made an unmanned submarine go silent after traveling underwater roughly ten miles towards the ice shelf’s center

after a couple of weary drizzly days Galicia really turned on the charm and I got the pep back in my step

what are these please? they were having a right old time of it

Andy Burnham, every day:

monday

if you see this post a tree

let’s just say I have joined the bear community

Middlemarch bingo

last hundy

BANDITS!

Everything okay babe, you haven’t been given an award for Adolescence for five days now.

it’s me and a group of young Americans in my dorm tonight

forgot I saw a robin earlier

ee I’ve had a right nice sandwich on right crusty pan

YOU WOULDNT BURN A HAM

see your girlfriend’s on the Camino

esconced aren’t I

Based on the layout I think we're supposed to imagine this is a poem Based on the replies we're supposed to imagine this is also good advice It's neither

trees are natures umbrellas (turns out)

Battling PM Crust Ahead

WES TREATING YOU TO A NEW TRY MINISTER MORE LIKE

a cold misty downbeat introspective quite relentlessly farty walk so far this morning

were you ever even an English schoolboy if on seeing the European chocolate brand milka you don’t mime squeezing milk out of your giant imaginary boobs and going “milka milka”

IN GALICIA

This probably wasn't worth it

I’m baffled as to who Streeting is supposed to appeal to. The Reform deserters won’t like him. And the voters that have defected to the Greens can’t stand him either. Does ANYONE like him? It does seem a bad position to start from.

lean mean strollin machine

Wes Streeting is a Tory. Pass it on.

up the arse corner

“Sure deck your limbs in navy suits; Yours are the limbs, my Streeting. You look divine as you advance – Have you seen yourself retreating?” ― (with apols to) Ogden Nash

oh no please don't make the internet's sweetheart Wes Streeting sad

I LIKE THE MOUNTAINS

big climb into Galicia today currently sipping an americano at number 3

I have to say, they really do go well with the second floor.

ITS BREAD TIME LETS HAVE A BREAD

Loving these jokes about turning up at Downing St with some cans and fried chicken, it's funny cos it references the erratic behaviour of an addict shortly before the suicide of his murderer friend

what a day

Jess Phillips mercenary cow

STREETING OUT

OTE PABOUR

il fucking pleut loads and the bolsa is heavy on the old shoulders the day entonces:

you have to admit that this is very, very funny