Watched the first episode of the new series of slow horses and it feels like there was no need to make a new series.

Am I still refusing to put the heating on? Yes Am I wearing a thermal vest? Also yes.

Just eaten a microwave curry from Lidl. I've had better curries on airplanes. #ChrisReviewsFood

I thought this was Tilda Swinton for a second

Ignored the kitchen tap whistling and pissing out water for 5 minutes because I've got a Tom Waits album on and I thought it was part of the song 🤦‍♂️

ruin a book with a car The Vauxhall Carlton in the Rye

I support the spirit of this, but the "Mediterranean" colour of the Thames here is a lol.

Michael Portillo's travel programmes. Botanical gardens. Money.

Everything reminds me of Alien: Earth

What movie do you consider to be 'perfect'?

A decision was made here

Went to Kew Gardens today. Absolutely disgusting. They could have put a pair of trousers on it.

My dad had a cassette called Shunting The Yard. A 90-minute recording of train engines moving things around in railway sidings. 😬

is it Earth

Only one episode left of Alien Earth

Wake up Babe, a new euphemism for students getting drunk just dropped

I am renewing my wedding vows to Alien: Earth

It's only just occurred to me that Curb Your Enthusiasm is an American remake of One Foot In The Grave.

Antiques Road Trip always follows the same formula: Item in antiques shop is £100 Shop agrees to sell it to contestant for £50 Contestant sells it at auction for £5 Starmer must launch an inquiry into how much of the tv licence fee is funding the antiques industry.

Earth

Just got back from the school run and I can confirm that every single road user - apart from me - is an absolute cunt. Especially taxi drivers and people in new Range Rovers. Especially the people in new Range Rovers.

Referring to my cardigan as my big woolly. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Supermarkets have fruit and bread by the door, so it's the first thing you put in your basket and it gets squashed by the rest of the shopping.

Absolutely disgusting that the dinner wasn't attended by Birmingham Council binmen and everyone involved with Adolescence.

"One's fingers resemble Spicy Tomato Wotsits."

I know it's not cool to dunk on things that other people like but I *hate* made-up fesshole (they're almost all made up) and I don't understand why people like it.

I keep saying it but nobody has ever looked more like they will die before the average life expectancy.

Sometimes it's nice to remember that even Marcus Aurelius was like "you don't have to comment on everything bro"

Tweet of the day

A very slow handclap to all of you who were moaning, during the 3 weeks that we had summer weather, that it was *checks notes* too nice and warm.

It's only Avril Lavigne wine if it's from the Sk8er Boideaux region of France

A thrash metal musical about life inside the UK Treasury (1997-2007) called System of a Brown.

FIve pleasures in life: Spicy Tomato Wotsits The Meg Good whisky Alien Earth When an annoying kid running around inside a pub absolutely smashes their face into the corner of a table

There are not enough Alan Partridge shrugging gifs for when Eurovision is mentioned, especially in a political context.

This is it, the clickbait winner for 2025, no chance of this being beaten. Absolute must to click this - brilliant, world class, if only there were clickbait awards. 🏆

I don't want to be a party pooper but members will be voting on an approved list of names for that Corbyn/Sultana thing, so your boyfriend's Party McPartyface posts aren't very funny.

He looks like someone asked AI to show Gene Wilder playing The Terminator.

Lots of people today put a jumper on before leaving the house and went on to regret that decision.

Calling it now.

Rewatching Hannibal (TV series) because it is better than all of the Silence of the Lambs movie sequels/prequels

For a second I thought the BBC had rebooted the 1990 sitcom Heil Honey I'm Home.

Wake up babe. New Right Said Fred version of "We Didn't Start The Fire" has just dropped.

Just put an egg in a tomato and you will be amazed

Daughter is drawing people on the train.

September is the most difficult month for dads because we cannot put the heating on until at least 1 October regardless of the temperature.

I can tell what time of day it is by what my upstairs neighbours are watching on their TV.

Doing the kids' laundry and a pair of my ex's pants is in there.

I think I'll watch Weapons. Then maybe Meg 2: The Trench. I need two positives after last night's negative (28 Years Later).