My nipples are bleeding. #nipples #bleeding

I met Annie Lennox today. She said she took up lambing a couple of years ago, but her heart's not in it any more. No more "I love ewes".

Oh fuck off www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

This is the worst song that's ever been written about a Korean bodega. #totp

Everyone in the audience looks like her stalker. #totp

Potatoes. #totp

Finally blocked Fesshole. It has the same energy as that guy in the pub who pretends he was in the SAS.

Not wishing to sound like my Father in 1979 . But this is fucking shite #totp

What a steaming pile of horse shit #totp

This is just a noise. #totp

Heard that your boyfriend took the day off work to post jokes about Uranus on parade. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Keep saying this, but in a few years CEOs are going to be wondering why unemployed people can't afford to buy their products. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Sappy Meal

"Gorton & Denton. A grisled detective (Gorton) reluctantly takes in a dying friend's dog (Denton). Together they solve crimes. In the north."

I have absolutely no idea where Gorton and Denton is. #geography

Morning people mourning people. #joiningin

I think you should know that I got sunburnt today (25 February) in England.

People who walk three abreast on the pavement and expect you to vanish into thin air when they get to you. #names

I've started watching something called Line of Duty, I don't know if you've heard of it.

Bring back naming men Chips.

Who called them Bluesky bots and not artificial bleeteners.

This is just what Big Pants wants us to think.

"This is democracy manifest. Sir, get your hands off my penis."

Then Norma would do a motion to indicate a large fish, then she would move her arms to signify a new, smaller fish. Finally, she would make her hands move around a shape not dissimilar to a medium sized, square cardboard box. Like this…

”My bone chair is made from over 200 human bones, but it you think about it, a human is also made from over 200 human bones…”

Calendar Girls is on, if you're a sicko.

No bunga bunga at the Italian Olympics this year because of woke.

Jesus on the third day

When men were men

It's all going arse over tot. #thefootball #banter #joiningin

Sunday

Winter Olympics timeline Day 1: This curling looks fun Day 10: Loving the curling Day 15: I am so fucking sick of curling

My granddad and his friends would've killed those penguins with hammers I can tell you that much. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Don't go to the USA.

Ah yeah, remember the good old days when the only way into the 24-hour butcher's was via a trapdoor in the miniature phone box?

Fenton 2: Olympic Boogaloo

I need to run 10 miles either today or tomorrow. Guess which option I'm going for, which I will hate myself for tomorrow.

My Facebook Marketplace algorithm is screwed.

Just saw your boyfriend at the bus stop with both of his phones. He was using one to contribute to Fesshole and the other to contribute to Anon Opinion.

I don’t know how he had the time, what with presenting Location, Location, Location and voice work for Wickes adverts.

I annoyed another driver so much this evening that he stuck his entire head out of the window to shout at me. Yes he was in a BMW. Yes he was bald. We need to deport all white bald male BMW drivers until we figure out what the hell is going on.

Evening 🫡 #TOTP

As the Olympics are in Italy, I'd use Shaddap You Face by Joe Dolce and I'd be going 🤌 to the judges the whole time.

Any chance to repost this classic Busta Rhymes moment

That reminds me - when is the second series of Alien Earth? www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Ordered something from Sports Direct yesterday. So far I've received about 40 emails from them and Evri. Surely nobody needs this.

I actually find medal winners talking about how great they are quite obnoxious.

Happy English New Year