Tonight we congratulate our friend Stephen Colbert and his writers, staff and crew for eleven years of excellence. Watch Colbert’s finale tonight, and then never watch CBS again.

Happy “Last Time I Watch CBS Day” to those who celebrate.

Jazz hands!

I bet no one believed it was real.... for years.

This is amazing - @kevinolearytv 🤡 is fearmongering about Chinese agents opposing his giant Utah data center… but it’s 2 young local girls in Utah who hilariously call him (and his “dumbass hat”) out👇🏽 Full: www.instagram.com/reel/DYU074V...

They live, we scroll.

DEAR RESTAURANTS: Your servers are not volunteers. If you can't afford to pay them more than 2.13% of what you charge, you can't afford to run a business. Thank you!

Why he needs a ballroom.

You put all those spots on him? Hunh.

Pedo Pascal

Same energy:

Every single living creature on Earth is completely at our mercy. It would be nice if we had some. www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/c...

Well now I’m bummed out about the Chinese Paddlefish

"Is.. is that how people see me? I mean, I knew I could lose a few pounds, but..."

King Charles Pissed all over trump And trump never even noticed...straight over trumps head..Gormless boorish Oaf If trump were twice as smart as he is now he might make the list for Village Idiot Depending on the size of the village www.cbc.ca/news/politic...

He shot him just to watch him read.

Everybody Get Down He's Got A Gun Leavitt

Obviously one’s first instinct is to point out that Bill the Butcher is the villain but let’s not forget the detail that he is literally in a cuck chair in this scene

The winning metaphor is that the White House Correspondents Association hired a magician instead of a comedian. Sleight of hand over speaking truth to power.

Important to remember that he's not the first president to want more Ballroom americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/pre...

93 Candles 🎂 today for one of my favourite entertainers & people — CAROL BURNETT. Amongst others she’s received 7 Golden Globes, a Grammy, 7 Emmy’s, 12 People's Choice Awards, 2 Peabody’s & a Tony.

Presumably, not in that order.

I love that before tearing them apart, they point the fish's head into the wind and he gets to go on one last little ride.

A great deal of the ocean's biodiversity is concentrated in coral reefs. Scientists warn that at 1.5C of global warming, up to 90% of coral reefs could be lost. Ninety percent! And 1.5C is not lingering in the distance – it’s extremely close. No pay wall.

Whale of Fortune!

RFK Jr.: ‘The President Having Sex With Children Is Fine From A Purely Nutritional Standpoint’

Last month in The Onion:

Full on saw cat ears for, like, 40 seconds.

In space... no one can hear you spread.

Congratulation to Astronaut Christina Koch to be the first woman in history to get that far away from dangerous sexual predator Donald Trump.

and as a dagger to trump he said it with that perfect head of hair

hear me out... what if the words are just... 'hear me out'?

SIGN: Urge Mexico to Ban Cruel Octopus Farming ladyfreethinker.org/sign-urge-me...

Bondi: ‘My Only Regret Is Not Being Able To Re-Traumatize More Victims’

Agreed!

Looks like there's no spellcheck in the future. Dude went back eighty years with a typo on the bloodline deletion paperwork.

"She hold the camera while I do my action figure reviews!"

He should rename Mar-a-Lago 'Disgraceland'.

Column: The "God Squad" says it's okay if the offshore oil industry wipes out two dozen species in the Gulf. My latest column for the @floridaphoenix.com also features shout-outs to the Suicide Squad, Tiger Woods and Shakespeare. floridaphoenix.com/2026/04/02/g...

He is risen! www.usatoday.com/story/news/w...

Uncanny

OMG, the painter was INVISIBLE the whole time!

WATCH: Trump’s ashamed ICE goons run from cameras at the airport (where they are doing nothing), appropriately set to Benny Hill music

Zoo Hosts Contest To Name Baby Of Pregnant Gift Shop Worker https://theonion.com/zoo-hosts-contest-to-name-baby-of-pregnant-gift-shop-wo-1819578686/

Happy #WorldFrogDay!🐸

Oh no.. Miss Piggy got Mar-a-Lago face!

If only there was a word for how unbelievable this news is!

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

So sad 📉 - they're just gone. www.dailykos.com/stories/2026...

What if the curse wasn't turning the prince into a frog, but having him end up married to that intolerable bitch princess?