Warlock: "I rolled a 21 to hit the Mimic." Me: "You hit the Mimic right in the chest." #D&D

Cool story but when are we going to afford beef again?

My #D&D players found a magic item, and I decided that I wanted to write a little lore blurb about it for them to read, as a little extra backstory. 12 chapters later, I've realized that I might be getting a little carried away.

There's something mildly surreal about using a wet wipe to clean your own blood off of a high schooler's hands after he's done kicking your ass. Ah, the joys of working in special education.

It's 9/11 eve, don't forget to leave milk and cookies out for George W. Bush tonight.

Charlie Kirk once said that "empathy is a made up, new age term that does a lot of damage." Therefore, I believe that the most respectful way to honor his death is by not giving a single fuck.

Both of the co-founders of Turning Point USA died from things that were preventable, but which they mocked and urged this nation to ignore. Bill Montgomery was killed in 2020 by COVID and Charlie Kirk was killed in 2025 by gun violence.

It's hard not to feel hopeless about the world lately.

This is a spicy spam and rice snack from a convenience store. It is also the name of my next D&D character.

One like and I'll TPK my #Starfinder players tonight.

The last time the whole world prayed this hard for one man's demise, he ended up shooting himself in an underground shelter in Berlin.

I love working with kids, but I hate that constantly being sick is just a normal part of it. I JUST got over Covid a couple weeks ago (for the eighth time!) and now I have a damn cold.

My D&D games keep getting canceled because people keep getting sick. I blame RFK Jr. He's ruining D&D.

Stratocracy - rule by military leaders Technocracy - rule by the most technically qualified Theocracy - rule by religion But is there a term for a form of government where power is held by the kindest and most compassionate?

Boss: "Can I see you in my office?" Me: (wearing a ninja costume) "You can try."

I know people are excited about the idea of Gavin Newsom running for president, but hear me out: instead of that, he could become the FIRST president of the independent nation of California. #CalExit

Try to imagine a 100% heterosexual vampire. It's weird, right? Like, imagine spending all of eternity just being straight.

Stephen Miller Tears Up As Son Says First 14 Words

The label on my pants may say relaxed straight, but deep down, I am anxious bisexual.

If more Dems were as savage as our governor, we might not be in the mess we're in.

Does the sound of birds singing make cats hungry? Like, imagine hearing the sizzling of hamburger patties outside your window at all hours.

"If you refuse to debate with Trump supporters, it's because you don't have any decent arguments," is a lot like saying "If you refuse to dive into raw sewage, it's because you can't swim."

D&D tip: most racists are vulnerable to psychic damage. #D&D #TTRPG

That was weird. A man just appeared in my living room who looked like a slightly older version of me. He said "Hey, I'm you from the future. Just so you know, Ghislaine Maxwell didn't kill herself." Then he disappeared in a flash of light. I wonder what that means.

The sad truth is that Trump's cultists likely wouldn't care that he's on the Epstein list. We've had definitive proof that Trump is a pedophile since 2005 - the Howard Stern teen beauty pageant interview. That should have ended his entire career back then. They just don't care.

If you'll believe that Epstein killed himself, I have some lovely ocean-front property in Nebraska to sell you.

Does anyone know what Canada's immigration process is for the immigration of an entire U.S. state? I'm asking on behalf of 39 million Californians.

Who knew? Who knew.

No “President” has a right to strip citizenship and deport people who challenge his policies. That’s fascism, not America.

Imagine this is you. You’re locked in a cell thousands of miles from home. No one knows where you are. No charges. No trial. No end in sight.

Why should the beautiful state of California - the 4th strongest economy in the world - keep itself shackled to the rotting husk of a dying empire? There's only one independence day I want to celebrate, and it isn't tomorrow. But hopefully it will be soon. #CalExit

As an American, what the fuck is even worth celebrating tomorrow?

Alligator Auschwitz has already flooded. I suspect that this isn't a bug - it's a feature. Knee-deep swamp water and swarms of mosquitos are probably part of the original concept. As always, the cruelty is the point.

With the completion of Alligator Auschwitz, and I.C.E. now receiving more funding than the militaries of most nations, the New Holocaust is in full swing. If God is real, he fucking hates us all.

After last night's game ended and all of the other players left, my DM looked at me with stress in his eyes and said "You guys are gonna die next session." We're low on health, out of spell slots, and can't stop to rest, going down into an evil temple. Bring it on. #D&D #TTRPG

At the start of today's session my DM says "If you survive the next encounter, you'll level up." TF you mean "if"? Sure enough, we're 15 minutes in and the barbarian is already making death saves. I'm scared y'all. #D&D #TTRPG

I heard they're calling Trump's "ceasefire" Operation Stormy, because it only lasted 2 minutes.

Brownshirt ICE rolled up to my local Home Depot today and got the F-off treatment. Shoutout to this woman because this is exactly how it’s done. No badge, face covered = F*ck all the way off. 📌 It’s on us citizens to stand up for our vulnerable brothers and sisters.

Who did this? 😂

Those who voted for Trump should go enlist right now and die in Iran. Leave the rest of us the fuck out of YOUR war.

AOC: “It is absolutely and clearly grounds for impeachment.”