on the plus side now i can bring $300 of groceries inside with one hand

American life is a total fucking scam. Embrace it. Scam America back.

You can do anything you set your mind to, you stupid motherfucker.

Son, someday all this (motions towards a cold pitiless world bereft of justice) will be yours

MAGA: WE'RE GONNA MAKE THE LIBS CRY Libs: *not crying* MAGA: grok make her cry

This is a cool app to hear third rate dick jokes while the world burns.

I love Pink Floyd but a 9 part song that clocks in at 16 minutes? C’mon bruh

They’re really worked up about that Cracker Barrel thing.

war plans in bio

Men will call themselves “alpha” rather than go to therapy.

Just Married

It's here! The new Dana Gould Hour podcast, with author Samm Deighan (Revolution in 35mm) as well as Golden Turkey Awards author Harry Medved & screenwriter Bennet Yellin (Dumb & Dumber). True Tales From Weirdsville begins a multi-part series on the career of the late, great David Lynch.

They want us distracted, divided, and doom-scrolling. Joke’s on them—we’re organizing, uniting, and registering to vote. Nice try, MAGA. 😏 Stay Woke! Stay Active!

I’m starting a band called Rich Cunts with Money

DEI is D.B. Cooper

NEVER MIND YOUR VERIFIABLE FACTS THESE ARE MY IRRATIONAL BELIEFS

"What should we call ourselves?" How about 22 pilots? "Idk. Seems like an awful lot of pilots" 21 pilots? "Omg"

the unraveling states of america

Me: [angrily flipping over table] YOU CHEATING LITTLE SHIT Daughter: once again, how does one cheat at hungry hungry hippos

If you’re not mad about the resurgence of Nazis. Then I’d have to say you were an idiot or a Nazi, both pretty bad options.

Really hoping to be mauled by a robot dog.

Tucker Carlson has a son named Buckley Carlson because of course he fucking does.

Imagine being stupid enough to think that immigrants and not the super wealthy are the source of your economic problems. It’s a great time in America to be a fucking rube.

Who does the current system ignore, criminalize, & kill? Who fighting for things to change & who fighting for things to stay the same? Who’s only motive is profit? Why caste? Why race? Why gender? Who cultivates the soil? Who sells guns to gangs? Who brings fish to market? Who listens to music?

Who’s more beholden to their donors and stockholders than their constituents, patients, and clients? Who’s dead on arrival? If we know it’s divide & conquer why we so divided? Who said trans-rights ain’t human rights? What you scared of? Why wouldn’t we care for the disabled ?

push state and corporate narratives? Why they don’t let the teachers do their job? Why don’t they pay them? Why people think it’s impossible to change things? Who scared them into powerlessness? Who condones genocide? Who’s complicit in genocide? Who’s carrying out a genocide?

Why no bullet-trains in the US ? Why they building railroads through Congo? Why they so scared of getting sick? Why they make so many shows about hospitals? Who give a fuck about the police ? Why journalists

Where is the gold? Who’s growing grains? Whos allowed to join BRICS? Who’s got gas? Who tapped the untapped? What fracking got to do with it? How about quartz? How about semi-conductors? Who manufacture the micro-chips? Who bury the dead? Who care what the UN say? Who veto don’t count?

Why the French government ain’t listen to the people? Why the British & Germans so intent on helping the Israelis? Why the UAE keep sending weapons to the RSF in Sudan? Who’s carving out a map of a new Middle East? Who says the green economy really green? Where is the lithium? Where is the coltan?

Y’all paying attention to the Congo? Ukraine? NATO? The EU? Y’all paying attention to Venezuela? Cuba? Puerto Rico? HAITI?? Kenya? Nigeria? Why are so many of the mining companies based in Canada? Why they panicking over a murdered CEO in the US? Why are professors suspended for thought crimes?

Y’all paying attention to South Korea? Y’all paying attention to Sudan? Y’all paying attention to Syria? Y’all paying attention to the impunity of Israel? The genocide in Gaza? The escalation in the West Bank? Y’all paying attention to the Sahel? Burkina Faso?Niger? Chad? Senegal?