Naming my sports team the “Oklahoma City Bombers” and being shocked as the crowd pelts me with fruit

two days after Trump supposedly entered into a ceasefire agreement against Netanyahu's wishes...

ran into your girl at the aquarium

KANSAS CITY ROYALS GENERAL MANAGER: did you get the mockups of the new City Connect uniform done? GRAPHIC DESIGNER: sure did boss, real fuckin bisexual just like you asked GM: what

happy anniversary! 🥳

"you ever get bioengineered pig cum in your eye Gabriel? hmm?"

this next dedication goes out to Pam in Washington...

"Ms. Bondi, if you could just have a seat for a minute the President will be right with you to discuss your pay raise"

the only appropriate response to that speech:

introducing myself to all the Czech Republic fans in Atlanta for their World Cup match:

that's the last time I ever go bowling with Kristi Noem's husband

Sources tell me Olaf is stable Please God

literally any other mode of transport is preferable to spending a single minute aboard a CRJ-200

dropping bombs on an ambulance like his name is Benjamin Netanyahu

give Sean Penn's Oscar to Druski instead

nobody: Chappell Roan:

my reaction to this song

Happy St. Patrick's Day, New York.

happy St. Patrick's day!

“No to war and Free Palestine.” — Javier Bardem while presenting at the #Oscars .

sorry Timmy...maybe you can get another Oscar nom playing an opera singer or a ballet dancer....

Javier Bardem at the Oscars: No to war, and free Palestine.

MICHAEL BEST ACTOR JORDAN!!!!!!!

Jesus when he comes back to Earth:

meh. should have been Delroy or Stellan

Mr. Put That Sh!t On

in 1999 Amy & Ed Harris refused to applaud director Elia Kazan for his honorary Oscar. he had named names to HUAC during the Red Scare and many Hollywood professionals were driven out of the business bc of supposed communist sympathies. queen.

Liverpool...

My Ides of March fun fact is that the place where Caesar was stabbed is now a cat sanctuary, and I think it’s beautiful that creatures with tiny knives on their feet live there

me and the Shahed drone targeted for Palantir HQ

"Israel" is the name of his call boy who lives in a Dupont Circle penthouse paid for with SuperPAC money

basically the whole cast & crew of Heated Rivalry:

Happy women’s day

the way this is literally me

international women’s day

LOL - dashare.zone ADMIN

If you're at the airport and Kristi Noem is doing the ominous little message from the TSA screens, you no longer have to do anything she says. Leave your laptop in the case, whatever.

Sen. Markwayne Mullin has died of taking a standardized third grade reading level test. He is expected to be replaced at the Department of Homeland Security by two stray dogs humping.

I'm reminded of the quote that is often attributed to Cee-Lo Green that states "Fuck You"

Markwayne is actually a noble title, and is the Oklahoma equivalent to "Marquis," and may be passed on at the same time your father gives you his car dealership

goddammit Luis Suarez, you finally had the chance to bite someone who deserves it...

she'll love her new corner office at "Shield of the Americas" HQ

who tf names their kid Markwayne? could their parents not agree on Mark or Wayne?