A serious country would be threatening this man's life every week, be for real

The last thing a bottle of cool blue gatorade sees before death

Lo-fi beats to trip up self-righteous DAs

Legitimately crying at how funny this is. I am EXTREMELY excited about the possibility that Shaq and Chuck are about to learn about I Think You Should Leave. I would pay $1,000 dollars to watch them watch "Coffin Flop" live.

This is a Playstation ad

Do you have stairs in your house?

Ordering my $25 meal from the future then driving my garbage-mobile down hole street

Pick a bond villain from the photos you already have on your phone

Even if AI datacenters ran on urine, there would inevitably be a crazy story about tech guys getting caught stealing piss from hospital labs or something

Haven't been this pissed about a bad beat since Balatro, but still highly recommend Clover Pit to anyone that wants something else to make you insane

I miss the days of weird little desktop software toys, so I made this video about The Simpsons Screen Saver collection from 1994. My favorite is "Homer Eats," where Homer walks around your desktop eating icons. Watch here: youtu.be/yhq2Bym5kTY (If you enjoy it, a like or a share goes a long way!)

Naperville

Genuinely curious if this was the inspiration for the scene in Silicon Valley with Russ putting his tequila bottle down on a keyboard

Gassing up the Defect for one more ascension run, this spire ain't going to slay itself...

Best film adaptation of The Odyssey, wrong answers only

This has to be the funniest question AND response I've ever seen in a poll. Less than half of Republican men think they could beat Trump in a fight. What a bunch of pathetic losers.

It has been five months since the United States has admitted a refugee.

'obtained by the AP' this phrase means someone had to do the dogged work of lifting lies from a press release and gently guiding them to copy. Once again, the AP has hoisted its deft hand of neutral editorial assurance and heralded the truth of what has happened in this very organic situation.

“Two down, top left, that’s all you baby,” said Jeremy Weinrib, who urged Ora to pop a bottle of champagne in celebration of her description as “Competition TV judge songstress Rita.”

Christ on a bike, there's a massive loan delinquency issue NOW

Everything about our Iran War being conducted by a party that can only lie, complain and punish feels like an overly elaborate exploration of @veryimportant.lawyer's theory that Everyone Is 12 Now.

I'm stoned a lot so 420 isn't particularly different, but it's funny to watch various retailers/restaurants fumble over weed marketing every year

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

The IRS really didn't like that I paid my taxes in physical copies of the Melania movie, sorry chumps the tax court is just an empty bankers box now

Disney's new CEO, whose pay package is worth nearly $45M, just announced 1,000 layoffs. Reminder that Disney paid an effective federal income tax rate of ZERO in 2025 and aims to buy back $7B of its own stock in 2026. This is what corporate greed looks like.

Quote post with something good that lasted longer than the Confederacy (1861-1865) Beakman's World (1992-1997)

see you tried to add other toppings. just eat the pepperoni $5 hot and ready

Zoos should have a 'dumb apes' exhibit that makes you go through a long, winding obstacle course with traps and hidden water guns. At the end there's a big observation room where you get to control the traps and watch.

we cannot live this way.

The US media can just pull up a marine traffic map and verify that nothing is really moving through the Strait, but they won't. They're just going to read Trump's posts and continue giving CPR to his dead economy.

There's no rule that says a US president can't get ABSOLUTELY dogwalked on the international stage. It's happened before, it may happen today, it could happen tomorrow, it's happening right now.

Unless they're planning to throw their shoes at him, no one's attire is changing shit

Up late, hiding shit from my family... Eggs, candy, things of that nature

I think that Madden is one of the greatest antitrust failures in history

My wife: You know it's probably not that bi- Running out the door: I SAID I'll BE RIGHT BACK!

All but three (!) of the 1,651 refugees admitted into the United States in the three most recent months we have data are white South Africans. For comparison, in 2024, the U.S. admitted 100,060 refugees. It's an explicit white supremacist project. www.rpc.state.gov/documents/Re...

McDonalds dropping their value menu this month means EXACTLY what it did in 2010

The US conservative movement has established an informal nationwide network whereby, if you do something horrible or crude or violent or racist,& face some accountability ... they will crowdfund for you & make you rich. Very explicitly encouraging & rewarding shitty anti-social behavior.

Favorite tweets are going around... So I have to share my favorite from @freddelicious.bsky.social I still randomly crack up just thinking about the last image

Today, Israel is killing children again, like they do every day. Along with racist apartheid laws to execute Palestinians only. Don't stop taking action. Do all you can. Free Palestine. 🇵🇸

Funniest possible outcome: Evanston Mayor Kat Abughazaleh

People like shows like Kitchen Nightmares and Undercover Boss bc we're starving for someone to come to work and chew our bosses out which is why I'm pitching Undercover OSHA and Undercover NLRB to HBO, who might give me enough of a budget to actually fund those departments of government properly

Happy Trans Day of Visibility to my trans friends and the entire community 🏳️‍⚧️

Israel has passed the death penalty solely for Palestinians, enforced through military courts with a 96% conviction rate. Israeli Minister Ben Gvir popped champagne. The Israeli government is raising a toast to genocidal apartheid. The UK government is arming and funding it.

Israel is an apartheid ethnostate and this is terrorism and an escalation of genocide

Executives and upper management of companies that own or lease data center space should be forced to work in... no live in them.

this is how you know it's really over for the ai scam: when jason calacanis declares that AGI is actually already here