Of course, he's a Spurs fan. No wonder his lyrics are always so miserable.

Only Manchester City have scored more goals from open play than Arsenal in the Premier League this season.

Imagine you work your fingers to the bone as a ballboy and some idiot comes along and undoes all your hard work. Fuming.

Yes it is all in our heads

“OK, people are scared of crypto. So we need our new platform to be associated with a rock-solid, dependable institution which will absolutely not fall to bits at the last minute. Got any ideas?”

Slot: "I don’t know Martinelli but he comes across as a nice guy. The problem for him and in general is there’s so much time wasting and players pretending they’re injured that you can be annoyed... I'm 100% sure that if [Martinelli] knew what the injury might be, he wouldn't do that."

My kingdom for Arsenal dot com remembering my login for longer than a day.

Somebody should tell James Cameron the world doesn't need anymore frigging Avatar movies.

If yer angry about the whistle at 96:16, you'll have to show me where the first six minutes came from.

So Arsenal have accumulated 5.08 npxG in the last three. And those specific npxG have resulted in 0 goals. But we have scored 4 goals. Which were from a combined 0.0 npxG. I hope this email finds you well.

Last year my parents resolved the Abilene paradox in our marriage. After 7 years we all had Xmas together and I roasted a turkey. They asked why. I said my husband and the kids like it. They all said they were enduring it for me. We all hate turkey. This year we're having lamb.

The most obvious red card you’ll see. Caicedo tried to play it off by faking injury, but he’s gone in with excessive force and crunched Merino right on the ankle - get him gone.

If you're traveling by train, buy some fucking headphones. I don't want to listen to your shitty music, hear a crappy American comedy, or listen to a conversation with your significant other who's a bigger twat than you.

Slowing that down to 1 frame per second is making that dive look like a pen. It’s absolutely a dive.

It is now 1,000 days since Manchester City were charged by the Premier League.

Ohhhhhhh The grand old Duke of York He borrowed 12 million quid He gave it to someone He’d never ever met and for something he never did

I, for one, welcome the increased commercialisation of Halloween in Britain, as it at least acts as a firewall to stop retailers jamming Christmas down our throats in October.

Predaliens should really be called Prenomorphs. avp.fandom.com/wiki/Predali...

If you have opinions on this and are on the club's mailing list there was an e-mail sent out today surveying fans about attitudes towards their brand partners. surveys.arsenal.com/jfe/form/SV_...

You don’t have to be called Steve or Stephen to work at Blackpool, but it does help.

Liverpool's first 3 Premier League games this season: 8 goals from 3.4 xG Liverpool's last 4 Premier League games: 5 goals from 7.4 xG #LFC

Agent Nketiah….

If other species had their equivalent of billionaires, like monkeys hoarding more bananas than they could eat and refusing to share, it would be used as clear evidence of human superiority to a primitive species. In the modern world such psychotic behaviours are celebrated.

Everyone involved in those Haribo "adults with kids' voices" adverts needs to be on trial in The Hague.

Little known fact, but all phones have a little speaker at the top that you can hold to your ear. It means you can have a private conversation without the whole world listening to it

Guy in front of me in Ashe is actually eating the infamous $100 chicken-nuggets-with-caviar, which I thought was more of a parody than an actual menu item which people bought. We could almost certainly be taxing the rich more. #USOpen

On the same day in the Telegraph:

will be quite funny when xavi simons signs for arsenal

Our old friend, Liverpool fan Jarred Gillet will be referee for Arsenal v Leeds at Emirates Stadium on Saturday. Arsenal play Liverpool at Anfield next week. He was on VAR v Bournemouth away & referee for Bournemouth at home last season, both games scheduled the week before we played Liverpool.

I'm currently listening to the @arseblog.com Arsecast and @gunnerblog.bsky.social has just said: "Every time I turn around Liverpool is selling someone I've never heard of for a lot of money" and I pop on Bluesky and see this. 😫

Now to cram my way back onto a train rammed with United fans who all inexplicably had an uncle who lived in Manchester in 1996.

If the laws governing your game allow for the fudges by Red Bull and CFG but not for the scenario Palace and Lyon find themselves in, you really should let this one slide and reassess your regulations.

Five penalty misses? Maybe they should make the goals bigger or move the spot closer?

Not saying my 7yo son has been terminally tech-poisoned, but he's watching the English victory celebrations and has just said, in full seriousness, "look how many apps she has".

Dame Chloe Kelly 😍

Reasons why people think ghosts exist: 1. The human brain hallucinates a lot. 2. Unresolved grief/trauma. 3. People making it up. 4. It was a bit windy.

Charged, named and shamed. Believe women, believe victims, believe those brave enough to come out and share their stories. Serious questions need to be asked of the club who were ready to extend his contact despite knowledge of what was happening.

“Aura” is when you rattle millions of people by learning a second language.

Leah at the “trying to get in the club” stage, and then along comes Katie McCabe… 🤣

The potential contract renewal of an unnamed Premier League footballer is sickening enough without seeing people go as far as actually basking in it. It's vile. An unnamed club are abdicating their social responsibilities and it's an insult to survivors of abuse and women generally.

Darren England was VAR who refused to overturn Myles Lewis Skelly's red card against Wolves.

I just want to go one game without learning a referee’s name.

Letter of the law only applies to one team.

Me: "Sir, per your request, I've now watched every touch of his career going back to u14s, run the models, and completed my full scouting report." OK, Carpenter, where is it? [I slide forward a moist, crumpled notecard, where I've written in crayon]:

Real Madrid’s men’s team last played at the Bernabeu on 9 March, they play again at home on 29 March. They have a state of the art retractable pitch with greenhouse environment under it. Yet, the women’s team are playing on this shit surface. Give me strength.

Bruno Fernandes talks to Premier League refs more than I talk to my family