This is an absolute joke. They're indicting Comey for posting his photo of seashells that someone else arranged on the beach to say 86-47. It was protected speech for them and protected speech for him.

Gross. Hard pass.

Mark Carney: "Many of our former strengths, built on our close ties to the US, have become weaknesses. The US has changed. That's their right. And we're responding ... we're deepening our partnerships with our closest allies, including the EU, the Nordic countries, and Australia."

It's a shame that "defend your culture" always means "hate strangers different from you" and never "enact anti-pollution laws so that you can go fishing with your grandkids the way your grandpa taught you."

Scenes from a personalist regime: Uday and Qusay go on TV to announce their great luck in winning public contracts.

(forgetting the word thirsty) I’m horny for some water.

That, uh, didn’t happen, did it, Homer?

Hush little Donnie don’t make a scene Kash is gonna bring you an underaged teen

They’ so high on his rancid farts they can’t think straight

Still feel like "Musk and his crew of incels destroyed a bunch of stuff they didn't understand and thereby hastened the deaths of millions of children" did not get the public attention it warranted.

Don't schedule posts!

This rant is GLORIOUS

i had to triple check that this wasn't from a parody account

Priceless post from the official White House social media

TFW Sullivan & Cromwell charges you $1200 an hour for a Yale graduate to ask grok “is this argument sus”

I must confess, I thought this too. I mean, come on

Golf clap for this man

Hope this game inspires Stutzle to hit the gym. Getting pushed around easily. #sens

Please let this happen

Whatever you do,

Mamdani: If the NYC apartment you keep solely for bi-yearly affairs with your mistress costs over 5 million dollars, you gotta pay more tax NYPD officer who’s been on disability since 2006 because he stomped too hard on a lady during an arrest and fucked up his ankle: This is a travesty

Exactly how a serious person would react

When Donald Trump says the Pope is “weak on crime,” he just means Leo is insufficiently racist.

Melania should have gone all the way and worn a “Not involved in human trafficking” t-shirt

Whether he does it or not, there's no coming back from that type of threat from a world leader.

Whatever happens, this is a deeply shameful episode in American history that will leave a permanent stain on the country. Repeatedly vowing to commit war crimes against millions of innocent civilians is beyond the pale.

“You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” --Anne Lamott

Has Iranian state TV paid a $787 million settlement for spreading lies about an election?

Oh so now copyright matters.

Just so we are clear, this is different from the other Jan 6 rioter that Trump pardoned who was sexually abusing children.

speak loudly and ask if you can borrow somebody else’s stick

Gross

Also good to see today.

San Diego just gave us the best reveal of No Kings Day. #NoKings

Did an alert just sound on Mike's kid's phone to let him know his dad is engaged in a galactic wank?

The US government collected over $1 billion in immigration fees then refused to process the applications. No denials. No refunds. Just silence. This is the largest fee fraud in the history of the American immigration system. Here's what's happening. 🧵

This really is an encapsulation of what being an American is: experiencing something needlessly cruel and profoundly stupid while propaganda you can’t turn off blares about how free and lucky you are

I hate the framing of “Ms Rachel has found a new cause—“ because no she hasn’t. Advocating for children kidnapped and locked up by ICE is not incompatible with her advocacy of children in Palestine. You just want to make her advocacy sound frivolous and fleeting. She’s being consistent.

Holy shit

How can this go on for another 3 years?

Wife just told me this one: What’s the difference between Iran and Vietnam? Trump had a plan to get out of Vietnam.

The biggest game of the first round is on Friday, when Long Island battles Arizona for iced tea supremacy

Thank you to everyone who supported this campaign. Together we were able to do things never seen in American politics, to set a new standard from what we should expect from the people who try to represent us. What we built matters, regardless of the outcome. And the work isn’t over.

They canceled his citizenship interview and he drove in the winning run to beat the US. Eugenio Suarez is a gem.