"I have just one word for all of you: Plastics."

"The problem really is, we've been forced to carry out our ethnic cleansing campaign all by ourselves."

"Professional grade logistics," like it takes a team of military quartermasters to run down to Costco and pick up a box of hand warmers.

I think these guys are genuinely shocked that a leftist can also own a gun. They figure we're all a bunch of namby-pamby peaceniks, and they've got the monopoly on firearms.

Man, if Warner and Kaine are both out, it's deader than dead.

I'm seeing these clips of Noem's press conference, and I don't think I have ever wanted more badly to see a person spend the rest of her life in a cell. An irredeemable psychopath.

There is an expression I've learned from reading entirely too many detective novels, that that expression is "throwdown gun."

I've watched the video and I can't wait to hear how the administration spins this one. At this point, "our heroic agents prevented a man from turning into a zombie, thereby preventing a World War Z scenario" wouldn't surprise me.

Rod Stewart (1978) - 🎵 Do ya think I'm sexy 🎵🎵 Rod Stewart (2026) - THE GRENADIERS OF THE 32ND REGIMENT OF COCKWOXEL STAND READY TO LEAD HIS MAJESTY'S FORCES AGAINST THE DEPRADATIONS OF THE AMERICAN FASCIST DONALD TRUMP.

"Cloud-castle abstractions like the rules-based international order." Hey Pete, you know how there hasn't been a worldwide shooting war in 80 years?

*a dangerous winter storm threatens hundreds of millions of people whose safety and health is my responsibility* SNOW???? WHY DON'T YOU CALL THE GLOBAL WARMING POLICE, LIBTARD.

Says the most online vice president in history.

Yeah, of course Dylan Byers didn't give the full picture: www.tvinsider.com/1241031/tony...

Okay, but you still look like a Nazi in it.

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna build my own treehouse, and all my friends will hang out there except you because I'm never never never ever gonna invite you over!"

*to the tune of Elvis Costello's Veronica* 🎵...Melania...🎵

Dude was born in 1984, don't stick us with him.

Anyone got a hookup?

What an unbelievably dumb fucking analogy.

I have never read a more cursed sequence of sentences.

"I ask the radical Marxist lunatics we keep terrorizing and beating and gassing, unprovoked, in Minnesota to save us from ourselves."

As ever, thoughts and prayers to whoever has diaper duty at the White House today.

This should be their experience every time any of them use a public bathroom for the rest of their miserable lives.

He's amazing, he really is. Like having a ferret with a head injury in charge of the House.

Next time he does this, someone at least needs to say "Wow, can't believe you could handle that cannister since it's almost as tall as you."

WE ALREADY HAVE A TREATY THAT LETS US DO THAT.

"I don't know why [Leavitt's lying] is worth it." Because to her, getting a CNN anchor to even make this video is a victory, that's why.

As always, Trump throws an extended tantrum and the rest of the world finds a way to back him off without actually giving him anything. Of course the nations rep is further in the shitter, but he's too dumb to notice or care.

There is one maxim by which I live my life, and that is: never order your life around the ravings of an asshole who has never met a comb.

Seriously? He really did one of Otto's lines from "A Fish Called Wanda"?

Asking him about anything is a futile exercise. You might as well ask a rock if it's excited for Season 4 of Yellowjackets.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I will assume Air Force One turned around because his aides realized they had forgotten to bring him.

Greg Bovino apparently going as Stern Nazi Lesbian Gym Coach next Halloween.

"These are called binder clips. I just came up with that name, I don't know what they were using before, maybe they were called something else. But I'm really good at naming things. Man, woman, TV, giraffe. That was the dementia test, which by the way, no president has ever done as good as me. Sleep

It is really, truly astounding how arrogant and dumb these guys all are.

Dang, I need a cigarette just from reading these screenshots.

Good lord.

Boy, you murder ONE innocent person by shooting her in the face...

"Sir, Susan Lucci eventually won an Emmy, they can't deny you forever."

*cracks knuckles*

The old SNL sketch teasing Susan Lucci for never having won an Emmy, but everyone has a Nobel Peace Prize instead.

One thing you don't know at 19 that you learn as you get older is that for the most part, yes, Bari, we have all in one way or another seen the likes of you.

ICE agents learn basic civics challenge. (Difficulty: how is this remotely hard, you fucking turnips.)

Happy Wingnuts Repeat and Repeat the Only MLK Quote in Existence Day to all who celebrate.

This is correct, and it drives me nuts that the GOP doesn't care that Europe will still be here long after Trump is dead.

Was wondering why a stretch of my feed was nothing but OMFG CALEB FUCKING WILLIAMS, then saw the video, holy shit, what even was that.