I just told someone a few days ago, Trump doesn't care about a conviction, he just wants Comey's mugshot to wave around.

Oh, I think the NFL will sleep just fine on its giant piles of money, thank you.

*taps sign*

Literally while a federal judge is in a hearing trying to determine what events the DOJ cites to justify making this move.

LOLLLLL www.tiktok.com/@colbertlate...

Christ, they had people rappelling out of helicopters onto the roof, what the fuck are we doing here.

Welp. Wild Red Sox season, better than the last three, these last two games are going to leave a nasty taste, could've used Devers but not sorry he's gone, pitchers and catchers report in four months.

*honking goose meme* How do you get "reasonable suspicion" that someone is illegally in the US just looking at them? How do you get "reasonable suspicion" that someone is illegally in the US just looking at them, motherfucker???

That first graf is all sorts of fucked up.

Maybe he'll blow out his elbow in the fifth.

"I'm Ben Shapiro. I'm Matt Walsh. I'm Riley Gaines. I'm Bari Weiss' sister. All that, plus Baked Alaska, tonight on '60 Minutes.'"

On the plus side for the rest of us, she's going to fly this whole thing into the side of a mountain in the most as-yet-unthought-of hilarious way possible.

Neat how the Squawk Box guy was sharp enough at the end to say "that sounds like malarkey" but then end the interview instead of telling viewers WHY it's not just malarkey, but utter and complete horseshit.

Chances the congressman remembers he said this the next time his party publicly shits itself over liberals calling them fascists and Nazis: 0.000000000000000000000000000%.

Friendly reminder that Corey Lewandowski is serving illegally in his current role at DHS. nymag.com/intelligence...

Oh no, what if he starts ignoring legislation and appropriations and illegally shuts down gov't agencies and departments, if you can even imagine such a thing.

Holy hell, military families are going to flip out.

Cue the usual suspects complaining about the censorious atmosphere on college campuses. Trump will probably demand UW return all its federal grants or something.

Trump will see this and not understand it's a joke. He'll tweet it out and say "Even the Albanian Prime Minister says TRUMP ended his vicious war with Azerbijou!"

"A lot of folks on your side are too." No one on her side is the President of the United fucking States, you smarmy weasel.

Amazing and pathetic. Has Fox hired her yet?

You can never, ever overstate how much of a lunatic this dude is.

Congrats to Jonathan Greenblatt, the Moses of our time if Moses had been a complete fucking idiot.

Jesus Christ.

Came across this Hegseth quote from his big speech to the generals, and let me say that I would very much like to see that drunken oaf do an hour of hot yoga. He'd pass out in ten minutes.

The one thing that might actually get Trump to end the shutdown is finding out he can't sue anyone.

Homer hearing Kent Brockman on TV say something about a big breaking story and exclaiming, "Someone found my keys!"

I really wonder how much good it does to have Vance out front. The man is so charmless. He's like a human-shaped charm nullity. A black hole that only sucks in charm.

Can't wait to find out how the court reverses its finding from like three months ago that the president can't fire Fed board members.

We don't want illegal aliens to get healthcare so we cut funding to hospitals that serve everyone. Genius.

Mike Johnson: the Democrat shutdown will hurt so many people. Also Mike Johnson: we've wanted to hurt those same people for decades and now we're going to do it.

This is going to be the most hilarious clusterfuck.

Hell yeah, minimum two more days of baseball.

"Why?" I don't know, did these officials just become aware of his existence last week?

Lawyers, start your engines!

There was a story the other day that fed employees want the Dems to fight the GOP on this. If that's a widespread opinion, Trump's people for the millionth time have misread their audience.

If there's anything our aircraft carriers could use, it's slapping some gold leaf on the hulls.

Pathetic. Just a pathetic, weak coward overcompensating for his deep insecurities.

If those two idiots knew anything about the military, they'd know that the general gestalt is to at least appear politically neutral. Flag officers especially are going to uphold that standard. But those two think this was a political rally.

As so many of us expected, this speech was apparently the ultimate "this meeting could have been an email" experience.

Man, these guys are something else.

Unhinged.

Between this and his quotes about Portland yesterday, I'm thinking that he's even more checked out than I already assumed. Of course it's also possible he's heard about all this stuff 50 times and still forgot.

It's really hilarious watching Mike Johnson pretend he cares about funding this stuff.

Dude is in waaaaaay over his head and probably in danger of blowing out all four tires.

Totally schooled them with that newfangled revolutionary tool called a bicycle.

I for one am very excited to find out how the left is responsible for radicalizing him.

I will not call my brother the Mets fan and rub it in I will not call my brother the Mets fan and rub it in I will not call my brother the Mets fan and rub it in I will not call my brother the Mets fan and rub it in I will not call my brother the Mets fan and rub it in I will not call my brother the

I'm going to start screaming and never stop.